I collect my clothes on the terrace. The evening sun was still so hot that it was covered by the soft sea breeze.
A nylon rope was pulled on the mast and the clothes hung listlessly on the rope, gently swaying with the sea breeze, occasionally kicking out a scent of laundry detergent.
I held up a bamboo drying pole and lifted the hanger.
A plane flew overhead, and I squinted, shielded from the sun in one hand, and looked up with a clothes pole in the other.
It reminds me of when I was a kid and I used to watch planes fly by on the terrace, hoping that when I grew up, I would fly out of the fishing village with them.
The sun was so comfortable, I unconsciously let it go for a while, but unexpectedly, a gust of sea breeze blew by, and the clothes on the hanger suddenly slipped down and flew towards the terrace next door.
I panicked and leaned over the edge of the wall to look - no, it was my underwear, unbiased on a pot of cactus!
As a matter of urgency, I picked up the clothes pole and lowered my head to fish, but I couldn't reach it, so I leaned out and swung my arms to pick it up, and the devil knew that it was heavier, and if I was not careful, the clothes pole fell down like a temper.
I was immediately dumbfounded, and I was so anxious that I stamped my feet on the spot.
At this time, someone next door walked from the house to the terrace, picked up my underwear, and looked up to bump into me with an embarrassed face.
I fixed my eyes and saw that it was eastward that I hadn't seen for a long time.
My childhood sweetheart, my neighbor, my first love, my ex.
I didn't say a word, and immediately felt my face burn.
Xiang Dong was calm, and in a magnetic voice in his memory, he asked me, "Are you back?" ”
Just after my thirtieth birthday, I ushered in a sad moment in my life.
Who would have thought that a month ago I was still in Beijing, and at that time I had just had a relationship with my boyfriend who had a small quarrel for two days and a big quarrel for three days.
After all, the love that will be settled is a plate of loose sand, and we are just making up the numbers for each other's love experiences.
After that, I listened to the saying "frustrated in love, proud in the workplace", with the determination to become the queen of the workplace, devoted myself to work, and began to stay up all night and work overtime, two days and a small stay, three days and a big stay, but in the end I still paid my pious heart by mistake
In the early hours of one overtime morning, I was unwell and was admitted to the hospital, where I received a miserable medical check-up form
Due to the pressure of a long time at work and the accumulation of negative emotions, I was diagnosed with thyroid nodules.
I did the surgery alone. To be honest, it is difficult to make true friends in Beijing, even if you have a sincere friend for a short time, but once you find that you are lonely, you will no longer be sincere.
A few days later, I woke up alone in the hospital bed, and the anesthetic had not yet subsided, so I raised my mobile phone with difficulty and took a picture of the ** with my left hand being instilled, and then edited the text and began to perform my performance in the WeChat circle of friends:
I thought that the first level of loneliness was a person visiting the supermarket, I was so stupid and naïve!
"Innocent" is my name, and I'm really good at self-deprecation.
Not only that, but I also left a playful comment for myself: Thank you for your concern, the operation was successful, I am already alive, and even planning the work of Q2, don't pity me because I am a delicate flower, let the storm come more violently!
The reason why I took such pains to run the circle of friends was to pass on my ambition to my boss.
I worked as a short-term producer in one of the top five MCN institutions in the industry, and I personally incubated for a year, and finally cultivated five Internet celebrities with more than 10 million fans on the whole network, which can help the company create 20 million advertising performance throughout the year.
But just after the company learned that I was ill and granted me a month's sick leave, my colleagues, who usually had a good relationship, took advantage of the fire to rob and poach all of them.
The boss said: "Naive, you also know that Internet celebrities are a matter of one day, maybe they won't be popular next month, and you need to rest." The second operation group proposes that your influencers be led by them for the time being. ”
If you've been in the workplace for a year and a half, you'll probably be able to tell from your boss that I'm probably going to lose my job.
Because of a sick leave, I was robbed of my work by my colleagues, and my bright future was ruined.
I thought that my boss would change his mind when he saw that circle of friends, but I didn't expect that under my questioning, I still didn't wait for his reply.
Once, I was questioned by my boss because of my gender: "This industry is very competitive, and you need to work overtime often, do you plan to get pregnant in the past two years?" ”
Who would have thought that I had survived the gender barrier alone, but not the physical one.
If my body collapses, I will no longer be able to work overtime to create value for the company, and I will be abandoned.
yes, I didn't even think that this is my current life
I am Chinese New Year's Eve years old today, drifting north for eight years, no love, no career, no health. Nothing.
