I received a letter from a female reader.
She left a message saying: After chatting with male netizens on the Internet for half a month, she was ready to go to the show, but the boy suddenly disappeared."
She doesn't know that the boy is working in ** and lives at home**, only the approximate location;
After the boy "pulled away", she resisted the urge to buy a ticket to find the boy several times.
What puzzled her was:
During the half month of chatting, the boy was also very engaged and attentive;
Why did the boy suddenly leave and delete her now?
In fact, many people have had similar experiences.
chatting with the opposite sex for a period of time, I found that I seemed to "fall in love";
This opposite sex may be your netizen, or it may be someone you have a good impression of in reality, but you don't have a chance to chat.
Chatting with the opposite sex every day will bring you the "illusion of love";
Such a good feeling may not be true.
Why does frequent chatting make you have an "illusion of love"?
First: Habits are very similar to good feelings.
When you treat each other as a part of your life, it becomes your habit to chat with each other every day;
At this time, your favorability towards him will be amplified by your subconscious.
Habit = familiarity.
And people naturally have a good impression of people or things that they are familiar with, trust, and feel safe.
How long does it take to talk to become a habit?
Under normal circumstances, it will not take more than 10 days for you to "talk about addiction" with the other person.
If you continue to talk to the other person, it means that you are not disgusted with them;
Chatting continued, it became a habit, and the goodwill was amplified.
Second: online chatting will beautify the other party.
Studies have shown that virtual online chats often reduce people's defenses and amplify the advantages of the other party;
In your subconscious, they are molded by you as the "perfect person".
This is the halo effect.
But in reality?
You hear the other person's voice is good, but when you meet, you find that they don't match what you imagined;
What you see**, ta is very good-looking, but after meeting, it turns out that it is a "photo fraud".
The more goodwill you enlarge, the greater the gap after meeting.
The "teasing" through the mobile phone screen is always very catchy;
But this kind of emotion, these good feelings, are more of an illusion made up in your brain.
Under what circumstances is the relationship generated by "frequent chatting" reliable?
First, you have experience of offline contact.
For example, you are classmates, colleagues, or you have mutual friends in the real world.
Be sure not to take online dating lightly.
The higher you go, the easier it is to be deceived.
Because you don't know if the other side is a "big man with feet".
Only when you live in a place where you are constantly far away, after establishing a sense of familiarity through online chatting, and meeting offline on a date are conducive to the normal development and warming of the relationship.
Second: Your relationship lasts a long time.
For example, you have been talking for at least a few months;
After a period of estrangement, the enthusiasm to chat again is still undiminished.
The atmosphere of the chat is harmonious, and you are relatively on the same page on many things.
Also, you can have a great experience with the other person.
Being seen, emotional value being satisfied, having a sense of purpose, etc.
Why does the high-frequency chat that "abruptly stops" bring people the feeling of falling out of love?
The essential reasons are:
Chatting with the other person mobilizes your mood swings and allows you to release a lot of dopamine and hormones;
This habit becomes your "addiction".
Once you end the chat and the other person quickly withdraws, you have a "withdrawal reaction";
Suffering from gains and losses, anxiety, missing and suffering ......
These feelings are the reaction of a broken love.
If you don't want to fall into it, then always be vigilant;
High-frequency chats are to pave the way for offline dating;
If you are only immersed in "nihilistic online dating", the ending is destined to be tragic.
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