Do you know?
A child, his greatest concern is that his father and mother tell him: I don't want you.
I believe that many parents have said it to their children, but there is another thing that makes children feel the same worry, and that is that parents ignore him.
1.Every child craves a timely response from their parents.
Once when I went out, I met a mother and son at the station, and the child was very excited and pestered the mother to ask questions.
Mom was busy chatting with someone with headphones on, agreeing at first, until she got impatient for a while, like chasing flies, and asked the child to sit aside and not mess around.
Busy, you play with you by yourself, I'll see next to you!
You're going to play with me! ”
I'm not here with you!
Chinese-style education often falls into a misunderstanding, always thinking that being with children is to accompany and love children.
The truth is that what the child wants is not your company, but that you can respond to him while waiting, not only the conversation, but also the eyes, the body, to perceive the changes in the child's mentality, and respond in time.
This interaction with parents in childhood is especially important for a child's psychological growth.
2.There is a response to everything
Not long ago, there was a hot topic on Sina Weibo called Everything Responds:
Mom, I want to go to Disney.
Walk. "Do you want to go to Chengdu? ”
Go, if you want to go, mom will go with you.
How about Mom take grandma to hot pot tonight?
When Mom came home, the goods went.
This other person's mother made netizens envious.
Parents who are able to respond to their children in a timely manner usually make their children feel happy and belonging.
Some parents say: It is difficult to establish a good parent-child relationship, and the difficulty of my understanding depends on watching the child and understanding the child.
What is seeing? Be able to observe the child, see the child's experience, listen to his thoughts, and respond in a timely manner.
You will find that behind every problem behavior of the child, there is an unmet need, and when you see this request, you can enter the child's heart and help him.
With enough attention and companionship, your child can feel that you are loved.
3.Ignoring your child's feelings
Parents who habitually ignore their children often fail to see their children's experiences, such as:
Waiting to play with children, inattentive, looking at their phones, playing games;
When you are busy, drive the child away so that he doesn't bother you anymore;
The child made a mistake and wanted to give him some experience and lessons, ignoring him for a few days.
Or think that the child's experience is wrong:
Children out there are bullied: why not bully others and bully you?
The child tearfully does not go to the kindergarten for injection: the injection does not hurt at all, what is there to be afraid of!
When a toy breaks, the child is heartbroken: what is there to be sad about, not a broken toy!
What children feel from their parents is a deep blow and rejection.
One or two may be fine, but too many times. The child feels that his parents do not care about him, and then he is negative and pessimistic: Am I not good enough to deserve the attention of his parents.
The damage caused by emotional neglect to children is often long-term, imperceptible, and more or less seriously affects a person's daily life.
There is a famous saying in the psychoanalytic school: where there is no reaction, there is a Jedi.
Children who have been emotionally neglected by their parents for a long time seem to have no problems on the surface when they grow up, but they often feel unconfident inside, and they always wonder if they are doing something. Not even good enough to even feel like you don't deserve to be loved.
The neglect and non-response of parents is like a dark room for children, lonely and broken.
So, don't ignore your child easily, your response is especially important for your child.
How do I communicate with my child?
1.Find out what the other person thinks
Here, what we should do is first understand the other person's point of view and then express ours. In fact, many of us always make a mistake when dealing with conflicts – we spend a lot of time trying to get others to listen to them, but we no longer pay attention to what the other person thinks.
To do the above, you need to be able to step out of your favorite problem and put yourself in the other person's point of view.
2.Explain your point of view
Only when you have fully listened to the opinions of others and can try your best to put yourself in their shoes can you concentrate on expressing your own ideas.
Suppose you express your point of view too early, and the other person doesn't feel that he is being heard, and therefore, he won't listen to you.
3.Find a solution
As long as you both listen to each other's suggestions, you can explore solutions. When you are both working on the same side to solve the problem, there are fewer conflicts.
Naturally, it all has to be listened to gradually.
Culturally educated children, such as raising flowers, can succeed through careful watering, fertilization, and love. However, in fact, not everyone can raise flowers well. If you don't understand, you need to consult others, learn and train the accumulated experience and art of growing flowers.
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It is not easy to cross the river by feeling the stones, it is ambiguous, and it delays the child.
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