When our partner speaks unpleasantly, we are often overwhelmed and can even provoke our own anger.
So what to do at this time?
There are three homework to do:
1. Be aware of your current feelings and record them.
2. Learn to be humorous.
3. Learn to express to the other party what kind of way you want the other party to treat you.
1. Be aware of your feelings.
This is a very important lesson in the long run, and there are many people who are unaware and hindsight, and we have to train in foresight.
How I feel when I hear my husband swearing ugly and can explore the unmet needs within us. When we are clear about our inner and real needs, we can do more homework in the later stage, so that we can slowly change the degree of being hurt by other people's words.
2. Learn to be humorous.
Humor is an essential skill for couples, yet many people simply don't.
If you know the art of humorous language, you can quickly transform the ugly part of the other person's speech, so that the atmosphere instantly changes from cold to warm, for example, we often have people who say 'the other party is a-stirring stick', if you don't know the art of language, you will not only be very angry, but also directly scold the other person.
But if you know the art of language, then you can say "If I'm a-stirrer, what are you?" At the same time, people with humor will say this sentence in a witty tone. Not only will the other party not feel that it is a quarrel, but will feel that he has dug a hole for himself.
The contradiction was resolved in an instant.
3. Learn to express your needs.
We often know what we don't want, but we don't know what we really want, let alone the other person.
Don't say "If the other party loves you, they should understand you", it's too poisonous chicken soup, don't keep making up for it, it's easy to leave early.
Be clear and unambiguous about what you want the other person to do to make you more comfortable. Men are directive animals, not used to guessing, express themselves clearly, the other party is comfortable, and you are also comfortable.
Of course, expression is your right, and it is also the right of others whether the other party will accept the order, so we must do a good job in the situation that the other party may not do it, and at the same time learn to respect the other party.
We all understand the principle of not doing to others what you would not do to yourself, and we must learn to do it.
Through the accumulation of the above three lessons, we can not only make the relationship between husband and wife more harmonious, but also slowly guide each other to learn to express their feelings in a better way from the side and reduce verbal violence.
If you have learned everything, do you still need to be afraid that the other party will scold you ugly? But it's all floating clouds, and it's done in minutes.