We've all imagined that kind of ** old age - when our children get married and start a business, we retire and rest in peace. When we have time, we can go to the children's house for a few days and spend a relaxing and comfortable old age.
However, such old age seems to be becoming less and less common.
This happened to my old friend, Sister Lin. The husband suffers from Alzheimer's disease, and the children cannot escape because of their respective families and careers. Sister Lin can only take care of her seriously ill husband alone. After her husband died, Sister Lin originally wanted to sell her old house and take turns living with her children. However, the children apparently have other plans - they want to take possession of Sister Lin's property.
Living alone seemed to be her best option. She lives the life she wants, buys what she wants to eat, does what she wants, and often chats with her children and chats about daily life. "When you are old, you should learn to be selfish. "This is the advice that Sister Lin gave me.
Sister Lin's experience made me think, how can we spend our old age with dignity?Is there really nothing we can do about unfilial children?
The wife is sick, and the children are not filial.
After my wife and I retired, we were looking forward to enjoying our old age, traveling around the world, and participating in some senior activities. Who knows, not long after retirement, his wife suddenly suffered a stroke and was bedridden.
At first, the doctor said that the situation could be improved as long as it was done properly. My wife and I are hopeful about **. I patiently take care of my wife every day, and I also hired a nanny to come several times a week to help me with housework, help my wife turn over and other heavy work. We also hire a physicist to come to your home to do it
Unfortunately, his wife's physical condition deteriorated day by day, and she was half-paralyzed and bedridden for a long time. I had to take care of everything, including food, drinks and toiletries. At first, my sister was able to help, but then my husband was too heavy and it was difficult for me to support him alone, so I had to hire an older girl every day to help me.
I'm under a lot of financial pressure right now. Paying two nannies every month alone takes up all my pension, and I have to rely on my wife's pension to make ends meet. I also understand in my heart, I am an old lady, how can I take care of my wife for so long?I wanted the kids to come back and take turns taking care of my wife, but they all refused for various reasons.
My daughter is retired at home. I asked her to help me, and she said that the pension was too small, and she had to save money to buy a house for her son, so she had no time to take care of his wife. The son just started his own business, and he asked his daughter-in-law to help, but every time the daughter-in-law refused because of something.
They just manipulated me, and all my requests were denied without exception. I felt very bitter in my heart, and my body couldn't stand it, so I had to continue to hire a nanny. I understand that the children have their own lives and it is unrealistic to expect them to take care of my wife for a long time.
For two years, my caregiver and I watched my wife's health deteriorate, but there was nothing we could do. I'm always worried about my wife's health, and I'm mentally exhausted. My little savings are running out.
I often ask myself: I have dedicated most of my life to my children, can't they understand my difficulties and help me share some of them?I understand that they have their own difficulties, but at least they should visit their wives often. But they may not show up for months. I'm really sad.
I thought I should do them a favor when I was young and strong. Now that I'm old, they don't value me anymore. Is family affection really that fragile?
My wife passed away and my kids had other plans.
After two years of care, his wife's health continued to deteriorate and eventually passed away due to a serious illness. The death of my wife hit me hard and I was very sad. Fortunately, the employer gave me a pension, which allowed me to temporarily relieve my financial difficulties.
At my wife's memorial service, I saw the faces of my son and daughter, whom I hadn't seen in a long time. They hesitantly told me that it was not convenient for me to live alone as an old lady since my wife died. It's better to sell this old house and live with them, and everyone can take care of me.
I knew in my heart that the purpose of their proposal was to get my house. Because the room I live in is the welfare housing of my wife's workplace, the location is very good, and it can be sold at a good price. I didn't agree, saying that I could take care of myself and get used to living alone.
My son and daughter's faces changed suddenly, and my daughter blamed me for not having a "sense of unity" and not leaving my savings to future generations. I explained that I had run out of savings over the years to take care of my wife. Now that the children have grown up and have jobs, it is more practical for me to keep this money for myself. But the daughter still looked unhappy.
Later, I heard my daughter-in-law privately tell my son that she would try her best to persuade me to move out of the old house, and that "a little coaxing is fine."
I understand that they want to put the property in my name before they consider taking me to live with them. But I saw through their little calculations.
I've also heard that they are going to let me give them my monthly pension as a living expense. I guess they're trying to take advantage of me. My pension was increased to three or four thousand yuan. Giving them is like raising my children.
