How are children's differences formed? After reading the following, you will have a deeper understanding.
It is hoped that children will show excellent traits as they grow up, but the reality is that differences between people often arise unconsciously.
This confuses many parents, who are unclear about how differences arise between their children, and who often feel overwhelmed in their children's growth and upbringing.
In fact, differences between children are caused by a variety of factors, including talent, environment, education, and attitude.
If we can understand and grasp the reasons for these differences, then we can avoid many detours in the process of educating children.
We will discuss in detail the factors that may lead to differences in children, and we hope it will be helpful to you.
01.Talent gap.
We all envy children who are gifted and have a significant impact on their learning path, but not every child has the same talent.
For example, my daughter was a very talkative little girl at the age of three, and she was curious about everything around her. At first, I would get irritated by my daughter's curious questions, and sometimes I would interrupt her and say, "Shut up, don't talk while I'm busy."
Such a reaction will make the child feel disliked by her parents, and as a result, her curiosity will gradually disappear. This is part of the gap between children, and it is also the talent that we ignore children.
Afterwards, I felt deeply guilty and secretly made up my mind: "I must listen to my daughter in the future." ”
But it doesn't take long for my daughter to speak and I get busy with my work. I think it just disturbs me from thinking. In fact, that's part of the gap between kids. The children's chattering and chattering is the active period of their curiosity and desire to explore.
If we are impatient with our children at this stage, or even think that children talk too much, what will children think? They will only think that "Mom and Dad hate me", and all the whims of the past will disappear with your impatience.
This is the evil fruit of perfunctory and impatientness, and it destroys the child's talent for expression. Therefore, if a child is not good, it does not mean that they are not talented, but that their talent is not taken seriously. This talent gap is also about how parents respond.
If you believe that children are talented, they will be talented, even if there is no current strength, with your encouragement and guidance, the child's talent will slowly appear.
02.Environmental gaps.
The environmental gap lies in the subtle influence of the family. It has been said that the best "cram school" for children is the family and the parents. What can widen the gap between children is also the subtle influence from families and parents.
Especially behind those children who seem to have been excellent since childhood, there is basically a family that can wake the child out of the comfort zone.
I especially admire a mother who is a top student, her daughter's grades have always been at the top of her class.
At the beginning, I, like all parents, felt that the reason why Xueba became a Xueba was that they had a talent for learning. In fact, behind the top students is the influence of the family atmosphere and parents' efforts.
That's what happened to this school-top girl. After a mid-term result was released, the teacher asked the students to take the test papers home and sign them. The girl who scored 99 points was the first in the class test.
After she took the test paper home, her mother not only signed Xiuqi's name, but also wrote a comment in the blank space of the test paper:
Thanks to the teacher's hard work and patient guidance, the child's current foundation is okay, but he still lacks the ability to summarize the wrong questions, and I hope to work with the teacher to make the child go to the next level."
The child also wrote a reflection under his mother's comments: "I didn't read the question carefully, I must be serious next time."
This kind of feedback on the test paper gives people the feeling of "paying enough attention", and the comments written by the mother on the test paper also reflect her serious footsteps with the child.
Looking at the children in the class who did not sign, when the teacher asked why, many students replied, "My parents said they had already read the papers."
This reminds me of a saying: "Crops will grow in the end if they are not watered, but the harvest will be different."
It's the same with educating children. You don't pay attention to the summary of your child's mistakes, and other parents will pay attention to it; If you don't pay attention to your child's growth and progress, other parents will.
That's where the gap opens.
In addition, the original intention of the teacher to ask the students to take the test papers home and sign them is also to summarize experience, promote communication and companionship. Just like the manual homework that kindergarten children bring home, there are few babies who can complete it alone, and they need the help of their parents.
And this help is precisely to provide an interactive part of the parent-child relationship. If you ask for your child's homework as an entry, the final result is nothing more than the parents getting it done and the children getting it for nothing; Parents and children also lost a rare opportunity for parent-child interaction.
So whenever my daughter brings back her handwork from kindergarten, I always play a supporting role. In the end, she brought her bizarre work to school, but she confidently considered her "work to be the most creative."
This is the profound impact that the family environment and parental attitudes have on children. Only if you convince your child that they are creative will they create more valuable things in the future.
3.Gaps in education.
The gap in education is whether or not children can step out of their comfort zone.
With the same school, class and teacher, why do some children excel and others don't?
