Emotional expert Tu Lei once said: "In marriage, I am most afraid that my husband will automatically divide his life after marriage directly from the bottom of his heart, and from the bottom of his heart, he thinks that men are only responsible for making money, and women naturally have to do housework, day and night with children and take care of the family." ”
After becoming a housewife, a woman needs to do housework, also needs to take care of children, and even needs to become a professional woman, like a man to earn money to support the family, like feeling tired when she comes home from work, but some men will still think that doing housework is a woman's duty and treat their wives as free nannies.
Being treated as a free nanny and doing endless housework is the reason why many women hate to go back to their in-laws' house for the New Year. Originally, the Spring Festival holiday was an opportunity for people to relax, rest and buy New Year's goods, but when I met some men who don't know how to love you and double standards, as well as my husband's family, then this so-called Spring Festival holiday has become a day of suffering for myself.
I remember when I was a child, when I went to my grandmother's house for the Chinese New Year, 15 people got together, and my grandmother prepared more than a dozen dishes, but she did it alone. While others were eating, laughing, blessings, and boasting about their business, Grandma was busy until there was only a few leftovers left on the table before she could sit down and make do with a little. Such a Spring Festival holiday is really busy for her.
In order to go home for the New Year, Ms. Lu quarreled with her husband. The husband is the kind of person who is particularly filial, and thinks that Ms. Lu is not filial if she does not follow her back to her hometown for the New Year, and she does not give him face at all. Ms. Pan couldn't bear it anymore and blamed her husband: "During the Spring Festival holiday for more than ten days, you play cards every day, and I serve more than a dozen of you alone, you are completely unworthy of me to give you face." ”
01.My husband didn't ask my opinion, so he promised his in-laws that he would definitely go back to his hometown for the Chinese New Year
My in-laws called ** and asked when we were going back. He said that according to the past practice, the holiday should start on the 25th of the lunar month, so that his parents can rest assured, and as soon as he stopped work, he packed up his things and took his wife and children home for the New Year.
Before her husband promised to go home for the Chinese New Year, he did not ask Ms. Pan for advice. You must know that the two have been married for 7 years, and there is only one time to go back to their parents' house for the New Year.
In fact, what really made Ms. Lu angry was actually another thing her husband said: "The bathroom floor is too dirty, I can't wash it." Ouch, Mom, don't get it, your waist can't do it. When we come back, you leave it to your daughter-in-law. Don't wash those thick clothes and quilts, and don't clean up, and when she comes back to clean up, you'll be done, and you can wait to enjoy the blessings! ”
The mother and son chatted, and the husband's words were vibrant, of course, which was also approved by the mother-in-law, but after Ms. Pan listened, she felt very uncomfortable, and she was angry when she thought of the treatment at her husband's house before the Chinese New Year, and then quarreled with her husband.
02.During the Spring Festival holiday, he slept until late and woke up to play cards, and his life was very comfortable
Last year, Ms. Lu was very resistant to going home for the Chinese New Year, but when Ms. Lu came home from work and found that she and her daughter's luggage had been packed and put in the car, Ms. Lu said that she was very angry, thinking that her husband did not respect her, and the two had an argument.
If you don't go back, what will my relatives think of my parents? They will laugh at me and my parents, men value face very much, can you give me some face? ”
Ms. Lu was reluctant, so she had to get in the car and follow her husband back to her in-laws' house for the New Year. In the car, she asked her husband to promise her two things. First, she must protect her and prevent her in-laws from making trouble for her. Second, share the chores together and don't keep her busy.
At that time, he agreed, and when he returned to his hometown, his behavior told me that what he said was actually like a fart and that he couldn't take it seriously. ”
So how did Ms. Lu's husband spend the 10-day Spring Festival holiday? In the morning, I slept until I woke up naturally, and I wanted to play with my mobile phone in bed for a while, and when the meal was finished, Ms. Pan urged him three times and asked him to go downstairs slowly, and he was reluctant to get up to greet his relatives. After eating, the bowl was thrown away, and I went to play mahjong with three or five fox friends and dog friends. Last year, my husband played mahjong for seven days during the 10-day holiday.
