Qian Zhongshu's "The Siege of the City" is a unique satire in the history of modern Chinese literature, and is known as the "Neo-Confucian Foreign History". One of the most thought-provoking sentences is probably the sentence "Marriage is a besieged city, people outside the city want to enter, and people in the city want to come out".
This classic line undoubtedly reveals the complexity and contradiction of marriage. Those outside the city are eager to enter the palace of marriage, while those in the city are eager to escape from this "besieged city" that binds them.
This applies not only to marriage, but also to many other aspects of life, such as work, life, and so on. It reminds us not to blindly pursue certain things, but to look at things rationally and make the choices that are best for us.
When we read the book deeply, we will find that there are no sentences that are exactly the same. This quote is the essence of the book. If you trace the ** of this sentence, it should be said by Qian Zhongshu's wife Yang Jiang in the opening of the TV series "Siege".
"The theme of 'The Siege' is that people inside the city want to escape, and people outside the city want to come in," she said. Whether it's marriage, career, or life aspirations, most of them are like this. ”
Marriage is a special mutual relationship in human society, a form of social organization formed by two genders, whose goal is to live together for a long time, and is recognized and protected by social customs and laws.
Marriage is the premise of the birth of a family, and a happy marriage is also the cornerstone of family happiness. However, in this materialistic world, people have become impetuous, and many seemingly indestructible marriages have collapsed like lightning.
In contrast, the marriage of a man and a woman in ancient times seems absurd, and the two have never met, but have become lifelong partners at the behest of their parents and the words of the matchmaker.
Whether a marriage is happy or not depends on many factors, such as whether it is compatible, whether there is a common language, whether the outlook on life and worldview is the same, and so on. These factors are often difficult for us to understand during the relationship stage.
However, the ancients, with their wisdom and experience, have summed up some wise sayings about marriage for us. For example, "I'd rather marry a second flower than marry a bereaved person." What kind of women do the "second flowers" and "bereaved people" refer to?
Why did our ancestors tell us this? This question is worth pondering. After all, marriage is not the end of love, but the continuation and sublimation of love.
In the course of history, marriage has gone through several stages of evolution, but for a long time, marriage between men and women had nothing to do with love, but only for the purpose of procreation.
The stages of marriage can be roughly divided into primitive group marriage, blood marriage, robbery marriage, extra-family marriage, couple marriage and monogamous marriage. In this process, the influence of love is minimal, and the union of a man and a woman is almost always aimed at the woman giving birth to a boy for the man.
In ancient times, after the marriage relationship was established, if the woman could not give birth to a son for the man, the man had the right to divorce his wife, which was called "violating the Seven Laws and Regulations". The breakdown of marriage was not uncommon in ancient times, but most women would choose to be patient, and women who were abandoned by their husbands would also be ridiculed by others, which was the helplessness of ancient women.
By the Tang Dynasty, marriage began to become free, divorce was also accepted by society, and young women after divorce were called "second flowers". The meaning of the second flower is that, like a plum blossom, it blooms for the second time, and the young woman still has youth.
Later, the term "second flower" was used to refer specifically to young women who were divorced and had no children.
In the eyes of the ancients, such women can live a good life, they have experienced failed marriages, and they will cherish their new marriages more and know how to teach their husbands and children. Now it seems that "February Flower" is more attractive, there are no children involved, it is easier to invest in the newlywed, and it is more aware that people will hurt people, and they will not be favored and arrogant.
Of course, there are many women who do not have the qualifications to become "February flowers", and these women are called "bereavements".
In ancient marriages, the term "widower" referred to a woman who had been abandoned by her husband and had a child. This title implies their low status and abandonment by their husbands.
In ancient societies, women often had to abide by the strict rules of "three obedience and four virtues", and even if they were cautious, they might be abandoned by their husbands for reasons such as "talking too much".
Women who had been divorced by their husbands faced many difficulties in the society of the time, because men had the right to divorce their wives only if the woman had made a mistake. Such a rule makes it difficult for abandoned women to find a new marriage partner, because few men are willing to marry a woman who has made a mistake.
The ancients believed that making mistakes is often a reflection of a person's character. Especially those women who are divorced because of **, they are often labeled as demeaning and avoided by people.
The ancients were very sensitive to this, and they didn't want to see such a thing happen to them. In addition, the ancients also believed in the arrangement of fate, and women who were abandoned by their husbands were often believed to have the life of "Kefu", because the ancients believed that a woman's life would lead to the early death of her husband.
For the sake of their own lives, the ancients were naturally reluctant to marry such a woman, and they were not sure if their fate would be better than that of the woman who was kefu. Therefore, the ancients firmly believed that it was not advisable to marry those who were forsaken.
Although modern society has scoffed at the theory of Kuff, for women who have had children, children are still an inseparable part of their hearts, and sometimes even affect their determination to reconnect with their feelings.
So, in today's society,"Second degree flower"The term has also gradually become popular. And in the long river of history, no matter what"Second degree flower"Still"Left behind", they have all felt sad because of their failed marriages and the bitterness of life.
However, at the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty, Cao Cao had a special affection for these two types of women, of course, provided that their appearance needed to be passable.
Cao Cao, a generation of talents, he loves the country and the country, and his pursuit of beauty has never stopped. Among his many women, there are February flowers, the figure of the remnant. Mrs. Du, who was the wife of Qin Yilu, a general of Lu Bu's department, gave birth to a son Qin Lang for him.
However, Qin Yilu was arranged by Lü Bu to envoy Yuan Shu, and Yuan Shu betrothed her to the Han clan as his wife, and Du and his son were abandoned. When Cao Cao attacked Lü Bu, Guan Yu wanted to marry Mrs. Du, but Cao Cao cut Hu from it, and Nadu was his concubine.
Since then, the Du family has changed from a widow to Cao Cao's concubine.
For example, Cao Cao once married Lady Yin, the daughter-in-law of the great general He Jin, as a concubine, and he also loved those second-degree flowers and the bereaved people. Although some people are prejudiced against those who are left behind, Cao Cao does not care, after all, he himself is the creator of prejudice.
Although some people think that "it is better to marry a second flower than to marry a widower", happiness is the most important thing in today's marriage. Whether the person you like is a second flower or a left behind, as long as you have confirmed the eyes, she is the right person, why care about her identity?
Love and marriage should be free, and a truly good marriage is not about how much passion we can get from it, but about how much we can grow in the relationship. Marriage doesn't need too many sweet words, sometimes just a warm word is enough, because companionship is the most affectionate confession.