Obviously, it doesn't have much to do with the school, class, or teacher. Some parents even think, "As long as you maintain a good relationship with the teacher in private, your child will receive special care at school." "But in fact, the real excellence of children depends on themselves. You can't wake up a child who is pretending to be asleep, and neither can the teacher.
I know a mother who has been through three divorces and didn't wake up until her fourth marriage. She felt most sorry for the abandoned children in her previous marriage. To make amends, she poured all her love and guilt into her daughter born from her fourth marriage.
Since kindergarten, she has invested a lot of money to send her daughter to an aristocratic school where relatives are kindergarten teachers. When she entered elementary school, she volunteered to become a member of the Parent Association and gave gifts and meals to her teachers during the holidays.
I thought that the road ahead had been paved for the child, and the child should have no obstacles in learning, at least at the level of an excellent student. But this girl, who grew up and didn't have to worry about anything, seems to have gotten used to this carefree life.
However, what about the child's growth? It is best to conform to the laws of natural development. No one stays in their comfort zone forever, and no parent can protect their children forever. For a child who will grow up sooner or later, parents who really know how to educate will let their children go through the process of growing up bitter and then sweet.
The mother lacked such awareness. She thinks that by arranging everything for her children, she can achieve excellence, but how long can this good time last?
From about the time the girls are in the third grade, the class teacher changes every year. Coupled with the fact that the girl herself is accustomed to living in her comfort zone, she feels unbearable when the teacher criticizes it slightly. The child is tired of school because he can't stand the criticism. Maybe you think the teacher is too harsh, but if this teacher doesn't criticize, the next teacher won't necessarily not criticize. Just like you are reluctant to educate your child now, the society will educate him fiercely for you in the future.
The shortcomings in children are not terrible, what is terrible is that parents let their children stay in their comfort zone and deceive themselves. Can you give your child the motivation to change when they encounter setbacks and difficulties? This is also one of the important factors that widen the gap.
Therefore, children's learning and growth are not only a test of the children themselves, but also a test of how parents can correctly view their children's growth and their love and wisdom.
4.Attitude gaps.
The gap in attitudes is reflected in the interaction between parents and children.
I don't know if you believe that in addition to academic talent, family environment, and comfort zone, the gap between children comes from the interaction between parents and children. There is a father who is very capable and earns a lot of money outside every year. He originally thought that after a few more years of hard work, he would be able to go home to rest and accompany his son to grow up.
But when he made enough money to go home, he found that his son was fighting outside and trying to avoid school every day. Looking at his self-depraved son, the father wanted to discipline him, but he couldn't do anything about it. In order to help his son turn over a new leaf, the father tried many methods and asked around for parenting experience.
I heard that there is a mother in the neighboring village who is very good at educating her children, and the children she has raised have been the top students in the class since they were young. So my father immediately drove to ask for help. But unexpectedly, when the father arrived at the destination with his son, he directly took out a card and handed it to the mother, and said confidently: "As long as you can help me transform the child, money is not a problem." ”
Looking at her somewhat arrogant father, her mother instantly lost her favor. Originally, she was going to share some parenting experiences, but now she is hindered by bad emotions and doesn't want to talk. Later, after explanations from relatives and friends, although the misunderstanding was resolved, the mother still did not agree to help.
"It has always been the responsibility of parents to educate their children," she said. If you want to transform your children well, you also need the education and companionship of your parents. If you just spend money on someone else's education, then the child's subconscious relationship with his parents will also be a monetary relationship. You don't want your child to go missing in the future except for money to find you, right? Increase your interaction with your child from now on. ”
I think so. Whether parents pay enough attention to their children's feelings can affect their children's attitudes; Whether or not parents interact with their children regularly can also influence whether or not they are willing to share with you. As said, changing a child starts with changing yourself; The child's attitude stems from the parent's attitude; Children's habits are also inseparable from the dedication and efforts of parents.
If you don't know how to transform a spoiled child for the better, then don't do anything and say nothing for a while; Set aside a day to spend with your children; Then throughout the day, I don't talk about learning, I don't talk about habits; When you imagine yourself as a child to play with you, you can also see many things that you don't normally understand; Children are not interested in learning just because they are playful; It doesn't mean they're dumber or stupider than others; Once you figure this out, your perception of your child will naturally change. The emotions of looking at children are no longer so restless;
Therefore, there is no problem that understanding and communication cannot solve; As long as you accompany and change the child with patience; They will naturally be educated slowly; If you are disappointed in your child, you don't care; That child will also become more and more depraved.
So on the question of how to open the gap between children; What other suggestions and opinions do you have? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!