When two people get to a certain point, they will face an important problem: meeting parents.
This is an important sign of the escalation of love, representing the stability and development of the relationship between the two.
But love is a matter of two people, and marriage is a matter of two families.
Meeting parents is a difficult hurdle.
Many couples have a lot of new conflicts and quarrels after meeting their parents.
So, today I want to talk about the difficulties that will be encountered in the step of meeting parents.
A reader once told me that she and her boyfriend had been in love for five years and met each other's parents.
The boy's family was quite satisfied with the girl, but the girl's parents were slightly dissatisfied with the boy's appearance, but they didn't object.
The two wanted to get married next year and hold a wedding, but the girl's parents disagreed.
The reason for the opposition is that the two people are not in a different place, the girl has not yet graduated, there is no job, and it is not suitable for marriage.
She told her boyfriend her parents' opinions, and the boy asked her to do her parents' ideological work.
Because my boyfriend has three older sisters, my parents are also older.
Finally, she asked me a question: Can I persuade my parents to get a license first and then have a wedding after graduation? But she didn't know if she could convince her parents.
At the same time, she is also worried that her boyfriend will be under more and more pressure, and she will not be able to hold on for a long time.
From her statement to me, I could see the attitude of her boyfriend, the attitude of her boyfriend's parents, and the attitude of her parents, but her own attitude was missing.
I want to ask the girl: "What are you doing yourself?" Why leave your life to someone else's decision? How can someone else take our place? ”。
It's a small thing, but it's worth repeating over and over again, because there are so many people who don't have ego.
The most important thing to do now is to discover your own attitude.
Before giving a very clear attitude, I can only clearly feel the anxiety and worry of the girl through the above description - "fear of losing this relationship".
But if a relationship is lost just because it can't get a certificate at this moment, then the relationship itself is probably not worth nostalgia.
In the past, marriage was always "the order of the parents, the words of the matchmaker", but now most of them are free to marry.
As a result, you will encounter a particularly common question: "Should I insist on a love that is opposed by my parents?" ”。
A reader once told me that before the parents of both sides met, she told her boyfriend that "she should buy a wedding house before marriage and have her own nest before getting married".
But her boyfriend's family wanted to wait until it was stable before buying a house.
Before the meeting, she was afraid that the parents of both parties would be unhappy, so she repeatedly confirmed with her boyfriend, and her boyfriend said that he had persuaded his parents.
Out of trust, the parents met.
According to the custom on her side, the meeting of the parents is similar to an engagement, and some money needs to be given; If you get married in the end, the money will be counted in the bride price; If she doesn't get married in the end, the money will be returned, and her boyfriend knows about it.
As a result, there was no consensus on the matter of the house, and the boyfriend's parents did not give money.
This meeting was not very pleasant for both parents.
In order to maintain this relationship, the girl proposed to buy a house with her boyfriend for 500,000 yuan, hiding from her parents that it was the man's money to buy the house, and wanted to try to show her sincerity, but her boyfriend's family still disagreed.
Presumably, both men and women in the above story are people who work very hard in life.
The plan that the girl came up with was not only to meet the requirements of her family, but also to try to give the man face in communication and tell the family that the man's family took the money.
Although we have talked about "whoever suffers will change", I rarely say so fairly that this girl has done a good job in the matter of the house.
But why did things turn out to be the way they are today?
I think it must be because the other party's parents don't agree with this girl, which means that there must be some asymmetrical information in this.
It's not just a matter of every family's culture, there are certainly other things that don't agree with it.
However, this disagreement with the boy did not make it clear.
The so-called need to settle down in the city and settle down in the city are all appearances.
The deeper thing is that the other person may not be satisfied enough with the relationship.
Otherwise, why did he pay 500,000 yuan with the other party and explain that it was taken by their family, but his parents still didn't agree?
Of course, I don't know if the 500,000 is 50,000 for a girl, 450,000 for him, or half for one person.
If it is one and a half people, and the other party does not agree, it means that the disagreement is very large;
If you only give a small share, and the other party gives a large share, it will be a different matter.
This can only be done on the basis of the existing facts.
But we can see that the other party and the other family are not firm in the relationship, because the boy did not step up and take on the role that he should have assumed.
Instead, let a girl eliminate the differences between the two families alone, and fight for the relationship alone.
Such a state inevitably makes us feel desolate.
Every family has a different culture, and meeting parents is an opportunity to understand and integrate into each other's family culture.
But this is also a process of understanding oneself.
A reader once told me that after she broke up with her boyfriend, she began to suspect that they were not really together.
She and her boyfriend met from a blind date platform and have been together for more than four months. In the third month, her boyfriend took her to meet her parents.
The man's family conditions are far better than hers, which makes her feel a little unworthy and a little inferior in her heart.
After reading the above story, many people should always remember one of the most important rules - "what you see is what you get".
Sometimes, the problems we encounter are actually our own problems.
For example, in the case of low self-esteem, we will think that something is wrong with the relationship, but it is not at all.
When I mind that I was born in the countryside, I will mind if I encounter anything, such as when I go out, I think that people look down on me? Is this person criticizing me?
With your own fixed inferiority complex, everything will look like this idea.
Therefore, it is very important to seek inwardly, and we must spend time and energy to empty ourselves, clean up our entire energy system, and twist our belief system.
Otherwise, you will run into walls everywhere when you go outside.
Many times, I feel confident when I am alone, but I feel inferior when I touch someone, but that is simply flashed by the other person's flash.
It's like the other person is a diamond, and we see the other person's appearance.
A lot of guys will show the good side to the outside, but when they get closer, they will find that these are hollow, and the inside is just a stone.
If you really approach a person, you will find that charm is easy to shape.
But because of the other party's charm, you have some low self-esteem, which is not a really good relationship in essence.
A truly attractive person must be compassionate and considerate of the other person's feelings.
If a person makes us feel inferior, it means that the process of this person's display is oppressive.
So, be aware that this state is caused by the charisma of the other person, and this charisma itself is oppressive.
For another example, if I know you today, I will book a Michelin-starred restaurant with a particularly good international trade center, the best location by the window, and then open a bottle of Lafite, and it costs tens of thousands of dollars to eat this meal.
This series of operations will not make people with low self-esteem particularly confident, but will make the other party feel very uncomfortable.
But if I really want to get to know you, I'll take you to eat a meal that I think is good, or pack a meal to a place that I think is good, and that's what I really want to share.
Of course, the boy in the above story is actually not bad, he just hasn't reached that point yet.
A guy who thinks of you will definitely take care of your feelings instead of just taking care of it.
From falling in love to getting married, there is a certain order: acquaintance, acquaintance, love, proposal, meeting parents, proposing, engagement, and marriage.
In this process, contradictions cannot be avoided.
But what really broke the two people was not the contradiction, but the determination to be together.
Because although there are many difficulties, true love lasts forever.
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