Legend has it that there is a civil servant in the heavenly realm named "Yue Lao", whose job is to pull a red thread for two strangers and let them live under the same roof, which is called "home", and a pig to add the atmosphere of life to the home. The successive "moon elders" have worked hard and never made mistakes. But in this "home", it is possible that the "point" will run, the "horizontal" will bend, and sometimes even the "top" will be lost, causing the "pig" to run away, and both people and money will be empty, let alone "happiness"?
What causes this result?
The lady said, "It's too late for you to come home every day, teach the slave family to wait." ”
Lang Jun said: "The children in the school are fighting, the school exam results are not good, the school is about to come to check, there is too much work, I can't go home early." ”
The lady said: "You just don't take us to heart, you just move to the school and don't go home." ”
Lang Jun was speechless and aggrieved, and he complained to the lady in his heart about the accusations and ridicule of the lady, "You don't understand my tiredness at all, is this still the peach and the fair lady in the IKEA room?" ”
The little lady also cried: "The slave family takes care of her in-laws, raises her children, feeds pigs and chickens, and works hard all day without mercy." ”
In later generations, there was a school called Tsinghua University, which was comparable to Suiyang Academy in Yingtianfu, in which the vice president of the college, who specializes in the study of human psychology, was named Wu Jikang, who said: "The little lady mistakenly takes complaints as accusations and grievances as criticism; Xiao Langjun only knows how to consider himself, and does not know how to push himself and others, and in the long run, he is afraid that the husband and wife will turn against each other and the family will fall out of harmony. ”
complaining, just for what Lang Jun did; And the accusations and ridicule are denying Lang Jun as a person and attacking Lang Jun's personality, where does the face of the iron-clad man exist? Later, sure enough, Lang Jun became more and more dislike to go home, and would rather gossip with the people in the village than see the smoke curling from his own cooking. The little lady is disgraced all day long, with no time to trim, crying and flying, wanting to cry without tears. Seeing that the original pair of beauties had become in such a state, Yue Lao was worried.
Complaining that one thing is not good enough, in the future, it can be corrected, and hopefully it will not be done again; And denying a person is equivalent to labeling a person, which means, "You are such a person, and doing things will be like this." ”
However, Wu Jikang said: "Little lady, I will teach you three tricks to ensure that you are obedient and have a harmonious relationship." ”
First, learn from Li's mother next door, and in the future, you will not mention words such as "daily", "always", "again" and "no". Always remember that your little Langjun is not stained by poison, knows books and etiquette, and is much more diligent and gentle than the irascible Liu butcher in the east of the village and Wang Mazi, who is good at gambling in the north of the village. Xiao Langjun will also have a tired day, usually remember to say more to Lang Jun "hard work" and "It is the slave family who said the wrong thing, making Lang Jun unhappy". If there are dates or not, there will be a shot first, these words, Lang Jun will feel a lot easier in his heart when he listens to these words, the relationship is harmonious, and he earns a lot of silver, so why not.
That. 2. When talking to Lang Jun (Niangzi), remember to always start with the word "I". Phrases such as "I hope Lang Jun can go home soon." "I'm a little upset that I don't want to go home every day when I see you gossiping with others. This kind of dialogue belongs to the gentle dialogue mode between husband and wife, and the dialogue mode that begins with "I" instead of "you" will not make the other party resist and resist, and it is easier to accept the content of the dialogue.
That. 3. Every conversation contains three elements (sometimes only two), remember to express them in a gentle conversation. That is, you must first explain the facts, and then express your feelings and expectations.
The little lady doesn't quite understand, for example.
Let's make the facts clear first: "I think Lang Jun went home too late today." "I feel a little sad to express my feelings again. Finally, he expressed his expectations: "I hope Lang Jun can go home soon." ”
The little lady and his Lang Jun studied the secrets of Professor Wu Fuzi together, restrained themselves, and understood each other, and gradually, they understood each other's difficulties and began to feel sorry for what they had done before.
The greatest advantage of gentle dialogue is that it is not critical to state the facts, and the lady is still a fair lady in the river island, and she will gently express her feelings and expectations. Xiao Langjun will not feel blamed and denied, he is always the humble gentleman who seeks my fair lady in the river island.
Wu Fuzi saw that his children could be taught, so he simply passed on a book to them, so that the two could continue to study later.
The book is "The days are staggering, but we are steady". The author deciphers the code of a happy marriage from the perspective of positive psychology. The relationship between two people and the home of two people depends on the joint maintenance and management of both parties. Whether it is quarrels, contradictions, or ordinary daily life, do not forget the original intention of love, remember to appreciate, praise and respect each other, and fill the love account with a positive attitude.
The author, Mr. Wu Fuzi Jikang, is a counselor in psychology and marriage and family, and the former vice president of positive education at the Center for Positive Psychology of the Academy of Social Sciences of Tsinghua University.
Lin Yutang once said: "A happy life is nothing more than four things: one is to sleep in your own bed; the second is to eat the food cooked by the parents; the third is to listen to the lover's love words; Fourth, play games with children. ”
The first is a relational state of the self, and what I consider to be home is home; The second is the relationship with the parents, and the fourth is the relationship between oneself and the children, these two are people who are related to us by blood, relatives we can't choose, destined relatives; And the lover of the fourth article is someone who is not related to us by blood. In our own happy lives, such as:
How to deal with the relationship between this lover who is not a blood relative to us is a university question.
Marriage is a castle, where the sky is above the husband and wife, and the sky is cloudy and sunny depending on the husband and wife. When it's cloudy, the castle loses sunlight and heat, and if one side disperses the dark clouds, the sky won't be dull, and the castle will only shine when both sides remove the dark clouds overhead.
The light that shines into the marriage is like the energy that maintains the quality of the marriage, and the more such energy in the marriage, the more positive the marriage will be. This energy needs to be accumulated in daily life, and at the same time, it is important not to consume this marriage energy.
It sounds familiar, it seems to be a kind of savings, open up more channels, generate more income, spend less or no expenditure, the more marriage energy will be stored in the marriage account, and the quality of the marriage will be high, so why worry about not being happy?
Yue Lao has always been diligent, he has maintained the title of "the first outstanding civil servant in the heavenly realm" for many years, I believe in the quality of his work, and please believe that the people around you are really good.