Hello Mr. Zhenxi:
One day a year ago, my wife suddenly came to my work unit and instead of looking for me, she went straight to my colleague Kasumi's office. A colleague hurriedly ran to call me: "Go and see what's going on, your daughter-in-law didn't look for you when she came, just asked where Xia's office was......"
I was shocked, it was broken, and my wife went to find Kasumi. I dropped what I was doing and hurried over, and before I could get to Kasumi's office door, I heard a conversation inside, and my wife's voice was visibly angry.
I'm looking for Xia, where is she? Someone said, "She's not here now, I don't know where she's gone." "I saw her come into the unit! Can you tell me about her **? The wife asked. "We don't know ...... eitherDidn't your husband have her a**?
I was afraid that my wife and my colleague would have a conflict, so I quickly pushed the door in. Seeing me, my colleagues were relieved, and someone said: "You hurry up and take your sister-in-law away, your family affairs will be solved at home, don't make trouble in the office, how bad it is."
The wife glanced at her colleague and said disdainfully, "What's wrong with me?" I'm here to *** justify! I suppressed the anger in my heart, grabbed my wife's sleeve and walked out. As soon as I arrived outside the door, my wife shook me off and stubbornly said, "I'm not leaving, I'm going to get the money back!" I lowered my voice and said, "I've explained everything that should be explained, what else do you want me to do?" Do you want me to lose my face and my job before I am willing? Hearing me say this, my wife went away indignantly.
When I got home, my wife and I had another big fight. It all started two years ago, when I lent Xia 60,000 yuan. Kasumi and I are colleagues, she is 35 years old, divorced, and lives alone with her daughter. Xia has high emotional intelligence, can speak, and has a good popularity, and I admire her very much. We are both easy-going and have a good relationship, and when she asks me for help when she has difficulties at work, I try my best to help. When she encounters problems in life, she often tells me, for example, her ex-husband does not give her daughter child support, her daughter's schooling, and the problems of the elderly. I always help her with ideas and comfort her.
Kasumi took her daughter to live in a rented house, but because the house was leaking, she changed places and asked me and my colleagues to help her move.
The more I know about Xia, the more I feel pitiful about her, she carries so many things at work and at home, and life is too difficult.
Later, Kasumi saved some money and wanted to buy a house. She scraped together, and the down payment was still 60,000 yuan. Kasumi asked me to borrow money, and I didn't hesitate to transfer the money to her at that time.
When I got home, I thought about it and thought it was wrong. 60,000 yuan, for a salaried class like me, is not a small amount, so I lent it out like this, and I didn't discuss it with my wife, it's really too hasty, but the money has been lent out, it's useless to think about it, and more importantly, should I tell my wife about it?
Let's say, I'm afraid that she will be angry, and according to her temper, she will definitely be angry. My wife is very sensitive, and I'm afraid that she will suspect me and Kasumi. I do have a crush on Kasumi, but I don't do anything out of the ordinary, and if I tell my wife, I'm afraid she'll be cranky. I decided to keep it a secret.
One day two months later, my wife accidentally found out that I had transferred 60,000 yuan in batches through WeChat and immediately asked me what was going on.
I had to confess. As I expected, my wife blew up in an instant and yelled at me:"I am your wife, and the money is our joint property, so why should you lend it to someone else without my consent? "I quickly explained: "I'm just afraid that you won't agree, so I ......."Before I could finish my sentence, she interrupted me: "I don't agree!" Who did you lend money to? A woman? What is your relationship? I was anxious: "We really don't have anything to do with each other, I just sympathize with her and want to help her, it's not as unbearable as you think......."”
We had a lot of arguments. I know my wife, she is a good hand inside and out, she has a strong personality, and she is more sensitive, if I don't bow my head, this hurdle will definitely not pass.
I confessed my mistake to my wife, and no matter what she said, I didn't explain or refute it, which made her temporarily angry, but a few days later, she brought it up again and continued to denounce me. The storm came again, and I had to apologize to her again.
Again and again, I was like a sinner, tried again and again, convicted again and again, and endlessly.
I repeatedly confessed my mistakes, saying that I was too selfish to take her feelings into account; I was too assertive to lend the money behind her back, but my wife just wouldn't give up. She demanded that I get the money back, saying that this was the only way to prove my innocence.
I'm a big man, since I've helped others, can I still help to the end? If Kasumi wasn't too embarrassed and wouldn't open her mouth to borrow money from me, how could I bear to ask for the money back now?
I said that I would not ask for money, so my wife ran to our unit and made a fuss at the beginning. Kasumi felt guilty when she found out and told me that she would find a way to pay back the money as soon as possible. My wife became more sensitive, and when I told her that I had to work overtime at night, she looked at me with suspicion: "Overtime? It can't be a date under the guise of working overtime, right? ”
The little flame in my heart instantly burned into a raging fire, I was angry, but my momentum could never suppress her momentum, and she raised the words that had accused me an octave again, and I couldn't resist it, so I had to surrender and apologize to her in a low voice.
At home at night, as soon as my phone rings, my wife looks at me, and then at my phone, and her eyes contain countless question marks. Even if she didn't say anything, I knew that she must be listening to me while doing housework.
I can't find my phone from time to time, and she often takes it, and I know she's looking through my WeChat. In the evening, whenever I come home a little later, she has to talk to me**.
Under the constant surveillance of my wife, I lived a depressed and aggrieved life, and when she went to our unit to make trouble, my colleagues also began to gossip about me and Kasumi. Later, Kasumi returned the money to me, but my wife was still suspicious and held on to the matter.
I was very stressed and aggrieved, because this divorce was really not worth it, and my wife was still very good on the whole, but she overreacted to it. How to dispel her doubts and live as easily as before has become my biggest headache.
Really emotional answer:
There is no couple in the world who does not have contradictions, and they are not afraid of contradictions, it depends on how to repair emotional cracks and rebuild trust. There is actually a skill in this.
Let's take these two couples as an example, between their husband and wife, one is constantly apologizing, and the other is constantly looking for trouble, and the focus of the conflict is the 60,000 yuan. The wife thinks that the husband is suspected of having an affair, and the husband thinks that the wife is overreacting.
In fact, there is no major contradiction between the two couples, and there is a possibility that the marriage can be repaired. Let's take a look at what each of them needs to improve.
Wife: The wife should learn to deal with things and not to turn over old accounts. This incident has been troubled for more than a year, and the money has been repaid, so you have to be forgiving and forgiving. Turning over old accounts will lead to the intensification of contradictions, and this fight will never end. Moreover, it is easy to lose control of emotions when quarreling, and inadvertently break the other party's heart.
Disputes are inevitable in life, but the purpose of the dispute should be clear: not to count the other party, nor to fight for victory or defeat, but to solve the problem.
The wife should not say anything too irritating to the other party, everyone has self-esteem.
Husband: The money in the family is not anyone's, and the husband must discuss with his wife when he borrows money, and with his wife's consent, borrowing money from his wife will inevitably bury hidden dangers.
Husbands should not blindly apologize, and husbands and wives should fully communicate and respect, understand and tolerate each other.
Husbands should learn to express their opinions accurately, slow down their speech, lower their tone, and be honest with their wives that she is an important person in your heart; You don't want your relationship to go to the point of no return.
When husband and wife get along, one must pursue comfort, and both parties are comfortable; Second, we must appreciate each other, so that the marriage relationship can be strong.