Time flies, I have gone from a 22-year-old youth to a 36-year-old maturity. In the past 14 years, I have not put on my wedding dress as I wished, nor have I lived as I wanted to be. Looking back, there are many reasons, but in the final analysis, it may come down to two points.
The scars of my first love, like a brand, are deeply engraved on my heart. That emotion, like a cold wind, blew away my pure belief in love. Since then, my demands on men have become harsh and untouchable.
When I was young, I was deeply influenced by the emotions of writers such as Qiong Yao, Zhang Ailing, and Yang Jiang, and the image of the ideal partner outlined in my heart became clearer: he must be tall and handsome, and have a successful career. However, as the years passed, I came to understand that perhaps these demands were too nihilistic and derailed from reality.
I used to be in my 20s and I wanted to find a partner who met all the criteria. At that time, I made a list of requirements: both parties had to have stable jobs, preferably businessmen, and I wanted to have a staff; We jointly own a 100-square-meter house without a loan, and a car worth two or three hundred thousand; He must be the first to be married, have no bad habits, have a clean circle, and be able to take the initiative to share household chores and bear family expenses; He also needs to know how to be romantic and surprise me; And I want to be financially independent and not dependent on him. In addition, I do not want to live with both parents after marriage, and we do not want our parents to interfere in the affairs of the husband and wife. He must be an only child, and his parents have a stable job and a pension that does not burden us. We should also share common interests and goals, accommodate each other, and move forward hand in hand.
However, in retrospect, these demands seem somewhat ridiculous and absurd. At that time, I was too emotional and constrained by some unrealistic ideas, which led to a bias in my perception of love and marriage. Nowadays, I have come to understand that true happiness is not designed, but slowly accumulated in the bits and pieces of life.
Now I'm 36 years old, and I've come back to reality from an unreal dream. I began to face every detail of life with a more tolerant and pleasant mindset. I understand that true love and marriage is not the pursuit of perfection, but learning to find beauty in the ordinary, and learning to tolerate and understand in getting along.
Perhaps, there is still a long way to go, but I believe that as long as I let go of my past attachments and prejudices, and face life with a more open and true attitude, I will definitely find my own happiness.