In this wisdom-rich classic, there is a well-thought-out fable called "The Kingfisher Moves to the Nest", which vividly depicts the kingfisher's nest on a high branch in order to avoid potential disasters.
When the young kingfisher broke out of the shell, out of deep love for the calf, the kingfisher's parents were worried that they would stumble and fall, so they carefully moved the nest to a relatively low position.
As the chicks begin to fly as they begin to soar, the kingfisher parents go the extra mile and move their nests to lower levels to keep their children safe at all times.
However, it is this excessive love that allows passers-by to easily reach and capture the little kingfisher that is not yet capable of self-defense.
The ancients were full of emotion about this: "If you love too much, you will cause harm." ”
There are many complex emotions in the world, but only the selfless and meticulous care of parents for their children is the purest and deepest.
However, with the passage of time, children gradually grow up**, and even start a family, there is inevitably a gap between the ideas and life experiences of the two generations.
What was supposed to be a sweet shelter can sometimes turn into a bondage, and well-intentioned intervention can also inadvertently cause negative effects.
Interfering too much in the trivial matters of children's lives according to one's own wishes may lead to dissatisfaction and resentment among children, and may lead to alienation of family affection and even enmity.
In particular, it should be noted that there are three types of things in the life path of children, and parents should try to avoid active intervention, and do not add to the problem by excessive care and hurt the foundation of family affection.
Don't blindly interfere in your children's marriage
Ye Chengcheng said: "When you fall in love, you have to quarrel and fall in love together." ”
After the young couple got married, they had their own small family, whether they lived with their parents or not, they were essentially an independent home.
Over time, they will also have some "confused accounts" of their own, which are not something that outsiders can figure out, even their parents.
If a family wants to have a good relationship, it must have a sense of boundaries and not be too sticky.
Otherwise, if you blindly participate in other people's affairs, you will definitely have to mess up.
In the TV series "Double-sided Tape", Shanghai girl Hu Lijuan and Northeast boy Li Yaping originally had a good relationship, but after getting married, Li Yaping took care of all the housework, and he was too good to say anything to Hu Lijuan, and became what everyone called a "model husband".
Hu Lijuan is also quite sensible, and she didn't lose her temper because her husband spoiled her.
The family was in harmony for the first time, and it was getting better and better. But later, Li Yaping took his parents from the Northeast, and things changed.
In Hu Lijuan's eyes, she seems to be an outsider in this home, separated from Li Yaping and his family, and there is an invisible barrier that makes her feel unable to fit in.
Since Hu Lijuan's parents visited, Li Yaping, who was originally gentle and considerate, was influenced by his mother with strong traditional concepts, and no longer cared for Hu Lijuan as much as before.
Whenever there are some small conflicts between husband and wife, Li's mother always stands up as soon as possible to accuse her daughter-in-law of being ignorant, so that Li Yaping no longer takes the initiative to coax Hu Lijuan.
When there are some differences of opinion between the husband and wife, Li's mother will force her son to do what he wants, completely ignoring Hu Lijuan's feelings.
Even when Li Yaping wanted to interact with his wife intimately, such as helping her serve meals or eating her leftovers, he would be accused by his mother of "losing the face of a man".
As time passed, Hu Lijuan's dissatisfaction with Li's mother became stronger and stronger, and the relationship between the husband and wife gradually faded, which eventually led to the breakdown of the marriage.
Writer Zhou Guoping once said: "A sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, which knows how to abide by the necessary distance between people, and this distance means respect for each other as an independent personality." ”
As parents, you should keep an appropriate distance from your children after they get married, and do not blindly interfere in their lives.
It's a sign of respect and protection for their little family.
Truly sensible parents will provide advice and help to their children when they need them, but will not interfere too much in their married life.
In their daily lives, they should pay more attention to their lives and hobbies and enjoy the good time.
Keeping the right distance from each other and respecting each other, caring and supporting each other is what a family is best looking at.
Don't take care of your children's lives
On the African continent, there is a unique species of spider mite, which has been in an endless foraging journey since the day it was born.
In the initial stage, the mother spider carefully kneades her food into tiny balls to nourish her young offspring.
When the initial meal is exhausted, the young spider mites climb on top of the mother and continue to ask for food.
If they are not satisfied, these hungry little beings will even rush to bite their mothers and engage in cruel acts of cannibalism.
This phenomenon is not uncommon in many biological groups, and even if parents exhaust everything, they often cannot escape the fate of being ruthlessly eaten by their children.
Let's review a true story in China, the protagonist is Yang Suo, who is from Henan and is known as "the first lazy man in the world".
He was doted on by his parents since birth, and he was gifted and good-looking, which should have been the pride of the family.
However, due to his boredom of studying, he dropped out of school in the first year of junior high school.
Despite this, his parents' affection for him did not diminish as a result, and they could not bear to see their son endure the slightest hardship and meet his financial needs in his daily life.
Unfortunately, Yang's father suffered from liver cancer, and his family's savings were depleted by medical expenses, and he eventually passed away.
However, the death of his father did not touch Yang Suo, and he still spent his days idle, forcing his mother to work hard outside the home during the day and take care of him at night.
Once, Yang's mother, who was sick in bed, begged her son to help remove weeds in the field, but Yang Suo responded indifferently: "I will never go, wait until you are well and do it yourself." ”
In the face of her son's ruthless rejection and the ensuing beating, Yang's mother was heartbroken and completely saw how this son, whom she had raised with all her might, was as cold as a white-eyed wolf.
