2 single mothers live together to untie a widowed marriage and be closer than a lover
Li Huan and Wang Jie, who were born in 1990, are best friends who have known each other for more than 18 years.
Li Huan has been divorced for 6 years and raised his 7-year-old son alone. Wang Jie and her husband have been separated for 1 year, are going through the divorce procedure, and have a 5-year-old daughter. Li Huan is rational and calm, and believes in "solving problems when encountered". Wang Jie is outgoing and soft, and can easily mingle with children. Two girls with very different personalities have met since they were 15 years old, and they will always have endless topics to talk about. The friendships formed at a young age have never deteriorated until each other's graduation, work, marriage, and divorce.
In August last year, in order to give their children a better family atmosphere and let themselves be accompanied by multiple people, they decided to live together and form a new "family of four" to take care of each other's lives.
From left to right: Li Huan, Li Huan's son, Wang Jie's daughter, Wang Jie When they posted their trivial family routines on social platforms, many people got a glimpse of the model of the ideal family:
Two mothers with two children set up a home free of quarrels and contradictions. Whether it is laundry, cooking, cleaning, or picking up and dropping off children, mothers will share with each other. "It provides a new idea for single mothers who go to work and have a baby" "There are many forms of family, as long as the atmosphere is harmonious and care for each other, why bother with marriage." ”
Under the daily ** released by Li Huan and Wang Jie, netizens commented that "there are many forms of family", and the new family formed by Li Huan and Wang Jie also caused a lot of controversy. There have been questions about whether the model of single-parent partnerships, which is based on friendship, is solid enough, and there are those who insist that fathers need to be involved in the development of children.
"Ten o'clock people" contacted Li Huan and Wang Jie and chatted about their cohabitation life in the past six months. This is not only their personal story, but also a new family model worthy of the highest level in today's rising divorce rate and diversified marriage and love choices.
Two single mothers live together
In the first half of 2023, Wang Jie's mood fell into a trough.
Married for 5 years, she lived with her husband and her in-laws' family, her husband is the "hands-off shopkeeper" of the family, after a long period of belittlement and denial, Wang Jie's enthusiasm for serious marriage gradually disappeared. She made up her mind to divorce her husband and took her daughter from Hefei, Anhui Province to her hometown Tianchang City.
Wang Jie has not suffered major troughs and setbacks in the past, she was born in a well-off family, her parents are loving, and the family atmosphere is warm and lively, so that she has developed a cheerful and soft character. After returning to her parents' home with the child, her parents felt sorry for their daughter and helped her take care of the child, but her self-doubt reached its peak and she considered herself a "loser":The marriage is not going well, there is no decent job, and the parents are still worrying about themselves as they get older.
She also couldn't fit in with the life of her hometown. In the past, Wang Jie studied and worked in the provincial city of Hefei for many years, and her classmates, friends and even all social networks were there.
At this time, Li Huan, the best friend of a divorced single mother, invited Wang Jie to live in her own house, she has a house in Hefei, and if Wang Jie lives in her house, she can save the cost of renting a house.
Li Huan calculated an account for her, renting a house in Hefei will cost at least 2,000 yuan per month, and the rent will be paid by one and three. Children also have to pay more than 2,000 yuan to go to kindergarten, as well as food, drink, water, electricity, gas and other expenses, which add up to five or six thousand per month.
At that time, Wang Jie did not find a new job, nor did she have enough savings, if she wanted to get back, living in Li Huan's house was the most cost-effective choice. Wang Jie was a little moved, but she was also worried that she would cause trouble to her best friend, "It's not easy for her to bring a baby alone, if I bring a small one over, won't it drag her down even more?" ”
The two have known each other for many years, and Li Huan understands Wang Jie's concerns and struggles at the moment, so he invited her again: "You come over first, get your life back on track, you should work, you should take the baby and the baby." She bluntly reminded Wang Jie, "If you want to come back, there is only one way to go." ”
A photo of Li Huan and Wang Jie, ** provided by the interviewee Li Huan first took Wang Jie's daughter over, the little girl and Li Huan's son Kang Kang grew up together since childhood, and stayed at Li Huan's house like a fish in water.
Seeing that her daughter had adapted to life in Li Huan's house, a week later, Wang Jie officially moved in. It was a three-bedroom apartment with good lighting, which Li Huan took out a loan to buy a few years ago. The living room has a wide view, the children often play on the sofa, among the three bedrooms, one Li Huan lives with her son, one Wang Jie lives with her daughter, and the other is the study and toy room of the two children, which is full of children's things.
