Research shows that the root cause of perfectionism comes from unrealistic expectations growing up. These expectations come from parents, caregivers, or themselves. When an individual grows up and is given too high requirements by his parents or caregivers, or even pays the corresponding price for failing to meet the requirements, the individual will slowly form the concept of "no mistakes are allowed" to pursue perfection in everything.
At the same time, this notion is deepened as individuals grow up to be praised and affirmed by others for their perfection. Doing things perfectly is recognized, and recognition reinforces higher self-requirements, and this cyclical reinforcement eventually becomes an individual's measure of himself: the affirmation or praise of others is a sign of success. As the saying goes, once the pursuit of perfection breaks down or can be met but cannot be sought, once it is not praised or affirmed by others, individuals will have extreme anxiety, from extreme self-confidence to extreme inferiority, just like Nina in the film, and finally trapped themselves in the cage of inferiority complex and lost themselves.
Adler pointed out in his work "Inferiority and Transcendence" that the inferiority complex is generated under a chain mechanism of "comparison-evaluation-stimulation", which is accompanied by the generation of self-emotion. Therefore, perfectionist individuals, although they claim to be omnipotent and strive for perfection, are actually using superficial perfection to cover up the extreme inferiority complex and low self-esteem that lies behind their behavior. When their inner inferiority complex is intertwined with emotions such as self-esteem and self-esteem, individuals will have the inferiority complex of wanting to get rid of others being better than themselves on the one hand, and on the other hand, they will challenge difficult things with the mentality of not admitting defeat in order to prove that they are better than others. Once the goal is achieved, the individual's perfect psychology will be satisfied, but at the same time, it will also present another higher challenge; Once the goal is not achieved, the individual will lose the motivation to move forward and fall into defeatism, and then in order to cover up or reverse the state of failure, the individual will challenge higher goals in order to prove himself, and then fall into failure again, and fall into a vicious circle.
Individuals who pursue perfection excessively, once they put themselves in a strong sense of inferiority because of failure, their cognition will be in conflict mode, and it will be extremely difficult to live well, let alone succeed in the jungle competition. For this reason, in order to be successful, the growing individual must recognize himself, get rid of the pressure of perfectionism, and find the "relatively right path".
What is the "relatively right path"? The so-called relatively correct path is the path to put aside the evaluation of others, let go of self-limitation, benefit one's own interests, and let one's abilities be effectively brought into play. Maybe this path is not bright in the eyes of others, but if you can persevere, you will find the soil for yourself to grow, and finally let the flower of success bloom.
There is a line in "Black Swan": "Perfection is not all about control, it also comes from letting go." This sentence just proves the secret of Musk's success. In the process of growing up, instead of sticking to a "right path" that others identify, it is better to first find a "relatively correct path", let go of excessive expectations of oneself, let go of excessive worries about the results, and do one's best to achieve the goal, so as to experience that perfection is not the only choice in life. Of course, to do this, you must first have the quality of bravery, the courage to let go of the fear of imperfection, the courage to create your own life denial, the courage to try what you are not good at, and always stick to it. Just like Adio Reesi's evaluation of Musk: "As long as he is optimistic, he will continue to work hard until he reaches his goal." ”
The book Bravery, Not Perfection tells us, "Courage requires day-to-day, consistent practice. In life, we will always face new setbacks and tougher challenges that require us to respond accordingly, including staying healthy, giving ourselves room to grow, avoiding impulsiveness, and avoiding regrets, so that bravery becomes a lifelong habit. ”
Give up retreating in the face of success, don't overdo the pursuit of perfection, don't pay too much attention to external evaluations and reactions, don't let the heart carry too much pressure, don't restrain yourself, and let yourself move forward easily, so that you can embrace the truth of your life, ignore criticism and accusations, and finally break out of the cocoon into a butterfly.