Hello everyone, I am a mother bunny in my hometown for the New Year
Thinking of relatives during the festive season, especially for daughters who marry far away, going back to their parents' house to see their parents during the Chinese New Year seems to have become an indescribable emotional expectation.
However, when this expectation conflicts with the child's wishes, many parents will feel puzzled or even sad. My cousin happened to me this year.
I haven't been home for three years due to the epidemic, and my cousin began to prepare for returning to her parents' home very early this year. But when the 8-year-old nephew heard that he was going back to his grandmother's house for the New Year, he was particularly reluctant and made it clear that he wanted to stay with his grandparents for the New Year!
Faced with her nephew's choice, the cousin was puzzled and even used "white-eyed wolf" to describe the child.
She didn't understand, "My son was brought up by his grandmother since he was a child, and his grandmother didn't return to his hometown until he was 4 years old, and his grandmother took it for 1 and a half years, why is he unwilling to let him see his grandmother now?" It's really chilling! ”
So the cousin said angrily:If you don't go this time, don't go again! Forced by his mother's threat, although the nephew was reluctant, he also came to his grandfather's house for the New Year.
Later, when we chatted together, we found out that the little nephew was not an exception, and many children were reluctant to go to their grandmother's house when they grew up.
But you know what? This does not mean that the child is a "white-eyed wolf", and from the point of view of child psychology, things are not that simple!
So why are the children reluctant to go to their grandmother's house as they get older?
Later, I chatted with my little nephew and asked him why he didn't want to come to his grandfather's side. The little nephew replied".Every time I came to my grandfather's side, my mother would torture me for a long time when she heard the results of several older brothers and sisters
Indeed, my hometown attaches more importance to children's learning, and every time there is a New Year's party, children's grades must be a must-talk topic for parents.
Parents with good grades will feel that their faces are shining, and children who are average in their studies will inevitably encounter greetings from various relatives.
I remember when I was a child, my mother rabbit was often dissuaded by this "warm greeting".
Once during the Chinese New Year, the rabbit's mother failed the exam, and that year, the uncle, aunt, second uncle, and second mother asked several times, and discussed asking my cousin to make up for me. It's really embarrassing to be at the table and be stared at by a dozen people!
Although he can understand the intentions of his elders when he grows up, this invisible comparison can cause great pressure on his children, so that they are resistant to family gatherings and even reluctant to participate.
My best friend is also married far away, and she didn't come back for the New Year this year, and when she asked her why, she said: "I don't want to go back, you know my parents' old thinking, and they always think that their grandson is their own family, and their grandson is someone else's." Last year, my brother's children gave 500 to the red envelope, and my family gave 100. The delicious food is always secretly kept for my grandson, and to be honest, I am really disappointed. ”
In fact, under the influence of traditional thinking, many elderly people have such thoughts. The old man can't level a bowl of water, and the child can feel it when he grows up.
has been treated differently for a long time, and after a long time, the child will feel that he is an outsider, and he will naturally be reluctant to go to his grandmother and grandfather's house.
Lily, a colleague, told the story of her and her grandmother, and she said that she had been with her grandmother until she was 3 years old when she was a child, and the two had always had a good relationship. But when she was a little older, every time she went back to her grandmother's house, she would cook her a table of good dishes and ask her:Is grandma's house better, or grandma's house?
When she gets the answer of "grandma's house is good", the old lady will happily continue to make food; But if the answer she says is not this, the old lady will say angrily:White-eyed wolf, grandma loves you so much, you don't remember me at all.
Lily said that when she heard such words, she felt a lot of pressure after hearing such words. Slowly, she was not as keen to go back to her grandmother's house as she was when she was a child.
In fact, I have reservations about my cousin forcing my nephew to go home. Now that the child is small, you can also threaten him with parental authority to make the child obedient.
But if the child is older, he will probably ignore the threats of his parents.
To knowAs children get older, they become more independent and eager to have the power to make decisions.
Especially in adolescence, children expect their parents to see them as adults who can take responsibility for themselves, rather than as children who still need to report everything to their parents.
However, if parents frequently ask their children to go to their grandmother's house in a commanding tone, this practice will often not only fail to achieve the desired effect, but will provoke the children's revolt and make them more reluctant to contact with the elderly.
Because in the eyes of children, this intervention of parents is actually restricting their freedom.
To sum up, children grow up and don't like to go to their grandma's house more and more, which is likely to be the result of a combination of factors. We can't simply say that children are "white-eyed wolves".
Today's topic: Have you ever encountered a situation where your children are more reluctant to go to your grandmother's house as they get older? What do you think is the cause?