Keywords: Three strategies for high emotional intelligence communication
Q:My husband and I have been married for 17 years and have a 5-year-old child.
I am now starting a business with my husband, who is a doctor in dentistry, and he has been running his own clinic since 21.
He led the team because he had no experience, it was not very smooth, and now he is facing a state of loss.
In addition, when he started his business, he lacked some funds, and my family provided financial support. But he is now hitting a bottleneck in the process of starting his business.
He said something like this: "If only your family hadn't given me this money at that time", I don't know how to answer him.
A:The story of the heroine is particularly good, and it is a problem of high emotional intelligence communication.
Let me tell you that all communication takes place on two floors at the same time. What is two-tier communication?
For example, I have two pens here, one is a black pen and the other is a red pen.
Well, the black pen is what a person is saying on the surface.
In fact, many of our people with low emotional intelligence communicate on the surface, but people with high emotional intelligence communicate at a deeper level.
What is deep communication? It's that you have to hear what he's saying and be able to respond to his expectations and needs at a deeper level, rather than communicating at the surface.
For example, this case is particularly good, the surface meaning of the heroine's husband is: If only I hadn't used your family's money to start a business.
But what is the off-string sound of this sentence? What is his deep-seated need? We want to respond to his off-string sounds, and this part is the most important.
The following are some of the wonderful dialogues between Teacher Leng Ai and the heroine:
Cold Love:Let's listen to the analysis of the parties, what are the deep-seated needs of your husband?
Heroine:I don't think I got it, because the first time he mentioned it, I refuted it.
Cold Love:You follow my words, answer my words, don't think about what you want to say, and now you run into your own thoughts.
The question I ask is: What is the deep need for what he said at the time?
Heroine:He wanted me to support him.
Cold Love:Yes, you refuted him at the time, is that a kind of support?
Heroine:No.
Cold Love:Yes, now that you are given another chance, how will you support him?
Heroine:I would say that I never regret giving you this money to start a business, and I don't care if this money is a success or failure when it comes out.
Cold Love:Stop.
The heroine spoke a total of two meanings. These two meanings will be very uncomfortable for boys to hear.
The first meaning: "I have never regretted giving you this money to start a business".
If a person really doesn't regret it, how can he mention that he doesn't regret it? How can the word "regret" come to mind?
In addition, the heroine said, "I don't regret giving you money", like an investor talking, and also like a person in a high position talking.
If the heroine's husband listens, he may think: I don't need you to give me charity, and I don't need you to pity me.
The second meaning: "I don't care if you lose this money". Your business is not over yet, and in the end, it will be a loss or a profit, and the outcome has not yet been decided.
And I want to tell the heroine: this is very bad for the energy of money. If I were money, I would say I'm leaving the family because the mistress of the house doesn't care about me anymore.
We have to cherish money, and the heroine must change her attitude towards money, otherwise the money will definitely go in the future.
From the communication of the heroine, we can "get a glimpse of the whole leopard", knowing that the heroine is usually not good at communication and does not cherish money.
Some people say: Marriage is too difficult, and it is too tiring to analyze so many sentences in two sentences.
Yes, marriage is really hard. Because marriage is profitable, anything that is profitable is difficult.
For example, the heroine's husband is a stomatology doctor, and if he goes to work normally, he will definitely earn hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.
The heroine can get 1 2 of his post-marriage income, that is, even if the heroine lies flat for a year and doesn't do anything, she can also divide w, which is a profitable thing.
Remember what I said: anything that is profitable is difficult, because everyone wants to get something that is profitable.
Moreover, I will give the heroine another reminder: In fact, the heroine's husband has already revealed the need, but the heroine's two sentences just now are all talking about "me".
The most suitable thing for the heroine to do is to respond to the other party.
For example, if the other party now says that I have a knife in my body, I am bleeding, and I need a blood transfusion, you say, "We have a lot of blood in our family, and it is not a pity to spend some of it." ”
The problem is that we need to immediately connect the other party with blood for blood transfusion, which is to respond to the other party's needs.
As another example, let's say you have a searchlight and you have to hit the light on someone else.
All high emotional intelligence communication starts with putting the spotlight on the other person.
But the heroine's response now is to hit the light on herself.
Many only children are less likely to project their attention on others. Because parents naturally turn their attention to him.
But in an intimate relationship, we need both partners to see each other, and we need to learn to project our attention on our partner.
When her husband said, "If only your family hadn't given me this money at that time," what did he mean?
Yes: I feel guilty for not using the money well, I feel ashamed, the money makes me feel uneasy.
What is his real deep need? It is he who needs to be supported, who needs to be seen, who needs someone to cheer him up when he is in trouble.
How do we respond?
There are 3 ways of thinking about response, which I call the "Top 3 Strategies for High Emotional Intelligence Communication".
First, the best policy.
Everyone remembers a sentence: there are thousands of roads, and emotions are the first.
What is Emotion First?
For example: "Husband, after I heard you say this, it was really uncomfortable, because I also know that you are actually under a lot of pressure to take this money, and everyone wants to be able to use this money to succeed."
But now this situation is not just for you, there are many people like this, they will encounter difficulties, they will all have a sense of powerlessness, and I understand it very well. ”
When the other party encounters difficulties, it is like a dark cloud above his head, what you have to do is to go under his dark cloud first and go to the same frequency with him.
Therefore, the best communication is always the opening of the emotional center, that is, we use our own heart to see each other's heart.
Second, the middle policy.
What is the middle policy? It's sanity on the line.
For example: "Husband, our loss has happened now, we won't mention what has passed, our family doesn't talk about two words, we can review the successes and failures in entrepreneurship together."
We are a family, not your family's money, my family's money.
I'm willing to sit down, let's talk about how to improve the business next, we are husband and wife, and I am willing to support you. ”
It's also good, that's where the sanity center opens.
Third, the next policy.
If the heroine's intellectual center is not strong and the emotional center has not been opened, then the heroine can silently give him a bowl of noodles and give him a massage.
If the other person tells you that he is really uncomfortable, just go up and hug him. Then go to the clinic to sweep the floor, clean the glass, and clean up the clinic. Use actions to support your husband.
The heroine can say: "I'm stupid, I can't do anything, I'll take care of your body and clean up the clinic." ”
If the husband still says, "If only I didn't take your money". The heroine said, "What do you want to do, I'll go and make you a bowl of noodles." ”
This is the next policy, the heroine directly uses actions to prove that you support him.
Above, we use a case to analyze the upper, middle and lower three strategies for high emotional intelligence communication. I wish you all to become a master of high emotional intelligence communication.
The case comes from a live question.
The main creative team |Cold love, party reward, Sissi.
The illustrations in this article, any **, newspapers, television stations, companies, organizations and individuals, without authorization, may not be used in part or in full.
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