At the beginning, Li Huan just wanted to help her best friend get out of the haze of marriage. The life after the partnership is more in tune than imagined. They almost never go through the awkward run-in period common with a new family, and they have successfully adapted to their new life.
Two children playing in the living room, **courtesy of the interviewee.
Wang Jie has found a job, and Li Huan is currently freelancing. On weekdays, the two perform their own duties, Wang Jie is responsible for getting up early to send the two children to school, and Li Huan, who has plenty of time, is responsible for picking up the children from school. Li Huan cooked, Wang Jie washed the dishes, and after putting the children to sleep separately at night, they cleaned up together and cleaned up the house bright and clean.
Every weekend, they will take their children to go for a walk outside, and during a long holiday such as the National Day, they will also implement a rotation system with children: Wang Jie takes care of the children four days before the holiday, and Li Huan takes care of them four days after the holiday.
Paying wages every month, Wang Jie will transfer 2,000 yuan to Li Huan as soon as possible. Other additional expenses, the higher expenses are shared equally between the two people, and if it is a small amount of money such as buying milk tea snacks for the children, they will not be counted by each other.
Li Huan said that her and Wang Jie's lives are not much different from those of traditional families, but not all families can implement the division of labor for a long time, "Although we all have our own jobs, we have not escaped housework and childcare." When I feel tired, I lie down and rest for five minutes. Five minutes later, if she's doing chores, I can at least go and help. ”
"If every family can be like us, the housework and childcare are divided separately, even if it is only 50% of us, will the number of divorced people be reduced by half? ”Li Huan joked.
Adults and children have companionship
Talking about the life of a single parent after partnering, Li Huan and Wang Jie summed up the changes in the past six months in one sentence, "The child has a playmate, and we ourselves have a companion."
After living together, whenever they mentioned this small family, they would blurt out "our family of four".
When did the intimacy from the heart begin to form, Li Huan and Wang Jie couldn't answer a specific moment, but since Wang Jie moved into this house, the two adults and two children naturally had a feeling of "the family is reunited" in their hearts.
Group photo of a family of four, **provided by the interviewee Many years ago, Li Huan and Wang Jie lived together for a short period of one or two months, and this time they lived together, the biggest difference came from the heart, and the loneliness was gradually dissolved. "The loneliness of women is very tormenting", the writer Ferrante once described the ideal female friendship in his book "The Neapolitan Tetralogy"."We're going to draw strength from each other, we're going to fight side by side ......I think it's a waste to separate two people, with no reference to each other, no support. ”
As women, Li Huan and Wang Jie naturally have a strong desire to share. The interesting things that happened to the two children during the day, the troubles they encountered at work, the new gossip in the office, and the recent hit TV series can all be used to open up new topics. They often use the washing time to chat, "nothing special, but we don't know why, when we see each other, we grin all day."
During work and childcare, if anyone encounters a problem, the other party will not get to the bottom of it, but take out two cans of carbonated drinks from the refrigerator and pat the other person on the shoulder, "What are you doing today?" Would you like to have a drink? In the gag conversation, the anxiety of the other party was relieved.
Daily photo of Wang Jie and Li Huan, **courtesy of the interviewee.
In addition to the two adults, the children were quick to accept the addition of new members to the family.
Li Huan's son called Wang Jie "Mother of Bean Sprouts", and Wang Jie's daughter called Li Huan "Mother Li Huan". Once, on Wang Jie's birthday, Kang Kang drew a picture about the family, he pointed to the four villains on the drawing paper and said, "This is the mother of bean sprouts, this is my mother, this is me, this is my sister".
At the beginning, the two children had a conflict over "who owns the toy", and the boundary between "your" and "mine" was clearly divided. Li Huan stopped them seriously, "Either you share together, regardless of you and me, if you don't want to share, I also respect your wishes, and you don't play with each other's toys in the future." ”
At home, Li Huan is a character who makes children a little frightened, and Wang Jie is easier to unite with children, but their ideas are basically the same, and they only hope for childrenDon't waste food, don't swear, be polite to others, grow up healthy and happy, and be an upright person in the future.
Group photo of two children, **courtesy of the interviewee.
If one of the two children behaves well, they will be praised together to avoid the other child's psychological imbalance. If anyone makes a mistake, they will also be criticized together, so that they can gradually break down the boundaries and trust each other.