Soon after, Yang's mother, who was tormented by psychological trauma and illness, also died in grief, leaving Yang Suo, who had no ability to survive, to struggle alone in this world.
In the end, Yang Suo starved to death in his own home, which made people sigh.
Soon after, Yang's mother died in the interweaving of grief and illness, leaving only Yang Suo, who could not take care of himself and was lonely, struggled to survive in this world, and finally ended his life in the tragic way of starving to death at home.
As we grow older, everyone should realize how precious and limited family time can be.
Every moment of companionship passes silently like grit in an hourglass, so we should cherish every time we spend with our families.
As parents, we have a great responsibility to shape our children's character and talents, and we should consciously guide them to cultivate a spirit of independence and avoid over-dependence.
There is an ancient adage: "Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, don't be horses and cattle for your children and grandchildren." This is a profound reminder that we should respect the space for our children's self-growth.
Lin Zexu once left a sentence that is deeply rooted in the hearts of the people:
If the son is better than me, money is of no great use to him, and a virtuous man who has too much wealth may wear down his will;
If the son is inferior to me, it is no good to leave behind wealth, and the foolish man who is sitting on a rich fortune will only exacerbate his faults. ”
Even if you accumulate mountains of gold and silver for future generations to enjoy, they will one day be exhausted.
Therefore, the wise thing to do is to be moderately "stingy" to your children at the right time, to establish correct values as soon as possible, so that they can deeply understand that instead of blindly asking for from their parents, it is better to improve themselves more and work hard.
In order not to fall into the dilemma of "promoting Mien, fighting Mi hatred", when one day the parents are unable to continue to supply, they will be resented by their children.
After all, everyone's life needs to be faced in person, and every journey in life must be completed by oneself.
There are some hardships that can only be understood by the children through their own experience. There are some difficulties, and only when they bear them themselves can they understand the difficulties and hardships of life. In this way, they can truly learn to deal with the ups and downs of life independently.
Don't interfere too much in the education of your grandchildren
Teacher Li Meijin said: "To educate children, there can only be one voice in the family. ”
In a family, there must be uniform standards for children's education and living habits. Traditionally, the elderly are always very fond of their grandchildren, just like the saying goes, the next generation is close to each other, and the heart is connected.
As long as you spend more time with your children and care more about them, of course this is no problem.
But the problem is that the two generations have very different ideas on education, food, and living habits, and they do their own things.
If this continues, not only will the child's father and mother have no authority in front of the child, but the child will not get a good growth environment.
In daily life, we often hear stories about the elderly helping their children with their children, which leads to family conflicts. Recently, a news report told such a story.
A 65-year-old man, Li Xianhua, has been helping his daughter Liu Na take care of her grandson for two years.
However, this seemingly warm time has brought endless grievances to the mother and daughter.
Liu Na's number of mothers was like a sharp knife, piercing her heart every word.
Don't buy snacks for your child, it's unhealthy; Don't add soy sauce to your child's dishes, it's unhealthy; Don't call him timid, don't frighten him; Don't show him ...... phoneEvery "don't" is like denying Li Xianhua's dedication.
And Liu Na also has her difficulties. She admits the hard work of raising children, but she insists on not making concessions on the issue of children's education, and is unwilling to make concessions on the issue of children's education because of the mother's hard work. She felt that her mother's doting on her grandson and the demolition of her own stage made her about to collapse.
Liu Na said: "I seem to be controlled by her all the time, it's crazy. ”
She felt that since her mother came to help her take care of the child, she seemed to have degenerated into an ignorant child everywhere, and her life and the child's life plan were not recognized.
This situation is not unique, and many families are torn between the older and younger generations.
As the Arabic proverb goes, "The world is changing rapidly, and yesterday's horses may not be able to catch up with today's camels." ”
In the rapidly changing world of this era, our ancestors should understand that the experiences of the past may no longer be applicable to the new world.
We should understand that we are helping to bring our children's children. We can care about their food and drink and give them enough company, but when it comes to education issues that affect their children's lives, parents should be the first to be responsible.
We should not actively interfere with our children's education.
The secret to reducing family conflicts is mutual respect, understanding, and consideration.
Grandparents should teach their children according to their wishes, not spoiling their grandchildren too much, and not disagreeing with them.
In this way, the family can be more harmonious and life will be better and better.
In the live broadcast room, Dong Yuhui once threw out a deafening opinion: "We should learn not to be obsessed with paying attention to children." ”
He profoundly pointed out that excessive attention and care for children, meticulous protection and frequent intervention not only cannot build an ideal growth environment for children, but may become shackles that restrict each other's growth, so that both parties are invisibly harmed.
Schopenhauer also had an incisive analogy: "Man is like a hedgehog in the cold winter, if he clings to each other, he will feel pain because of the spikes; If you are too far away, you will feel lonely because of the cold. Harmonious coexistence can only be achieved by finding and maintaining a moderate distance. ”
As a parent, I am always worried about whether I can give enough to my children, whether I can arrange every part of their life in every detail, and whether I can shield them from all difficulties when the storm comes.
However, after careful consideration, we will understand that the essence of true love lies in knowing how to give at the right time and in the right amount, and wisely taking a step back when necessary to give the child the space to fly independently.
Light up [Attention], share this insight, and hope that all parents who love their children in the world will encourage them to explore the best balance between education and care.