How many parents wish they were a people's teacher?
Winter and summer vacations can be fully accompanied, work and rest time can be completely synchronized, knowledge reserves can be more convenient for children to answer questions, and the work circle can also provide them with more educational resources ......
But on the other hand, do you want that to be a child? What is it like for parents to be teachers?
There is really this question on Zhihu, and there are netizens' personal experiences to answer:
It's always critical education, it's always being compared;
On the things I want to say, I always say that I am still a child, don't interject;
The first feeling is strict, and he takes care of everything when he farts, and he has a strong desire to control.
may not start beating you, but will use words to ruthlessly yin and yang you, how to pierce the heart.
The desire for comparison is very strong, and it is always a certain child who was admitted to such and such a university, and a certain child was admitted to a certain establishment and went to a certain place to be a teacher.
Thou art honey, thy arsenic.
A PPT circulated on the Internet, which is said to be a small-scale investigation by a professor of Peking University on the suicide crisis of college students:
Among the college students who committed suicide, those whose parents were teachers were at the top of the list, followed by medical care and civil servants.
A more scientific investigation is also a study published by Professor Qi Kai in 2017 entitled "Research on the Relationship between College Students' Suicide-related Behaviors and Different Family Factors"**.
This research topic is a key project of the Humanities and Social Sciences Research Base of the Anhui Provincial Department of Education, and a total of 4585 college students from eight universities in Wuhu area of Anhui Province were selected for sample analysis by stratified cluster sampling, and the results of the following figure were obtained
Among them, there were 322 university students whose fathers were teachers, medical personnel, and civil servants, and 4 committed suicide, or about one in 80 people.
There were 1,150 university students whose fathers were workers, and 4 committed suicide, about 1 in 287 people.
The incidence of the former is as high as three times that of the latter.
A total of 255 mothers in the three categories of teachers, medical personnel and civil servants committed suicide, and a total of 5 committed suicide, or about 1 in 51 people.
Of the 644 university students whose mothers were workers, only one committed suicide, or about one suicide for every 600 people.
The incidence of the former is twelve times higher than that of the latter.
People's teachers are all over the world, why do their children frequently trigger psychological problems? What happened to these children?
The more knowledgeable parents are, the more suicidal their children are?
The author Professor Qi Kai believes:
There was a positive correlation between college students' suicidal behavior and family knowledge and control.
Most of the families of college students with suicidal behaviors have more family education methods, and most of the parents' educational qualifications are at a higher level of bachelor's degree or above.
The meaning of this sentence is,The more knowledgeable a parent is, the more controlling they are, and the more likely their child is to commit suicide.
In this study of college student suicide and parental occupation, high knowledge level and high control are two very important factors, and the teaching profession happens to be in this category.
Due to the particularity of their profession, teachers have long been accustomed to the role of authority, believing that they have the right to interpret and teach book knowledge and even other life knowledge, and it is easy for them to bring home the set of work with them.
They tend to be more assertive in their parenting style**, and it's no surprise that their children are consistently in the top three suicide lists.
In addition, those who are required to serve in positions such as police, military, and finance have a low tolerance rate, and this characteristic will be internalized into their parental personality.
Why are teachers different for their children and students?
First of all, expect something different.
Let's imagine that when we see a child just born, we will be full of hope for the child's future and give a lot of good expectations:
For example, the child will definitely grow up well, will be very promising, will be very smart, and so on.
At this time, the parent's will be activated".Almighty narcissism
It means that I may have experienced many setbacks in my life, but I now have a continuation of my life, his life is new and has infinite possibilities, and I hope that the child can make up for the regrets in my life, avoid suffering from what I have suffered, and realize the wishes that I want to achieve but have been unable to achieve.
"Almighty narcissism" catalyzed the "philosophy of obedience" in East Asian families
I am your parent and you must listen to me or you will be punished.
If a child's academic performance has been good, there have been one or two declines in the parents'Narcissism can be frustrated
My child shouldn't be like this, and my child's grades shouldn't drop."
Parents will feel very humiliated, and it will happen".Narcissistic outbursts
Fear and anger motivate parents to further tighten their control over their children and defend against the pain of narcissistic frustration by layering layers to appease their own anxieties.
At this time, the child will feel that his parents will never be satisfied, and no matter how hard he tries, he will be increased, so he will simply not work hard, and then lie flat.
Secondly, teachers have a different psychological distance between their children and their students.
Teachers and students are not related by blood, and the psychological distance is relatively farther away, so there will naturally be a sense of proportion.
For example, as a teacher, when you are studying in the evening, you go to tutor the students in your class, what kind of state are you?
If you only tutor your own children with homework at night, what is your state?
We often brush up on Douyin that when parents don't tutor homework, fathers and sons are filial piety, and chickens and dogs jump as soon as they tutor homework.
Would this be the case if tutoring students?
In my case, I have seen parents put their children in their own school, or even in their own class, which is a very dangerous thing.
I had a visit, he was a middle school teacher. He told me that he was at his mother's school when he was in junior high school and at his father's school when he was in high school, and he had no secrets since he was a child.
Because in the process of going to school, every teacher is a friend of his parents, and his every move will be noticed by those teachers.
As a result, he is now in his forties, and he can't be separated from his children.
Finally, the teacher's projection of his or her own child is not the same as that of his student.
The teacher goes to class during the day and goes home at night, and there are many students, so there will not be too much emotional connection and personality impact with the students.
But if you only have one child, your projection will unconsciously affect the child.
If the child agrees with your projection, your projection becomes part of the personality.
For example, if you vote for a "rubbing" to the child, and keep urging the child, the child will be very irritable, and the more you urge, the more you don't want to move, and the more you rub.
You say I'm grinding, I'm getting more grindingYou project, I agree
The child's personality is relatively weak, the parents are relatively strong, and the parents throw out this thing, he unconsciously agrees.
Society demands perfection from teachers, and this trait becomes the teacher's own personality trait, which will involuntarily demand perfection from children and magnify children's mistakes.
5 suggestions
First, I advocate that everyone do an action, and when we get off work and walk to the door, we deliberately remind ourselves to "shake".
It is to have a sense of ritualShake off our professional identity
When parents take back the projection, the child does not need to agree, and the problems in the body will naturally disappear.
The key is that parents and children are constantly differentiated, not only in terms of physical distance, but also in terms of emotional personality.
Second, parents are constantly understanding themselves, constantly looking inward, and constantly analyzing to see what is unacceptable in us.
Don't always worry about why your child can't go to school, why they can't put down their phones, why they stay up late, etc.
We'll have to look back and see what went wrong with our own parenting function.
Third, parents should have their own circle and do not need to revolve around their children every day.
Parents do not give up personal growth, seriously and diligently pursue their own life values, and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life, which in itself is the best education for children. Children will look up to their parents, believing that they can do it in this kind of life.
Moreover, parents can live their own lives, continue to learn and grow, and improve their pattern and vision, which can not only enhance self-confidence, be more calm and calm in their children's problems, but also provide better advice and help to their children.
Fourth, less preaching and more encouragement.
We need to learn to understand the child's inner world, help the child express his inner pain and conflict, and channel his emotions.
Don't come up and say that you don't study well, how will you do in the future, this truth is understood by the child, what does he need? He needs you to see his efforts, his struggles, those conflicts and emotions within him that he can't handle.
Fifth, parents need to maintain emotional stability.
The more emotionally stable the parents, the more the child will be able to develop intellectually.
For example, a profession with a low tolerance rate of teachers should be tolerant of themselves and their children. February** Dynamic Incentive Program