saw a hot search "My dad has never been used to relatives", and couldn't help but admire this father's transparency.
It turned out that in the subject's family group, the subject's cousin mentioned that he would be admitted to university next year.
At this time, my cousin's father echoed in the group and said, "If you are admitted to college, let your sister buy a notebook to reward you." ”
The cousin's mother also nodded in agreement.
After the subject saw it, he jokingly said: "My own brother has this treatment, and he passed it on to my parents, hahaha." ”
I never thought that in the face of the subject's remarks, my cousin's mother replied very calmly, "My cousin is as close as my brother." ”
Seeing that his aunt was unrelenting, the subject no longer paid attention to it.
At this moment, the subject's father bluntly said in the group: "Why do you let my girl buy it?" ”
The cousin's father replied unabashedly: "Work to make money with support." ”
Seeing this, the subject's father did not give in at all in the face of the boundary problem: "Do you keep your own money and don't spend it on your children and wives?" ”
At this point, the cousin's parents finally stopped insisting.
After the post, netizens praised the words and deeds of the subject's father.
In the face of excessive demands among relatives, the subject's father's resolute and decisive rhetoric can be said to have quickly cut off all kinds of subsequent troubles.
I remember that Zhou Guoping once said:
All interactions have a final boundary that cannot be crossed, which is not clear, but yet definite, and all troubles and conflicts arise from an unintentional attempt to break through this boundary. ”
It's a pity that in real life, there are always too many people, because of the blurred boundaries in the relationship, which eventually leads to tension in the relationship, and even worsens.
I read a post before, and it's embarrassing to watch.
After getting along with her boyfriend for a while, the two are now ready to get married.
The boyfriend has no car, no house and no job at this stage, but this is not the most annoying for the subject. The subject broke down because he repeatedly offered the subject to buy gold bracelets and bags for his mother.
At first, the subject naively thought that the boyfriend probably meant to wait until the future when there were conditions to buy it together to both parents.
But then the subject found out that the boyfriend just wanted to buy it for his mother.
After careful questioning, the subject found out that all this was just because her boyfriend felt that "my mother is the hardest".
The subject was very puzzled after hearing this, she confessed to telling her boyfriend that her mother was also very hard, and she had never bought this kind of thing for her mother since she was a child.
Although the subject said it was reasonable, the boyfriend always thought that the subject didn't understand him, and just blindly urged the subject to do what he said.
Such an incident can only be said to be very devastating.
You want to be filial to your mother, but you don't act yourself, but you urge your girlfriend to be filial to your mother, which is very incomprehensible.
Is it possible to be your girlfriend, and you have to take on the responsibility of filial piety to your mother for you? And you just need to move your mouth, you don't need to pay or exert any effort?
The philosopher Heraclitus said, "All the order of the world burns in a certain measure and extinguishes in a certain measure." ”
No matter how intimate the relationship is, the balance between each other cannot be easily crossed. Once the line is crossed, inevitable conflict ensues.
Psychology expert Li Xue proposed in her work "When I Meet a Person": "Boundaries can be said to be one of the concepts that Chinese lack the most. ”
Due to a variety of deep-rooted concepts, too many people are always unable to see the boundaries in social interactions.
In this regard, the psychologist Adler proposed a theory called topic separation.
It means that in order to solve the problems of interpersonal relationships, it is necessary to distinguish between what is your problem and what is the problem of others. I'm only responsible for doing my thing well, and you're only responsible for doing your thing well.
Specifically, how can you tell if something is your subject or someone else's?
Here are two principles for reference:
Let's see who bears the consequences of this matter.
Let's see who does it.
It can be seen that the ultimate implementer of a matter is the ultimate decision-maker of this matter.
As in the above example, whether to buy gold bracelets and bags for her boyfriend's mother is a matter for the girl to decide, and her boyfriend's constant urging is undoubtedly crossing the line.
In other words, learning to distinguish between one's own business, concentrate on one's own business, and try not to interfere in other people's business as much as possible, is to maintain boundaries.
Wang Ziheng made similar remarks in the article "The Roots of Family Relationship Pain: Chinese People Generally Lack a Sense of Boundaries":
There are only three things in this world, one's own business, other people's business, and God's business.
Knowing what is our own and what is someone else's, keeping our own boundaries and not violating others' boundaries, and making the boundaries clear, is what we should start doing now. ”
The highest level of emotional intelligence is to have a sense of proportion.
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