It s not terrible for a child to lie, but it s terrible for parents to look down on their child

Wen Lan's mother talks about parenting

My relatives in my hometown shared something new with me.

Jingjing, a 10-year-old girl, refused to go home with her grandfather after a wedding banquet in order to go to her cousin's house to play after winter vacation.

At that time, I still said in front of many relatives: "My grandparents bullied me, I want to go to my grandmother's house to play, and let my grandmother protect me".

As soon as this sentence came out, people who didn't know thought how much the child had been wronged.

After learning the truth, I found out that it was Jingjing who secretly put itFail's math score was changed from 18 to 98, and he also successfully defrauded a hundred yuan from his grandmother.

After the incident was known to the mother who was on a business trip, she sternly scolded the child to go home and give an explanation to his grandmother.

And Jingjing, who has made a mistake in consciousness, is afraid that she will be criticized when she goes home, justThere is no way to keep your mouth shutGround made up"Grandparents bullied her".Lies.

In the end, when the lie could not be fulfilled, Jingjing was also cleaned up fiercely.

In fact, this is not the first time Jingjing has lied, and there are several examples that I know of

For example, if she wanted to change schools, she lied and said that so-and-so classmate bullied her, and when the parents found the teacher to understand the situation, they found out that the two children happened to break up during that time, so that classmate became the backstabber

Or, secretly go to the same school to play until late home, and lie and say, "I can't go to the public toilet because my stomach hurts outside", but one night when I came home, my mother searched all the public toilets in the county, and she was so anxious that she almost called the police...

It is a necessary stage of growth for children to like to lie, but whether children admit their mistakes or continue to make up lies after lying depends entirely on the attitude of parents.

"Look down" on children

Someone on the Internet asked: "What kind of environment do you think is the saddest for children living in?"

The top message in the comment area is: "Children who are despised by their parents will never be able to raise their heads".

I wondered how there could be parents who looked down on their children.

But later, after hearing about a friend's experience, I learned that my parents have a kind of suffocating love called: love is deep, responsibility is deep.

A friend who grew up in the countryside has an eldest sister and two younger brothers at home

Because the eldest sister was less than ten years old when she got married, most of the burden of the family fell on her, the second sister

Every day, there is endless chopping wood, endless water, and endless laundry

I thought that if I was diligent and sensible, I would be liked, but no matter what I did, I was always looked down upon by my father

She wanted to go to school, but her father scolded her, "Girl's family, what's the use of reading so many books, the money should be left for my younger brother to study".

When you are tired from work and want to take a break, you will also be scolded: "Isn't it just that you want to be lazy?" It's really contemptible."

Later, even if he got married and started a family, he was still not welcomed

took his aunt back to his parents' house and was disgusted, and even sold the new clothes he bought and sent the money back in person

When I go home with my second son who is admitted to college and the eldest son who buys a car, I will still be compared and say: "It's not as good as a child from a certain family".

Again and again, one disappointment after another, she had accumulated enough, and her friend decided never to go back to the home that made her sad in the future.

Children who are despised by their parents do not feel love, and they do not know how to establish a good family relationship with their parents.

It's the same after a child lies.

There is oneAcute subMom, that's what everyone often saysThe heart is straightforward and fast-talking

Her greatest wish is to train her daughter to become a talent, and she does not allow her children to have itA little bitMistake.

But the child's growth was not as smooth as imagined, and when she found out that the child didn't want to go to school for the first time and lied that her stomach hurt, sheHate iron does not make steelbeat up his daughter.

At that time, in order to make the child remember for a long time and not lie in the future, the mother also deliberately sarcastically ridiculed in public: "Seeing the old at the age of three, lying is a useless person, and no matter how hard you work in the future, you will be looked down upon".

When my daughter heard this, her heart instantly cooled.

Mom still thinks that liking to lie is something in her bones and can't be changed.

But in the eyes of the child, these are just evidence of being "looked down upon", and they start to rot indifferently.

If you say that she pretends to be sick and doesn't want to go to school, then she screams in pain and can't even walk

If you say that she is full of lies and is not worth believing, then there is not a word of truth in her mouth

From this, it can be seen that after children lie, they most desire to be trusted by their parents.

If you think that your child can't be good anymore if he lies, then your child still has the motivation to work hard

Therefore, the attitude of parents determines the determination of children to correct their mistakes

Let children understand that lying is a wrong way to avoid it, so they can willingly change

Reluctance to trust children

If the child lied, does he really not deserve to be forgiven again?

The most terrible thing is not that parents are deceived by their children, but that parents are vaguely brushed aside after being deceived.

The girl Jingjing we talked about in Kaiwen is like this.

Every time a lie is discovered, in addition to crying or crying.

And as soon as my mother heard the cry, she couldn't bear to say cruel words and cruel hands.

Just verbally ask, "Do you know it's wrong?"

Jingjing replied: "I know it's wrong".

Mom asked again, "Will I do it again in the future?"

Jingjing replied, "No."

But after a while, Jingjing still lied as usual, and after being discovered, she mainly cried.

When the lies become more frequent and outrageous each time, the mother no longer wants to trust the child.

She also said coldly in the face of her daughter's lie: "I won't believe you anymore".

