I consider myself a social phobia because I like to stay in my own world and live my own little life. As a result, the book "Please Stop Ineffective Socializing" became my main book to screen my life's social team, after all, for a person who doesn't like to fit in with other people's circles, ineffective socialization really doesn't need to exist.
What is ineffective socializing? In my opinion, the social interactions that make me feel uncomfortable are all ineffective socialization, including socializing with friends, between colleagues, between people in the community, and even between classmates who may have it long after graduation.
In fact, I have never understood the meaning of a class reunion that has not been related to each other for many years after graduation. Just watch those who have achieved something show off? Look at those who have not achieved something ridiculed? Anyway, as far as the social gathering between classmates is concerned, I have attended it twice and never go again. Because the circles are different, the content of the discussion is different, and in the end, the topic between people is gone. The people I once knew gathered together eventually became the existence that consumed my youth.
Please Stop Ineffective Socializing The book taught me one word: strong relationships and weak relationships. When I read the content related to these two words, I thought about it for a long time, what is strong, what is weak, what is the relationship, what is the use, and after reading it, I realized that this is a very common existence - people who communicate only once in more than 3 months are weak relationships, and people who communicate within 3 months belong to strong relationships.
Well, I took a look at my circle of friends, and I felt that except for a few fixed communication figures, many people I basically didn't have any communication, so it belonged to the existence of a weak relationship. Just like I said earlier, the classmates who consumed my youth are already weak now. Is it necessary for weak ties to exist?
According to the book "Please Stop Ineffective Socialization", weak ties are useful, because people with strong ties are not easy to change their fixed thinking, and when they really need help, people with weak ties may have some unexpected help. However, even if it is a weak relationship, in fact, there are prerequisites, and a weak relationship that does not understand the root cause is equivalent to no relationship, and this does not need to exist.
I still think about my circle of classmates, parting ways after graduation, having dinner once or twice, and each time asking each other about work, how life is, and how marital status is. The topic came and went, but it was not the topic I wanted to understand, so the relationship between me and my classmates was cut off by me alone. In my opinion, the real relationship that needs to be formed will always come naturally when it needs to arise. Weak relationships sometimes have advantages, but strong relationships are even more important, after all, strong relationships can not only bring us happiness, but also affect our success to a large extent. Therefore, we need to distinguish what are the strong relationships around us, and what are the characteristics of strong relationships.
Occupying more time is one of the characteristics of a strong relationship, after all, the relationship between people who spend a long time with each other is naturally strengthened, and this includes our family, friends, and close friends. Strong interests are also characteristics of strong relationships, after all, it is interests that determine what kind of lifestyle we live in. Strong values influence is the third characteristic of strong relationships, which includes our teachers, seniors, ......
Not all weak relationships are always weak, and not all strong relationships can be strong to the end. Therefore, in the social network of strong relationships, the book "Please Stop Ineffective Socializing" also gives corresponding suggestions: maintain communication, support each other, be grateful and recognized, show independence moderately, resolve conflicts in a timely manner, and continue to grow.
After a long time, the feelings have faded, and it seems that most people have come over like this, so the easiest way to maintain a strong relationship is to keep communicating. My boss said that she would ask the people on her WeChat every morning to ask for the morning, which was the most basic way to maintain communication.
Later, a colleague in our department followed the steps of the leader and began to greet him every day, and later under the contact of this good morning greeting, he successfully talked about his performance. She said that if it weren't for the daily good morning greetings, others would not have thought of her at all when they were looking for Party B.
It can be seen that the advice in the book "Please Stop Ineffective Socialization" needs to be implemented, otherwise any strong relationship will eventually become a weak relationship, and then become no relationship.
In fact, any relationship is a weak relationship at the beginning, after all, people who say everything as soon as they know each other will only be perceived by others as overly enthusiastic and a little scary. Of course, if you know each other because of a certain hobby, then the enthusiasm for talking about the same topic will be different.
I don't think there is a need to force strong and weak relationships too much, after all, people are advanced animals with emotions, and maybe one day the brain will cramp. Therefore, it is necessary to build a weak relationship appropriately, but to build for the sake of building, forget it. February** Dynamic Incentive Program