Hello everyone:
Welcome to the 100% funny collection to make you (high) laugh all day!
At midnight, the sleeping wife was awakened by the movement outside, and the wife got up in a daze and quickly pushed her husband next to her to wake up, and said, "Honey, hurry up and hide, as if my husband has returned." ”
The husband got up in a daze, and when he heard his wife's words, he immediately came back to his senses, lifted the clothes and pants on the side of the bedtable and slipped away.
As soon as I slipped out of the door, it dawned on me, isn't this my home?
Then he angrily returned to the bedroom and said to his wife: "You actually raised a little white face outside!" ”
At the same time, his wife also said angrily: "You actually have a mistress outside behind my back!" ”
After speaking, the two looked at each other and smiled, and went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the divorce procedures the next day!
Today I went on a blind date, made an appointment in the teahouse, and after arriving, I chatted with each other while drinking tea, and I took a sip of tea and asked, "Do you usually have a habit of drinking tea?" ”
The other party said a little shyly: "I don't have much research on tea, do you have any good tea recommendations?" ”
I didn't even think about it at the time, so I said: "I know there is a tea that has the effect of **, and it may be suitable for you!" “
At that time, the woman pulled her face and said to me, "Are you that fat?" “
Before I could explain, the girl picked up the bag and left! Woo, my emotional intelligence, I really wanted to give myself two big mouths at that time!
Hey! You're a fucking talent! 」
Today, I saw my wife's clumsy appearance of killing fish and wanted to tease her, so I said, "What do you have to do with pigs?" ”
Who knew that she turned her head and replied: "Husband and wife relationship!" ”
My husband played a game all night last night, and he slept on the sofa during the day, and he kept snoring. Halfway through sleep, he suddenly called out to me, and said that he was hungry, and continued to snore after speaking.
I thought to myself, I know how to play games one day, and I want to cook for you, I want to be beautiful! So I jokingly put my daughter's feet in my husband's mouth, and my husband actually licked it, and it looked delicious. But the girl was itchy and stuck her feet back, and then I put my feet in my husband's mouth, but I didn't expect to hear my husband say in a loud voice: "Bah, bah! This trotter stinks ......“
Oh! Haha, I'm laughing to death! 」
When the people-pleaser begins to slowly learn to set boundaries, the saddest thing is not the loss of friends, but the realization that some people have never been their friends.
When you and your friends are both sad, but find resonance and happiness in the common frustration.
When others fall asleep, they count sheep or dumplings, but I count the mistakes in my life.
As long as I change partners fast enough, sadness can't catch up with me.
When people look for a partner, it is like calling the police, and it will be there in a few minutes; I was looking for a subject, and I didn't have any clues at all, just like solving a case.
Once I went to the park, I saw a girl who was eating pancakes with her shoelaces opened, I ran up and patted my sister, and was about to open my mouth to remind her that the shoelaces were open, but the girl was startled, and the pancakes that I had just eaten two bites fell to the ground. ”
At that time, I was embarrassed, gratefully apologized to my sister, and bought her pancakes again.
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death! 」
If you like it, pay attention....Pay attention!