I don't admit defeat, but I have to resign to my fate.
As you may have noticed, my mantra is "who would have thought that".
I can't think of it myself, and I don't think others can think of it, so I often feel that life is something that no one can think of.
Sometimes it's not even a thing, it's just a sighing, scary ghost that comes out from time to time.
Life is really scary. Beijing used to be a big dream for me, but it backfired, and I was not admitted to my favorite school because of the difference of one point in the college entrance examination, and I missed Beijing.
After graduating from university, I spent eight years on my own, and now not only did I not gain a firm foothold in Beijing, but I was even under pressure to be driven back to my hometown.
After I posted on Moments that day, I collapsed on the hospital bed thinking about life. My mother coldly slapped me with a **, and spit out five words: "You come back for me!" ”
I was originally confused, and I was even more confused when I received her **.
I asked her, stunned, "Where are you going?" ”
"You still have the face to ask where are you going? Home! How do you do surgery alone? You're going to die! ”
"No, how do you know I had surgery? ”
"Your aunt told me! ”
"How did my aunt know? ”
"Your cousin told her! ”
I was taken aback, as strong as me, I usually report good news but not bad news when I meet relatives, is there something that has slipped through the net?
I quickly rummaged through my circle of friends, and sure enough, I found that my cousin was not in the blocking group I had set up. That is to say, for countless nights in the past, my cousin has witnessed all my word performances, and the most odious thing is that she has remained silent.
I slapped my thigh and gritted my teeth and complained to my mom, "That dead girl has such a big mouth!" ”
"You'll be right back. "My mother is a little strange, usually high-flying and scolding, but then her voice trembled slightly, as if she was going to stage a scene of motherly tears.
Even though I often laugh at myself for having an impregnable heart, I still can't resist this kind of mother-daughter love drama, and I don't know how to respond for a while.
At this time, I heard my father behind the microphone saying, don't scare my daughter if you have something to say.
Then he came to the front of the ** and said: "Girl, don't be afraid, we don't want to cut off your wings, others care about whether you fly high or not, your parents are just worried about whether you are tired of flying, you go home to rest first, a month, two months, a year." ”
I frowned: "Dad, can you stop being so literary?" ”
As a result, my mother snatched the ** violently and shouted: "Don't talk nonsense with her, get back immediately, there's no negotiation, that's all!" ”
After a while, listening to the beep on my phone, I realized that I was hung up**.
At this moment, the aunt in the next hospital bed happened to pass by with a urinal, and she glanced at me suspiciously: "Little girl, are you going to do the operation by yourself?" ”
When I heard her call me "little girl" instead of "old girl", I gratefully gave her a flying kiss in response, causing her to laugh and crow's feet fly.
At the same time, a trace of emotion flashed in the aunt's eyes, as if to say: Then you are really miserable!
That look reminded me of my mother, maybe the mother behind the microphone also has such a look, but that look has nowhere to put it.
It was that look that stung me. I finally lowered my noble head and admitted that my life had struggled and lost my direction.
I admit that I was hard-mouthed, strong-mouthed, and single-minded, and in the end there was no good fruit to eat.
I admit that I don't know how to start my 30-year-old life, because my life is full of ends.
In the first half of my life, I was completely defeated.
So, a week later, I don't know whether to call it an escape or a compromise, but I know that there has always been a voice in my heart telling me to go back.
I left my job, quit the lease, packed my bags, bought a plane ticket back to my hometown, and started my long vacation with no goal and no return date.
On the day I left Beijing, the sky was clear. After getting off the plane, I changed buses in the city, and the scenery changed from streets to trees, and after many twists and turns, the terrain became flat, and I could see a sparkling sea through the gaps in the trees.
My hometown is a fishing village by the sea. I took a picture by the car window, and I remember that this angle is the most beautiful appearance of the fishing village, it looks so peaceful, like a piece of cheese that has not yet melted.
I'll add a filter to the circle of friends, perfect vacation, and I'll come back later if I have a message.
After a while, the bus arrived at the fork, and the passenger suddenly bombarded me to get off: "Get off from the fishing village!" ”
"Here's down? I'm not there yet! ”
"It's here! The passenger attendant's loud voice and sharp eyes calmed me, and I suddenly wilted, pursed my lips and did not dare to refute.
When I was working in Beijing, I still had a set of staff, but when I met a stout and arrogant aunt and uncle, I had no idea.
I squirmed to my feet and staggered to the front of the car.
The aunts and uncles on the bus were rustic locals, and they had been looking at me curiously since I got on the bus.