After Jingjing heard this, she became the one who was most wronged, and she even complained to people in more than one place:

"Mom doesn't love me".

Mom hates me".

She just doesn't believe me, and she doesn't have a good face for me."

I remember someone said, "The naivety of adults is to expect children to be self-disciplined, and how can children do things that we adults can't do."

In fact, we expect our children to correct their mistakes themselves.

If you just tell your child, "You can't lie anymore," that's just a moment's notice

The next time they encounter something they don't want to face, they will still subconsciously lie.

This is because parents never have a deep understanding of why their children are lying, nor do they tell them how to avoid lying.

If the fundamental problem is not solved, the child will not be able to overcome the temptation to lie, and naturally he will not be able to truly correct his mistakes.

I saw such a passage in the book "Why Do Children Lie", and I was very touched:

"Every time a child successfully lies, he needs to have the ability to read his mind and self-control, and lying is also an instinctive manifestation in many cases."

One weekend, I was planning to take my daughter to climb the mountains and exercise.

As soon as I went out, I met a few friends who usually played well, and my daughter stopped to talk to them.

At first, a few children just discussed"Whoever can jump rope and who jumps more".

But as we chatted, we all started to verify the truth through the competition.

As soon as the first round ended, a girl shouted, "Give me one more chance, I'm sure I'll be able to surpass you."

As a result, everyone scrambled to start bickering

One said, "I can jump 100 times."

Another said, "I can jump 200 times".

As for the daughter, listening to the number of lies one by one, she also said angrily: "I can jump".

Everyone laughed and made fun of them: "bragging", "lying", ".

At that time, my daughter's little face was flushed, and she couldn't wait to fight with those friends.

I looked at my daughter and made a "shhhhh

Then, he told everyone categorically: "This is not bragging, this is my daughter's goal to defeat you, let's see, as long as we practice every day, we will succeed sooner or later."

Since then, my daughter has been practicing skipping rope seriously every day when she comes home, and finally after a month, she successfully jumped 500 times in one go.

Watching my daughter jump up and down happily, I gave her a big thumbs up.

At the same time, I also realized that the most convincing education that parents can have for their children is trust, and you believe that what your children will become, they will become.

Give up on your child

Be a qualified parent and never give up on your children at any time.

There is a mother of two children, and when she couldn't be busy with her children, she handed over her eldest daughter to her grandmother to pick her up for a while.

As a result, because the elderly can only take children lightly and not severely, girls quickly develop bad habits of life.

For example, when a girl used to come home from school and just say what she wanted, her grandmother didn't hesitate to buy it

As the demands get higher and higher, and the grandmother has something that is not satisfied, the girl will lie to achieve her goal

She complained to her grandmother: "My mother is partial, my sister will buy whatever she wants, and she won't buy anything I want."

On the other hand, he told his mother: "Grandma slammed the door, I wanted to buy a notebook, but she didn't buy it for me, and said that I knew how to spend her money".

In fact, the mother is not partial, she just wants to rectify the vanity of buying whatever she wants in the girl.

Grandma is not complaining about spending too much money, but hopes that her granddaughter will understand her difficulties and not always make unreasonable demands.

However, these were all discovered later.

At first, the mother and grandmother who didn't understand the reason, and their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also had a bad estrangement.

The mother thought that the grandmother wanted to reach out and ask for money, but when the grandmother heard the mother teach the child, she felt that it was aimed at herself.

In a fit of anger, the mother gave up on the child and went to work in a city thousands of miles away.

Later, the daughter continued to lie to her grandmother at home in order to brush up her presence

From directly asking for money to spend, to lying and defrauding money later

Grandma was annoyed and shouted: "I can't control the child", and called ** to the mother in the field to hurry home

When the girl was pushed by her grandmother to her mother, and her mother pushed it to her grandmother, she broke down and cried

also said with a face full of grievances: "You all hate me and don't want to care about me anymore, then I'll just leave."

Grandma and mother can't understand at all, it's obvious that the child lied and made a mistake, why he was wronged in the end.

In fact, children lie again and again, and until they have a clear view of right and wrong, and morality, their world is dominated by comfort and happiness.

Especially young children, most of them can't distinguish between reality and lying, and they will often think of lying as imagination, imagining what they want to happen the most.

As a result, lying is instinctively imagined as reality by the child.

If you want to change your child's habit of lying, it is important to establish a sense of right and wrong and morality, and it is even more important for your child to distinguish between reality and lying.

If your child is in the stage of lying, it is important to be patient and accompany your child out of this "special" stage

In the face of the lie of children's imagination, don't be more serious or debunk, just like a treasure hunt, accompany your child to experience what reality is and what imagination is

In the face of children's lying to evade responsibility, the first thing to do is to trust, tell the child: "You can do it", and then accompany them to achieve it and enhance their self-confidence to face it bravely

In the face of children seeking attention to lie, we must give enough companionship and understanding, so that children can feel enough love from their parents, so that they will not lie because they seek attention

If you face your child's imitative lying, the most powerful impact is to lead by example, parents are honest and trustworthy, and children can listen to you and learn from you

So, what are the different suggestions and opinions about children always liing? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!

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