After half a year of getting along, the children's personalities have changed for the better. Brother Kang Kang will subconsciously help and take care of his sister, he has always been calm, and his face finally has the childishness that should be at this age; My sister was originally highly sensitive and demanding, but during this time, she became more and more obedient to the rules, and her emotions were stable when she encountered problems, and she was not so easy to cry.
A family of four has lived together for half a year, although they are not wealthy, Li Huan needs to repay the mortgage, Wang Jie is accumulating savings, they rarely go to the restaurant, take the children out on weekends, and only go to free places to play.
As long as they stay together, no matter where they go, the kids have a lot of fun.
Marriage that can't find an exit
When Li Huan posted the daily life of the small family on the Internet, most netizens expressed encouragement and envy, and many people questioned it: some people speculated that they were eye-catching, with a team and scripts behind them, and some people accused them of deliberately being unconventional, advocating an incorrect value of "anti-married life" in today's rising divorce rate.
Li Huan and Wang Jie were a little helpless, they said that they were by no means encouraging everyone to divorce.
The premise of a single parent is that before this, there have been irreconcilable contradictions in their marriage.
"If I'm doing well, will I still share my divorce feelings here? If my child's father was reliable, would I still be a single mother? ”Li Huan asked rhetorically.
Li Huan and her ex-husband used to be a model couple in the eyes of friends, she compared the story of the two with the characters Gu Jia and Xu Huanshan in "Thirty Only", "We are the ordinary version of this couple", they used to have a good relationship, always going in and out together, and constantly striving for better material conditions.
Thirty only", Gu Jia and Xu Huanshan.
But after the birth of the child, the couple's relationship took a turn for the worse, becoming more and more rusty, and they no longer went out in social situations at the same time.
As a best friend, Wang Jie keenly sensed a hint of something wrong and guessed that there might be problems in their marriage, but at that time, not long after Li Huan gave birth, it was common for novice parents to have conflicts because of parenting, so they didn't think about it.
Until one day, Wang Jie wanted to consult her "brother-in-law" about something, but she didn't get through, and when she received a call back from the other party, there was a strange woman's voice on the other end. Only then did Wang Jie know that Li Huan's husband cheated on his wife during her pregnancy, and the two had gone through divorce procedures half a year ago, and Li Huan hid the news from everyone.
The next day, Li Huan found Wang Jie and another best friend, and before she could speak, the two friends couldn't stop crying, the three girls hugged each other and cried for a while, and Li Huan comforted them in turn"Haven't I been fine for the past six months? It proves that I can live well alone. ”
Originally, Li Huan discussed with her ex-husband that she would raise her son and her ex-husband would pay child support. But not long after, her ex-husband was sentenced for economic crimes, and the burden fell on her alone, "I have no other choice, I have to take the child with me alone." ”
A letter written by her ex-husband to Li Huan while in prison, ** provided by the interviewee.
Li Huan and her ex-husband divorced due to principled issues, while there were no principled issues between Wang Jie and her husband. Her husband did not cheat, there was no domestic violence, "From an outsider's point of view, this is even a good marriage, the husband doesn't make much money, but he doesn't bother, just nesting on the sofa and playing with his mobile phone, and his in-laws also help take care of the children." ”
She still felt suffocated in this marriage. The husband's biggest weakness is that he is emotionally unstable and gets angry easily. What makes Wang Jie even more unbearable is that whenever her husband is angry, she never avoids her children.
Disappointment in marriage builds day by day"I originally had the idea of living a good life, not expecting him to make much money, just living an ordinary life, but I couldn't satisfy it at all. ”
Wang Jie wanted to divorce, and many people around her persuaded her to endure it for the sake of the child.
She knows that unilateral "forbearance" will not solve any problems. But she also struggled, in the past, at her mother-in-law's house, her mother-in-law would help take care of the children, and when she returned to her parents' house, she also had her parents to help. If she is on her own after the divorce, will she be able to raise her daughter independently? Wang Jie put a question mark in her heart.
In the constant hesitation and internal friction, she became more and more painful, and the smile on her face gradually disappeared.
During that time, every time she fought with Li Huan, she almost washed her face with tears.
* On the other hand, Li Huan did not persuade her to endure or divorce, but proposed to go out together for a walk. In February last year, Li Huan asked her to travel to the surrounding city of Wuhu, and before leaving, Wang Jie was worried that she would not be able to take her children out alone, but during that trip, the two adults and two children were smiling all the way.
