Actor Ben Stein says that successful people know how to adapt in order to succeed, and sticking to self-defeating habits can prevent you from reaching your true potentialLife is a long and exciting journey that has taken me to many places: Hillary Rodham Clinton's law school; writing speeches for Richard Nixon at the White House; Preparation of a ** prospectus on Wall Street in New York; And, for the past 18 years, he has written and performed in Hollywood.
I've seen the way successful people work and play. But I also know a lot of people who didn't make it – shining stars who sold shirts in college; a computer whiz who delivers pizza; A mathematical genius who repaired pipes.
Like them, too many people have the wisdom to succeed but never succeed. Why do some people count the money while others curse the unpaid bills? Of course, luck also plays a role. But more often than not, people bring bad luck to themselves by falling into a self-defeating attitude and shooting themselves in the foot.
Here are some of the most serious pitfalls. I call them the eight habits of the truly unsuccessful people.
Delusional thinking
Unsuccessful people always lie to themselves in their own lives. I used to think that people who were habitually dishonest could not succeed.
Sadly, I learned more: it's possible to succeed – at least financially, while lying to others. But it's absolutely impossible to be dishonest about yourself – about where you are in life, your chances of achieving your goals, your shortcomings – but still keep going.
"Unsuccessful people always lie to themselves in life".A neighbor of mine teaches art part-time. Now, there's nothing wrong with having it as a hobby, but it's never going to pay her enough to live the middle-class life she craves.
Despite complaining about how poor she was, she couldn't seem to understand why part-time teaching wasn't paid enough to make a good living.
Not produced
I've talked to people time and time again who have failed to acquire any useful skills and who are willing to pay real money**.
They can't understand the basic truth that humans make money because they are able to do something. They don't understand the inevitable fact that people get paid well for doing things that add a lot of value.
That means medicine, law, finance, or something that helps others**, buys a house, or makes money – and on a large scale. If financial success is your goal, you have to produce or create what others want.
My father was an economist who told me that all the rewards in life come from financial capital or human capital.
Financial capital is often inherited; You have no control over this. But human capital – a marketable skill – can only be acquired through training and hard work. Unsuccessful people can run away with this fact with their whole lives.
Punish friends
Unsuccessful people are accustomed to showing pleasure and gratitude to those who are not helpful to them, and contempt and disappreciation to those who are kind. I see this with amazing regularity.
A close friend of mine has been given countless opportunities in Hollywood, thanks to some powerful colleagues who put him on the fast track to success a long time ago.
But for nearly 20 years, he has been scorning their company and testing their friendship by courting influencers who treat him like a bagbag.
Not surprisingly, at 47 years old, he is still directionless and in debt.
Losers take their friends for granted – at their own peril. Unless you are a talented artist or athlete, there will be no success without supporters. Every failure I've seen has been related to the inability to make and maintain friends.
Bad habits
Unsuccessful people are usually rude. They didn't arrive on time, didn't thank you for the gift, and didn't apologize for their unfriendly behavior.
I like to use the Success Tardiness Measure to calculate how long my dinner guests will be late. A visitor with a good job, a lot of responsibilities, and a very busy will arrive on time. People who have nothing to do all day will be very, very late or not show up at all.
Guests who do low-level jobs and have nowhere to go? Between 15 minutes and 1 hour late.
I can also ** whether visitors will complain about the food. If he fails, he will take a condescending attitude and will not thank me for inviting you to dinner. If he succeeds, he will be happy with almost anything and thank me generously.
"No one wants to help someone who is not polite".My first friend in Hollywood had a promising career as a producer. As time went on, his progress began to falter. The reason for his slipping off the pole was a surprising lack of manners.
The man never thanked me for inviting me to dinner, giving me a pass to a show, or introducing me to potential employers. I finally did what other people who knew him did a long time ago: simply stop doing anything for him.
"No one wants to help someone who is not polite".Perhaps the rudeness of millionaires and princes can get away with it; For the rest of us, it's sure to be a success killer.
Dress for failure
I know a beautiful young woman who is in dire need of a job. I arranged an interview for her – lunch with the head of a company that prides itself on her family image.
Surprisingly, she showed up in the executive dining room in shorts, a t-shirt, and high-heeled sandals. From the moment she showed up, she screwed up the interview.
People who are unsuccessful are often dressed inappropriately. They don't wear a tie or sneakers when they go to interviews. While everyone else was wearing a suit, they were wearing jeans at the dinner party.
They may think they're making a fashion statement. In fact, they are saying that they do not belong where they are, and they despise those who belong where they are.
You can dress to show that you are an outsider, a rebel, or you can wear clothes that show that you have a sense of belonging and can get the job done.
Bad attitude
Unsuccessful people tend to have a sour, pessimistic attitude. They don't like their work and the world and think everyone around them is dishonest or stupid. They cast a shadow over everything and infected those around them through their desperation.
They also show a lack of confidence in themselves – a deep-seated belief that they can't do much or do well. This is almost always expressed to anyone who is willing to listen. They don't realize that they are promoting themselves as losers.
A friend of mine has enough capacity to get the day's work done. But no matter how she walks to the **, she complains that the office temperature is too cold or too hot. She slandered her boss and told her colleagues that the job was a waste of time.
She lost five jobs in two years and couldn't find good references: a long-term fate for someone who complained for a long time.
No need to argue
Losers love to argue for the sake of arguing. Defiant people may think that friends and colleagues will be impressed by their ingenuity, but they couldn't be more wrong.
Sam Rayburn, the famous speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, said, "If you want to get along, follow along." He's not saying you have to agree with everything that someone else says. But what he means is that you can't endlessly provoke people and yet count on them to help you.
People who can get things done don't like to spend their time arguing meaninglessly. If you're defiant, they'll avoid you, and you'll find yourself surrounded by other argumentative losers – and that's certainly the path to failure.
Put the most important things last
Prioritizing tasks that will help you succeed is a critical step towards success.
Unsuccessful people can't set priorities. The man I went to school with was smart, handsome, and had a successful father. But he was miserable - trapped in the job of an apartment building manager.
But if I suggested that he take the civil service exam, he insisted that he didn't have time, that he was too busy with hobbies. He's been telling me about it since 1966!
Unsuccessful people will never understand that setting priorities is absolutely necessary".
The truth is, there is never enough time to do everything, even the really important ones. But unsuccessful people will never understand that setting priorities is absolutely necessary.
They also never seem to realize that giving up something minor for something more valuable is not a sacrifice. In fact, it's a good deal.
And just like that, the sermon ends! Maybe you've developed these habits. Remember, successful people know they can change – and they do.
This article is an excerpt from Reader's DigestPart of the archival collection, originally published in December 1994.