I thought to myself, probably because I was so radiant that I instantly lit up the simple countryside.
But the moment I stepped on the heels and got off the bus, I had to wake up from Cinderella's dream - I was no longer the jennie of Beijing, but the real delicacy of my hometown.
"It's delicious" is my nickname because I love to eat since I was a child, and everything I eat is delicious.
The neighbors in my hometown generally call me "Delicious Girl", and even more excessively, they call me "Delicious Little Fairy Girl". Do you say it's a shame or not?
"Just a little walk ahead! The passenger pointed with a distant hand.
Then, the butt of the bus emitted a puff of black smoke at me and drove away.
My big suitcase and I were left on the side of the road, and watching the bus leave was like watching a negative man.
Then I looked left and right and realized that I was the only one around.
At the fork in the road was a deserted gravel path, and I dragged my luggage forward, and after just two steps, I stumbled when I looked down at the pair of designer high heels, and immediately felt distressed about it.
What is particular in the city is not qualified to be exquisite here. Especially when you're living in a mess.
I sighed, could only take off my high heels, take out a pair of sneakers from my suitcase and change them into, and walk steadily with my feet on the ground.
After a corner, the field of vision gradually widened, and after a while, I saw my father waiting at the entrance of the village.
He whistled at me and drove towards me on his beloved motorcycle, saying, "Girl! How did you get here on your own? ”
"The passenger driver drove me down in front! "As soon as I saw my father, I suddenly changed back to his favorite real delicacy that had never grown up, and I unconsciously raised a coquettish tone.
"These bastards are treating you like an outsider, right? If you say it's from here, he'll drive in! ”
My dad tied my suitcase to the rear frame of the car and called me to get in the car, "Girl, get in the car, dad will take you home." ”
"Where's your helmet? ”
"Who's here to care about you? Dad let out a sneer through his nostrils and started the motorcycle without saying a word.
I felt his contempt, but I still didn't give up and said, "This won't work, you have to wear a helmet in the future and pay attention to safety, you know?" ”
"Oh, okay. From his perfunctory reply, I knew he wasn't listening.
I put my arm around my dad's waist and the motorcycle drove along a wide sandy road, with a sea to our right.
The salty sea breeze blows in your face and follows you all the way.
"Delicious girl is back? "Occasionally passing by some stalls, the owners were very helpful in greeting us.
I was amazed that they all remembered my nickname.
Dad nodded and smiled, "Yes, I'm back." ”
Seeing that the motorcycle was not on its way home, I asked my father, "This is not the way home, is it?" ”
Dad said, "Your mother asked me to finish driving you and buy some salted fish by the way!" ”
I smiled bitterly: "It's worthy of my mother." ”
I haven't been back to my hometown for two years, and everything is still familiar.
My hometown is really a magical place, only time and the four seasons have passed, and nothing else will be easily changed.
Turning into the laneway, the road in front is still the scene of school, there are fruit stalls and fried stalls under the big trees, and the walls in the lanes are painted with ugly graffiti, written foul language, lock repairs, sexually transmitted disease prevention and control advertisements, and painted "We are the future" six chalk words.
When we got home, my mother was squatting in front of the door peeling peanuts.
When I saw my dad and me, the first thing I asked was, did you buy salted fish?
"Bought it. I said coldly.
"How much? If you know that you are an outsider, you will be cheated if you look rich. My mother took the salted fish from my hand with satisfaction.
I asked suspiciously, "What kind of outsiders and locals, why do you still treat them differently?" ”
As soon as I finished speaking, I heard a dog bark, and a puppy ran out of the house, drooping its head and sniffing my feet.
When I saw it, I immediately screamed, "Mom! How did Alian become such a ghost? It's a dog! ”
The gray-faced Ah Lian in front of him was thin, wrapped in ash, and there were leaves in his hair.
I can't believe it, this is the teddy dog I entrusted to my mother's care two years ago, and at that time it was still fluffy and shiny, and it looked like a dog, and it would jump up and down when it saw someone it liked, as if it was manic.
"It's a teddy and a type of poodle! "I pity this poor little fellow.
"What's the matter, isn't it still alive? What VIPs are not VIPs, follow the customs. ”
"You don't bathe it? ”
"Laugh at the dead, you go and ask who bathed the dog. It's easy to raise whatever you want! ”
I had a headache, and I unconsciously said: "How dare you let you have a child in the future?" ”
So, I heard my mother's merciless contempt: "Yo, your husband will talk about it!" ”
I didn't bother to bother, left my heels next to the door, and dragged my suitcase back to my room.