At around seven o'clock in the evening, my husband came home and began to enjoy the dinner we had worked so hard to prepare, and after washing up, he went back to his bedroom, immersed himself in the game, and barely fell asleep until the early hours of the morning.
I couldn't stand it anymore, and wanted to wake him up and not let him go out to play cards, but my mother-in-law came to stop me, saying that he had worked hard for a year, and finally had time to rest, let him have a good time! "Yes, his son worked very hard, for a year. What about me? My salary is no lower than my husband's, and my overtime hours are not less than his, so why should I become their free babysitter during the New Year? ”
03.I have to serve more than a dozen people every day, busy inside and out, and I am more tired than work
Ms. Lu's husband's grandfather is still alive, and her in-laws have been taking care of her, and her husband's uncle's family of six people will come back every year for the New Year, plus Ms. Pan's husband and wife, 11 people gathered together, however, Ms. Pan is always the only one who works.
On the 25th of the lunar month, we had a holiday, and we arrived the next afternoon, and I didn't even have time to catch my breath, so the task of making dinner was entrusted to me. "After that, I started cleaning, cleaning my in-laws' house inside and out, and I did the physical work such as cleaning the glass. If the weather is good, my mother-in-law even asks me to wash all my clothes and bedding. ”
On the second and third days of the New Year, it is the time for guests to visit the house, and there are more than 20 people. On more than one occasion, Ms. Lu suggested that they book a hotel, but they were all rejected on the grounds that it would cost money and that the job of preparing lunch for 20 people still belonged to Ms. Lui.
When Ms. Lu complained about her experience to her colleagues, she was counted down by her colleagues: "You asked for it, why did you agree to go back with him, when you obviously went back by yourself?" Legs grow on you. If you don't go back, what else can he do with you? What's the use of a man who doesn't know how to love his wife? You've got to have a temper! ”
You dare to quarrel with him, dare to fall out with him, what are you afraid of? "You have a job, your salary is not lower than his, even if you get divorced, you can support yourself and your daughter, why are you so cowardly and sacrifice yourself to fulfill his so-called face? ”
Thinking that her salary is not lower than that of her husband, Ms. Pan has confidence in her heart, and this time, she will not compromise: "Going back to your side for the New Year is more tiring than me working overtime for a week." "This year, we will all go back to our respective homes, if you don't like it, let's divorce, get things done as soon as possible, just break up early, I'm really fed up with being your wife. ”
After Ms. Lu said these cruel words, her husband fell silent for a while, and stopped mentioning the matter of forcing Ms. Lu to go back to her husband's house for the New Year. Ms. Lu has already said hello to her parents and decided to go back to her parents' house for the Spring Festival in the future.
04.Always going against the grain, it really makes people bully all the time
Psychologist Sigmund Freud said, "In any relationship, we have to dare to defend our boundaries with anger." People who can't express their anger are like a country that doesn't have any ** to arm itself. ”
Whether it is a man or a mother-in-law, if they have the courage to take you as a free nanny, it is often because you don't know how to resist, and always think of the attitude of "enduring the calm for a while" gives them such confidence.
When you meet someone who is reasonable, shameful, and has a bottom line, you can indeed get good results by enduring it for a while. But if you meet someone who only knows how to consider your own feelings and will do anything for your own benefit, your concessions represent your weakness, it means that you can be bullied, and it means that you still have the opportunity to continue to benefit from you. Therefore, your concession is exchanged for the other party's nose and face, and unscrupulously trampling your dignity under your feet.
As the writer Yu Hua said: "When we treat the world in a ** way, the world suddenly becomes gentle." ”
When a man asks you to consider his face, you first have to consider whether he gave you face and gave you what you wanted.
A woman's giving face to her husband is based on the premise that the man has given her enough internal support so that she can live a stable life. Marriage also needs to be equal, and while asking the wife to make a great contribution to the family, she needs it.
Today's topic: Did you spend the Spring Festival at your in-law's house this year? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.