Editor's note: In this issue of emotional personality, hypochondriasis? Worried about accidents? Instead of dwelling on anxiety, let's explore what's going on behind it? Turning the unknown into the known is more steady. Xiaobin(pseudonym), a 29-year-old boy, is always worried about whether he is sick? Did the family have an accident? Anxiety has been with him for almost a year, causing him to suffer from insomnia from time to time, and when he loses sleep, he is more likely to be cranky. In this way, Xiaobin walked into the consultation room with anxiety. 
I really don't want to be anxious anymore, it's so uncomfortable
These were the first things Xiao Bin said when he saw me, but his expression looked calm. He continued: "I was nervous, I don't know why, I started to get nervous as soon as I entered this room, I was not so nervous on the way here. These contrasts made me curious about the big boy in front of me.
I asked Xiaobin, "Can you feel what makes you nervous?" He thought for a moment and replied, "I haven't done psychological counseling before, and I don't have any relatives or friends around me, although I know I haven't done anything bad, but it just feels like I'm going to be sneaky." ”
I can feel that this is Xiao Bin's feeling of touching himself, and this nervous feeling hides Xiao Bin's views and beliefs: He feels that he comes to psychological counseling because he has psychological problems, and he doesn't want to be an abnormal person, and he thinks that he should be good and normal.
So I asked Xiaobin, ".So how do you see yourself in counseling?
He said, "I usually talk to my friends for drinks and chats, and I can help them talk about their problems, but I can't let go of my own problems." I'm always worried about whether I have any disease, I always have to go to the hospital for a check-up because I'm a little worried, and sometimes I'm worried about whether my family will have an accident, and my friends also advise me that I'm fine, how can there be so many accidents, but I just can't let go, I feel like I can't get over this worry. ”
Xiaobin's answer answered me on the surface, but it was not the question I asked. His state at this moment was not intentional, I could feel that he was trying to help himself not to let himself feel it, and he was suppressing his emotions in his heart.
Consultation process
Xiaobin's state of not allowing himself to feel is also a microcosm of his life。If he is depressed about his feelings at the moment and cannot allow himself to feel them, then he will not allow himself to feel them when he encounters things in his life.
And feeling is another important system for usIn addition to our intellect, the feelings we have also play an important role in us.
For example, when we walk at night, we are a little scared, and this fear reminds us that there may be danger in the dark, so hurry home. Feelings give us a lot of reminders and help like signal lights, and when we put a lot of effort to suppress the appearance of feelings, it not only prevents the reception of signals, but also produces a lot of consumption
I continued to ask Xiaobin, "I can feel that you are helpless in your heart, and I feel that you have also thought of many ways to help yourself relieve anxiety, so when you usually feel uncomfortable, do you always find friends to drink and chat?" Xiaobin said, "Yes, I used to talk to my girlfriend all the time, but now I tell my friends, and I feel like I can pass it." Sometimes I also work out, and I can help myself with my emotions. It's easy to think blindly when you're alone. ”
Is there any difference between being with friends and yourself? "I'm curious about how Xiaobin helps himself relieve stress when he is alone? It sounds like he has a lot of ideas, but they all seem to have to be done by others.
Xiaobin said, "It's easy to drink and chat with friends, when I play, because I have something to do, I won't be cranky, and I don't know what to do when I'm alone, but I don't feel lonely, I'm used to it." "Speaking of which, in fact, I feel sorry for Xiaobin.
We all love each other in the way we will
Xiaobin's father is busy with work all the year round and rarely takes care of the family, and his mother takes care of all the affairs at home. Therefore, when the relatives on my mother's side see Xiaobin, they will tell him to listen to his mother, so as not to make his mother angry, it is not easy for my mother to take you alone. Although Xiaobin was very naughty, he understood what everyone wanted him to do.
So, the sensible Xiaobin learned to report good news and not bad news, and should listen to his mother's words to make her happy. He understands that his mother has to work during the day, and it is not easy to come home with a naughty boy.
But Xiaobin forgot that he was still a child of what age back then, he was also a person, and he would have emotions, who could understand his emotions?
The adolescent Xiaobin would also quarrel with his mother, but when he saw his mother panting, holding his chest and saying that his heart hurt, he was scared, he was afraid of losing his mother, and his mother was the only reliance in his heart at that time!
Slowly,Because of the fear of losing, Xiaobin is used to suppressing his emotionsDon't let yourself have "bad" emotions and states in front of his mother, some can be digested by himself, some can't, he will talk to friends。So he loves his mother very much and wants to be close to her, but there is a distance in his heart.
In this way, love and protection are conveyed
For Xiaobin, he has done a good jobHe is loving and protecting his mother in his own way, and he has been living in this way until now
After experiencing the influence of this method on himself and the protection behind it in the consultation, Xiaobin subconsciously allowed the existence of feelings, and he was willing to start experiencing his feelings. When Xiaobin experienced the flow of feelings, he felt that life became a little easier, and his original anxiety was also reduced.
Let's explore the family of origin together to help people see where we are and start an awareness
As children, we relied on these patterns to survive, and now that we have grown up, the people and environment around us are constantly changingPsychological counseling can help us add new perspectives and enrich our interaction methods in a single interaction mode, so as to improve interpersonal relationships and intimacy, and make ourselves more comfortable and comfortable.
Therefore, Xiaobin's original way of talking to friends can still be used, and at the same time, he also has to learn how to face his feelings and learn to help himself deal with emotions. We still have a lot of work to do, and I believe that Xiaobin will definitely be able to live the state he wants.
Counselor's message——— you are willing to give yourself such patience.
Do you want to "grow up" with yourself again?
If you wish, I will also accompany you through the journey of your life.