Behind the extreme thinking of "all or nothing" (i.e., perfectionism) is the fear that you will not be able to do as well as others.
But it takes a lot of time and effort for someone to go from starting to do something to being able to shine in the crowd and get a result that everyone thinks is good, and it is not achieved by shouting a slogan.
So do we really want to compare our own weaknesses with the strengths of others?I'm sure everyone understands the pros and cons.
It's just that thinking is sometimes lazy, and when people can find a self-consistent way of deceiving themselves, it seems that some things that need to be done don't make sense not to do them.
But in the end, this kind of thinking hurts yourself. When everyone is talking about perfectionism and the dilemma of extreme thinking, how to get rid of perfectionism seems to be a topic that can be talked about for a long time.
But I've seen another explanation of perfection in the book The Mindset of Practice. The degree to which you can do it at the moment is actually perfect. For example, a flower, from a seed to rooting, breaking the soil, growing branches and leaves, and then experiencing the flowering of the flower, which link is indispensable.
If we are patient with our own growth and change, we will be able to accept our current abilities, and then we will do our best to do one thing within our ability, and this behavior will be perfect.
If perfection is understood as a height that cannot be attained, then the pursuit of perfection has no meaning, and how can it happen suddenly from nothing to nothing.
In my opinion, what can be done to fall into the trap of perfectionism?Striving for perfection – realizing that perfectionism is a derogatory term – doing everything you can to get rid of perfectionism.
As mentioned earlier, perfection can have other explanations, and we don't even need to give it an explanation at all, but instead look at our ability to be in the present moment and focus on what we can actually achieve.
Make a list of what we want to be and what we can do now.
The next thing we have to do is to move forward step by step towards our expectations.
To say that this process is simple is too arbitrary. But if you want to say how hard it is, that is, do something within our ability every day, and as long as we continue to do it, then our actions will shorten the distance.
So do what you can, do your best to do it well, and this state is the perfect state that we can present;
If you don't do a good job within your ability, you can count it as a mistake;
If you can't do things that are beyond your ability, you can only say that it is a normal performance.
Isn't it easier to accept this understanding?It's like the life of a flower, and each stage is the perfect state that it can present.
So what do you mean by perfection?It is the state that we can achieve, that is, to give full play to our original abilities and try to do the best we can within our own capabilitiesInstead of pursuing what you can't achieve, that's not perfection, that's compulsion.
Why don't we expect freshly sprouted seeds to bloom the next day?There seems to be no opportunity or need to discuss what is simply impossible.
So, do we think it's possible for our abilities to suddenly grow to heights that only the elite of the industry can achieve in one thing?Isn't that a truth?
So what exactly are we going to think about perfectionism?To accept or to get rid of?If you want me to say, don't bother with it, because we can understand the word perfect differently.
Sometimes you do need to let go of yourself, and the original definition of perfectionism is not defined by you, so why use your own behavior to match the number
Actually, I originally watched "The Mindset of Practice" to improve concentration, but I was so impressed by the aforementioned paragraph. A very thin booklet that can be read in about 1 hour, and for a while, it is almost a book that I will always hang on my lips.
Because I have never seen anything more plausible and "perfect" than this explanation.
In addition to another explanation of perfection, in the book "Happiness Beyond Perfection" that I read today, two different modes of thinking are pointed out, one is perfectionism and the other is optimalism.
This ** couldn't be more vivid, the arrow points to a certain goal we want to achieve, or a certain height that we expect ourselves to achieve, perfectionists hope that this road is smooth, and we must do things in the best state, or quickly achieve satisfactory results.
However, expectations are just expectations, and in real life, who hasn't encountered any difficulties?And who can really draw a straight road map in the process of accomplishing the goal?
Perfectionist dictionaries often come up with words that are extreme, such as "should", "must", "must", and "no way". Because they are afraid of facing failure, afraid that they are not capable of facing bad consequences.
Often before they even start doing something, they already think about the pain they can't bear after messing things up. So they give up before they try.
Then they rationalize their choices, and deceive themselves into various reasons to try to justify that they have made the right decision.
So what are the facts?They ignore that from the beginning of doing a thing, to actually get things done, this process is very important, it requires continuous effort, receiving feedback, and then continuously adjusting the action in the feedback, only when we have tried all the efforts we can do, can we judge how well this thing is done according to the actual results, and whether there are still some processes that need to be improved.
But there is no such thing as success or failure, and perfectionists label themselves and others as both successful and unsuccessful. Their fear can cause them to lose sight of the process and focus only on the outcome.
This kind of thinking also brings a dilemma that they only accept success and do not accept failure. They don't have the patience to engage in the long process, which leads to their inability to experience the joy of the process (i.e., living in the moment).
In fact, no matter what kind of goal it is, from the perspective of life, it is phased. So aren't we all in the process of this life?
Optimists, by contrast, are fully aware of what they are experiencing, and they don't have any particular perspective on success and failure, and they don't label themselves and others.
They just accept the real experiences that have happened to them, laugh when they are happy, cry when they are sad, and they accept both positive and negative emotions.
They are well aware that their ability to achieve certain goals requires consistent action, and they know that even so, there will be a lot of uncertainty along the way, but they will still take a positive attitude towards these bad moments.
In fact, the optimist will make long-term considerations at every moment of choice that needs to be made, which is more helpful for himselfPerfectionists, on the other hand, will use their inner fears to weigh what they can and can't accept at the moment, and then make decisions that are better for themselves in front of them.
The two are completely different modes of thinking, and the contrast between the two is very carefully divided in the book. Personally, I don't think it's necessary. The truth is clear, for many so-called perfectionists, it is enough to realize the seriousness of the problem.
It is not necessary to compare the actions of the optimists and frame themselves with another set of logic, but to try to allow and accept what is relevant to them.
For example, your own experiences, emotions, feelings, needs, etc., understand your strengths, weaknesses, and abilities, and face your true self and the real world.
Start by reconciling with yourself, try to expand the scope of your acceptance step by step, so that you can gradually face the joys and pains that exist in your life, and realize that the present that you are ignoring will soon become a regretful past.
Then learn to cherish the present and draw a roadmap to the future with the present that you put into action one by one.
Therefore, whether it is perfectionism or optimism, it is not important to name the mindset, but the important thing is to be clear about what you want to be and what you have the ability to be, and to be able to recognize the fact that "it is possible to achieve the goal only by taking one step at a time", and still choose to accept it.
The negative things that perfectionists don't want to accept and are difficult to face are too complicated, and it is not easy to completely change behavior, so learning to accept all the imperfections and all the things that you don't want to face in the current situation is the more important part at present.
Above, I hope to provide some ideas for friends who want to make changes.
Psychology