The room was simple, but my dad had cleaned it.
I stood in the room ** and glanced at it, there was still a movie poster of "Love Letter" on the wall, and the window still kept the window flowers pasted during the Spring Festival.
Probably an illusion, I feel like the bed seems to be getting smaller. However, the quilt covered with big red flowers on the bed was still so visually impactful, and it instantly caught my eye.
At this time, Allian ran into the room, looking at me with tears in his eyes, and my heart was pounding.
When my mother was cooking dinner, I picked up Ah Lian and put bath water on it, and after one operation, Ah Lian became beautiful again.
"It looks much more pleasing to the eye. "I took Allen into my arms.
After a while, my mother called me to dinner.
As soon as I saw my favorite food on the table, my mood suddenly brightened.
But when I sat down and was about to feast, my mother suddenly pinched her throat and shouted, "Innocent! Time to eat! ”
"I'm not here anymore? What are you shouting? I was confused, and it wasn't until I saw my mother standing swaggeringly by the courtyard wall and continuing to shout that I realized that she had deliberately wanted the neighbors to hear.
She screamed violently, like a soul: "Girl! Time to eat! ”
I rolled my eyes at her, and I lost my appetite.
I saw her clear her throat, tiptoe back like a wild cat, and asked me with a gossip on her face: "Girl, did you tell Xiangdong that you are back?" ”
"Nope. "I put down my chopsticks and looked ugly like a dead man.
Xiangdong is my boyfriend who has been running for many years, from childhood sweethearts to becoming each other's first love.
I love him because he is jade and metallore, handsome to the point of scum, and satisfies my superficial eye-catching needs.
He also loves me and treats me unconditionally.
When Xiang Dong carried me on his back, whether I was like a pregnant hippopotamus or like a thousand pounds of weight slumped on his back, he would say, "Baby, you are as light as a swallow and a fairy descending to earth, and I don't breathe at all." ”
All women today would be happy to have such a boyfriend, I think.
But it wasn't until we separated that I understood a truth - I had each other's looks, thoughtfulness and love, but I forgot the most important point, that is, most love is difficult to resist reality.
Two years ago, Xiang Dong planned to return to his hometown to develop, he didn't want to drift anymore, he wanted to settle down, but I still wanted to continue to drift, and insisted on staying in Beijing, so we broke up.
To put it in a funny and pretentious way: the eastward wind blows like sand, overwhelmingly rushing at me, wetting my eyes and plunging me into a sandstorm, but when another gust of wind comes, he pats his ass and leaves.
No conscience. Didn't you say that we should take root in Beijing together? The result was a flight to the east.
We all had to be strong and didn't compromise for each other.
Mom didn't want me to eat properly.
She picked up a piece of braised pork and put it in her mouth, but her eyes didn't dare to look at me
"To the east, it's a good mix now, there are two suites in the new area, as well as a car, a proper diamond king! What about you? ”
My lips were closed, and my heart was not happy. It's only been two years, and Xiang Dong is already a successful person in his hometown?
Dad didn't mess around with his mother, and reminded his mother with a depressed face: "Do you think you're talking about this?" ”
My mother snorted coldly, turned her head and asked me, "Girl, are you unhappy?" ”
I cheered up: "I'm fine, don't you think I'm good?" ”
Unexpectedly, my mother pressed step by step: "Then have you bought a house in Beijing, what arrangements do you have next, stay in your hometown or go back?" ”
"Look at the mood, if it really doesn't work, I'll gnaw on the old! "I pretended to be relaxed, but I wanted to say I didn't know.
My mother glared at me stupidly, scolded me for being old and improper, and added at the end that I could only gnaw for a year, and the money she saved was for the elderly.
After eating, I returned to my room distraught, spread out my suitcase, picked up the designer bags and the designer clothes, and laid them out.
They look so out of place in this room.
Then I glanced at my bank card balance and remembered that I still owed a bunch of debts on my credit card, and I couldn't help but sigh.
I seemed to have everything, and I felt like I didn't have anything.
When I broke up with Xiangdong, I was hoarse, crying to death, and finally swore to him arrogantly
"Even if I am alone, I will definitely get ahead in Beijing, I will definitely succeed, and I will make you regret it! ”
The result? I'm just a "handicapped" braggart king, the cowhide is blown up, and now it's showing its original form.
"What a shame. "I stood in the room**, as if I were hanging in a bottomless black hole.
**10,000 Fans Incentive Plan