**, who traveled together in Wuhu, was provided by the interviewee for a second companion trip, and Wang Jie took the initiative to urge her, "When will you go out to play?" Li Huan smiled and said, "Wait for me to plan."
Throughout last year, they took their two children to a lot of places, visiting attractions during the day, and after the children fell asleep at night, Li Huan pulled Wang Jie to chat and discuss the next day's itinerary.
Wang Jie, who has been tossing and turning for a long time, collapsed in bed as soon as she returned to the hotel during her trip, and Li Huan asked her, "Can't you sleep yet?" Wang Jie replied lazily, "I'm too tired to get up now."
The body was tired, but her emotions gradually eased, and she realized, "It turns out that you can have such a fun time with your own baby." ”
It's not that single parents are encouraged to partner up
It's two nice people living together
On social platforms, there are many female bloggers with the label of "single parents with babies", telling their counterattack stories after escaping from marriage. Li Huan has brushed up on a lot of similar **, and the titles are all "How cool is a woman's life after divorce?" ”
*, those single mothers who have exquisite makeup every day, live in a mansion, hand over their children to nannies, often ask their girlfriends to have afternoon tea in five-star hotels, or go to beauty salons for medical beauty, which has indeed become a "cool text template" customized for divorced women.
Li Huan has been taking care of the baby alone for six years, and she knows better than anyone elseIn reality, the life of a single mother is far less beautiful than that rendered by Internet celebrity bloggers.
After most women get divorced, they can neither live in a mansion nor afford a nanny, so they spend every day facing the sky, tossing and turning between the company and home. It is even difficult for single mothers to be themselves, outsiders do not call them by their names, only "xx mother", and when looking for a job, in order to take care of their children, they have to give up a job that requires overtime with considerable pay, and take a step back to choose the opportunity of low pay but close to home.
She wants to make the public pay attention to the plight of single mothers through her and Wang Jie's lifestyle, and also provide a narrative of "ordinary single mother life", "We don't have much money, and life can't be said to be wonderful. ”
Although the current cohabitation life is very happy, the two do not recommend everyone to imitate and try. The premise that they can get along well is that they have been friends with each other for the past 18 years.
If two single mothers who don't know each other well, can they agree on lifestyle and hygiene habits? Should the other child's child be taken care of when he or she makes a mistake? How to deal with conflicts between children? The other party's jokes may become a thorn in the heart. This kind of cohabitation can do more harm than good.
"Just as there is no standard answer to happiness, this pattern works in us, but it can fail in others. Whether it's friendship or love, it all depends on the specific way two people get along. ”
Take your kids out on weekends, **Courtesy of respondents.
If you want to replicate the family model of a single-parent partner, Li Huan and Wang Jie gave a few suggestions:
1.The partners are two single mothers who are "dedicated to the good of their children".
2.All relationships are from 0 to 1, the two mothers become friends first, and the two children must also be able to play together.
3.The ideal collocation is "one has money, the other has time", so as to form a complement and avoid psychological imbalance with each other.
4.Both parties must have basic economic strength and child-rearing ability, and cannot expect a single parent to save themselves.
Li Huan encouraged single mothers to get out of their own small circles, not to be afraid of other people's eyes, and not to close their hearts. Even if you don't live together, you can become friends with mothers of the same age and go shopping and walk the baby together.
As for whether the family model of a single-parent partner can be sustained, Li Huan and Wang Jie don't care so much"The reason why we chose to partner is to help each other walk for a while when both of us are in trouble. Wouldn't it be a good thing if we overcame difficulties in the future and could live well apart from each other? ”
Li Huan said that she does not plan to remarry in the future, even if her best friend Wang Jie has a new partner and leaves this home, she will not be disappointed, but sincerely bless her. If the other party is not doing well, she also welcomes her best friend to come back at any time, "Over the years, the man has changed several times, and we are still us." ”
Li Huan and Wang Jie's moment of relaxation, **from** screenshot interview, Li Huan and Wang Jie mentioned that they are like most ordinary single mothers who live a dull life, "We don't have grand life goals, we don't have great moral character, we just want to live a good life and bring up our children." ”
Wang Jie's daughter is two years away from primary school, and she hopes to sell her small house in her hometown and try to buy a house near Li Huan's house, so that her daughter can stay in Hefei and settle down to go to school.
Li Huan's plan for the future is also very simple, he works hard and takes his children on regular trips. In addition, she hopes to help Wang Jie save more money so that her best friend can have a home of her own in the city.
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