On the first day of the Lunar New Year, my brother burned incense for my mother's grandmother, and unexpectedly found that last year's grave was gone, replaced by a field of artichokes. After some questioning, he found the landowner, and the content of the conversation was unpleasant, but it provoked a series of thoughts.
My grandmother's marriage was arranged by my family, my grandmother was a hardworking and healthy woman, and my grandfather was disabled and could not walk normally. Despite this, he was the only son in the family. My grandmother gave birth to my mother and my aunt after marriage, but not long after, the two uncles who gave birth to died of rare diseases, leaving behind elderly parents and four children. My grandmother's father-in-law, my mother's grandfather, also passed away in the same year after experiencing the pain of his son's death, leaving four women in the family: my mother, my aunt, my grandmother, and my mother's grandmother.
My mother's grandmother died after my mother got married, and my grandmother remarried soon after. My mother said that her grandfather's grave was buried by the pond, but it was flooded because of the rising water, and my grandmother's grave was buried in the family's land. Since my mother got married, every Spring Festival we would go to the grave of my mother's grandmother to burn incense, and my aunt would also go with her. For as long as I can remember, the number of people going to graves has gradually increased, including me and my brother.
During the Spring Festival six years ago, we found that the graves of my mother and grandmother had become much smaller, and the tail was even dug flat to grow vegetables. The mother complained to the landowner, mentioning that there were two granddaughters in the grave, and people came to pay respects every year. The landowner disagreed, believing that the mother was too old to come in the next few years, so digging up the graveyard could grow a few nests of vegetables and save the annual incense money. He also emphasized that there are no sons and grandchildren in the grave, and that his hometown has always followed such rules, and that his mother and aunt are both foreign surnames, and people who are old should also understand this.
This remark may sound reasonable, avoiding the embarrassing scene of a Chinese New Year quarrel, but it also provokes deeper thinking. In our hometown, if a grave has not been paid for a long time, it will indeed be dug up. And if there are no sons and grandchildren in the grave, it will be leveled for a maximum of ten years. Similar situations are not uncommon in other families.
I heard that the grave of another family has been buried for 40 years, and the shape is still the same, because the descendants of the owner of the grave have come out in succession, and there are people in front of the grave every year to pay respects. Although I was a little unhappy at first with this approach to the cemetery, after careful consideration, it seemed reasonable. The grave of my mother and grandmother is 70 years old, and digging up the land to grow vegetables is also a natural law of dust to dust.
These are just personal thoughts, and of course I don't dare to discuss them with older people in my hometown, so as not to cause unnecessary arguments. But it also makes people realize that the concept of equality between men and women in rural areas has not yet taken root in the hearts of the people, and this is not only limited to my hometown, but also may exist in other places.
In this story, the change of the cemetery of the old mother and grandmother provokes a series of reflections, not only about the memories of the family, but also touching on the traditional idea of patriarchy in the countryside. Perhaps, this is not just the situation in my hometown, but also a phenomenon in other places. While dealing with traditional concepts, we also need to look rationally at the natural laws of life. The fate of the cemetery may be a natural evolution, and we should understand this process at a deeper level in our perception.
To sum up, this story about the change of the cemetery not only triggers a reflection on traditional concepts, but also makes people see the existence of the idea of inequality between men and women in the countryside. However, the cycle of life is also a natural law, and we should cherish and understand the changes in life more while looking at traditional concepts rationally. Perhaps, the most important thing for this story is to keep an open mind and face family traditions and changes with a more tolerant attitude.
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