This article is excerpted from the Sail Book Parenting Number.
*Internet. Broadcast by Wu Bingjie
Visual Design: Wang Rongjia, Fan Wei.
Column hosted by Du Runnan.
Some children are at home during the holidays, neither want to study nor do housework, and only want to watch TV and play with their mobile phones every day.
As soon as some parents see their children's lazy performance during the holidays, they are angry and look at their children unpleasantly.
How to get along with children and educate children has become a big problem for parents.
In fact, no matter what kind of parents they are, they all have a common problem to face:How to deal with your emotions.
Parental emotions are important for children and can affect their psychological development.
The parents have a gentle personality, and the children's temperament tends to be peaceful, and the inner world is stable.
If parents are irritable and moody, children may also be irritable, emotional, and more likely to fail.
So, controlling emotions is an important lesson that we need to learn.
1.The first word to learn is "slow".
Many parents can see their child's problems at a glance and can't help but point them out quickly, which is not true.
Why not point it out quickly? Because children need space to grow on their own.
Parents' casual and excessive evaluation often makes children lose their inner motivation and care more about our reactions.
Parents who can't "slow down" can't provide a space for their children's emotions.
Children's emotions are not tolerated by their parents' emotions, and they either become cautious or confrontational, and the parent-child relationship is difficult to smooth.
2.The second word to learn is: "weak".
Parents should learn to show "weakness" in front of their children.
It is difficult for the children of strong parents to be confident, and the children's self-confidence will be weakened little by little when we have been in a strong state.
Parents who can show weakness in front of their children are actually lifting up their children by showing weakness, and their children's hearts will gradually become confident and strong.
Therefore, if you want your child to be confident, you must learn to show weakness in front of your child.
Parents who have always been strong with their children are actually suppressing their children's growth and development.
3.The third word to learn is: "soft".
In the process of children's growth, the real educational power of parents lies in "softness".
You will find that the softer the parent, the stronger the ability to lead the child.
The more parents shout at their children all day long, it is often difficult for them to pick up the burden of truly guiding and driving their children.
Although the main task of children during the holidays is to relax and prepare for the next semester, it is also essential to complete the winter vacation homework according to the teacher's plan.
For children, the learning state of the holiday is certainly not as good as usual, because of the study of the holiday, there are many conflicts between parents and children, it is right to pay attention to children's learning, but what should be the mentality of parents?
Family education focuses on nurturing, not teaching.
In particular, we need to interpret the following two words:One is love, and the other is courtesy.
Education needs to be courteous, which is a principle that parents must follow when educating their children.
There is no fixed way to teach, and the methods needed to treat children from different families and the different stages of children's growth are definitely different.
But there is a common principle to pay attention to, that is, to be courteous and courteous, and love is in front of courtesy.
What is the current situation of childcare in many families?
is affectionate and rude, and parents love their children without bounds.
When you care about your child, you can't wait to let your child's clothes come to reach out for food and open your mouth.
This sentiment has lost the value of education.
Another status quo is polite and ruthless, especially when parents reason with their children, there is no emotional foreshadowing.
At any level of education, the first thing is to convey to the educated the educator's own and real inner feelings.
When the feelings are sufficient, when the child is eager for us to talk about something, the parent will point out the reason.
It must be when the emotional communication reaches a certain level that the child will take the initiative to say, "Mom, what should I do?" ”
At this time, a small truth has passed, and it is possible to achieve an effective guidance for children.
1.Family education must leave room for children
A lot of children's growth is done in a tortuous process.
First-class parents rely on release, and parents who don't understand education rely on management.
Some parents said, "Do you let me go?"
Let you put it is not to leave it alone, but to let you stand in your role.
It is necessary to take care of the child's emotions rather than getting too involved in the child's behavior.
2.Parents' educational energy should be enough to ignite their children's enthusiasm for learning
When a person loses enthusiasm for learning, no matter how good his IQ is, he can't play it well.
To activate the energy of family education, we must first activate the natural emotions that circulate in the hearts of parents and children.
What to use to shape the child's soul and shape the child's temperament, the answer is to take the appropriate affection of our parents.
What are many parents really lacking in educating their children?
What is really lacking is not the method, but the state, the state of parental education.
How to ignite children's inner enthusiasm for learning? Ignition requires a certain temperature and a certain state to ignite.
If parents' hearts are cold, numb or anxious, it is difficult for us to ignite children's enthusiasm for learning.
Regardless of the state your child may have, please remember:As a parent, ensuring that you are emotionally peaceful is the best education you can give your child.
This article** Fanshu parenting number this article** Network responsible editor: Wang Jiashi, Zhang Yaxin.