I knew in my heart that they really didn't want to deal with me. They did it apparently for my house and pension. If I believe that they will give me a comfortable life in my old age, then I must be wishful thinking.
I still remember that during the years when my wife was sick, they pretended to turn a deaf ear to my cries for help. Now as soon as my wife dies, they will come and ask me for money, and I can see it very clearly.
Maybe in the eyes of others, I am suspected of being unruly. But I knew in my heart that keeping the house and money to myself was the most practical. In the end, you can only rely on yourself, and you can't count on others. I will no longer give everything to my children like I did back then, and end up with nothing.
I rejected my children's advice and chose to continue living alone. They had to give up, but I knew I had seen through their tricks. Affection should not be based on conditions or an exchange of benefits. I was very disappointed. However, I will often chat with them and be a positive and optimistic old man.
Rejected the children's advice and chose to live alone.
After my wife's funeral, I politely but firmly declined the children's suggestion that I move in with them. I understood that their purpose was my old house and savings, and they didn't really want to take care of me as an old woman.
I chose to continue living alone. I don't think there's anything wrong with living alone. On the contrary, I felt relaxed and at ease. I've lived in this house for decades. It's a hometown full of memories that you can't leave yet. The house is located in the center of the city, with easy access to transportation and shopping. For an old man like me, it couldn't be more suitable to continue living here.
And I don't have much savings anymore. If I share it with my children, my life will be stressful. My little pension is only enough for me to spend on my own, and I don't want to spend all day. Such a life is disrespectful to people.
Besides, I don't want to be watched over by my daughter-in-law all day and lose my freedom. I was also able to cook and clean myself, so living alone wasn't a problem at all. I still have a pension from my wife, so I don't have to worry about money for the time being.
The children are busy with work and family, how can they have time to take care of me as an old woman every day? In the end, I will only be a burden to them. I can't and don't want to rely on them all the time.
When they saw that I was resolute, they had to give up. I know they must be unhappy with me inside, but on the outside they still have to be harmonious. I didn't argue with them, I just felt that they were young and had a hard time understanding my thoughts.
I often ask myself, shouldn't I trust my children and leave myself in their care? But on second thought, I also have my own life to live, and I can't just think about other people's thoughts and interests.
Maybe this doesn't seem generous enough to others, but I understand that I have to take responsibility for my old age. I'm also worried about what will happen if they don't give me living expenses after I give all the money to my children? I have to think about the worst-case scenario.
Although it is a pity that I cannot leave my life savings to my children and grandchildren, when I think of my empty pockets, I still feel that I have made the right choice. I believe that living a comfortable life is my best choice.
I will try to learn to adapt to one's life. Even when I feel lonely, I call the kids to chat and ask them to come back to see me often. I'm not going to break up with them completely, I still treat them as my closest family members. I believe that as long as we have the right attitude, we will eventually understand each other.
Live alone and learn to be comfortable.
After choosing to live alone, it was difficult for me to adjust to my new environment. At first, it was really lonely to live alone, and I began to regret not living with the kids. But gradually, I discovered that living alone also has its benefits.
I can live the life I want without caring about what other people think. I can buy my favorite food and no longer live a simple life just to save money. I can also change the furniture as I want without worrying about tipping over my wife's crutches.
I took the time to learn how to use my smartphone so I could chat with my kids at all times. I will also watch the ** of various knowledge and skills taught by the elderly to enrich myself. I have found that mobile phones are really good companions for the elderly. It helped me spend a lot of time.
I will participate in some high-level activities and make more friends. I would also go out for a walk on my own and go to the supermarket. The freedom I had not felt for a long time made me feel joy again. I found that I was not alone and that my life was still very fulfilling.
Sometimes I miss my wife and feel unbearable loneliness. At this time, I will call the child ** and talk about it. Although they were not very happy with me living alone, they still cared about me and often asked me how I was doing. This already makes me grateful.
Although my child didn't understand me very well, it was understandable. I understand that it takes time to understand each other, and I approach the process with a positive and optimistic attitude. The important thing is that they still see me as their mother, and I see them as my own mother. This is my greatest comfort.
I learned to stop being child-centered, but self-centered, and enjoy life. I know that the old age is precious and must be spent well.
This is what people should do when they are old, be moderately selfish, think more about themselves, and enjoy every moment of life. For me, it's a dignified way of life. Although lonely, my life is satisfying. It was my best old age.