Hello everyone:
Welcome to the 100% funny collection to make you (high) laugh all day!
Once, after ordering takeout, I went to do something else, and my mobile phone was also turned to silent, which caused the takeaway guy to be unable to contact me, and then he sent me a message: "If you don't pick up **, I'll drink your milk tea!" ”
The master said yes. The beauty kissed the driver and sat down.
The aunt in the back saw it clearly, and kissed the driver without saying a word, and then said, "Master, I didn't bring any money." ”
The driver and master were all scared and cried and said, "Nima, my daughter-in-law was joking with me just now." “
Since I was a child, I have a lot of strength, and my personality is also very bold, and I don't play pigweed and specialize in herding cattle, so I was also named a female man in school.
One day, on a whim, I sprinkled on my tablemates, intending to show that I also have a tender side, but the tablemates said: "Why did you suddenly become so girly, like a woman, I am a little uncomfortable." ”
Woooooo I'm meant to be a woman! 」
I made an appointment with a few fox friends to drink at the bar, and when I was halfway through the drink, they all went to the toilet, everyone was almost drunk, and the cigarettes were gone, and then the buddy next to me said, "I'll go out and buy a pack of cigarettes." ”
At that time, I was there alone, and there were a few lonely empty wine bottles on the table, but after waiting for half an hour, the buddies who went to the toilet did not come back, and the people who bought cigarettes did not come back, and I was about to get up and go to the toilet to see if they were drinking and vomiting in the toilet, when a male waiter came over and said to me: "Brother, please buy the bill here?" ”
I replied, "Wait a minute, my friends haven't come back yet, we need some more drinks." ”
The waiter said, "Your friends are gone, and they say you're going to pay the bill." ”
I was confused.
Yes! Isn't that cheating on me! 」
I remember when I was a child, my four-year-old brother came to me and said, "Brother, you see, I have a lot of raisins. “
I looked at the raisins in his hand, this kid got it from **? Just as I was thinking about it, my brother said to me again, "Do you want me to share it with you?" “
I reached out to take it, and he gave me a small point, and I went down with a grunt, and my brother asked, "How does it taste?" “
I said, "You bought it here, why does it taste a little weird." “
The younger brother said, "I found it next to the rat hole, maybe it was stolen by the rat during the Chinese New Year?" ”
I immediately threw up and quickly said, "This looks like rat droppings." “
Well, hahaha, I'm dripping mom, laughing at me! 」
I went for a walk with my wife, passed by a shop, and saw an electronic scale at the door, so she stood up. When I looked at the numbers, I said to my wife in disappointment, "Why did you weigh a pound?" “
My wife said, "I changed my leather boots today, so they are heavy." “
So she took off her boots, but they didn't weigh any less.
The wife shouted at the store: "Boss, your scales are not accurate!" “
The boss walked out, looked at it, laughed a few times and said, "What's the difference between you holding your shoes in your hands and wearing them on your feet?" “
After hearing this, my wife and I were instantly embarrassed!
After a haircut one day, I met a friend downstairs in the girl's house, and my friend said, "Hey, guy, I'm very energetic today!" “
I laughed and said, "No, it's just a cool cut!" ”
As soon as the words fell, a girl on the second floor poked her head out and yelled at me, "Who picked the pants?" Take it out and see if it's the one I lost. ”
A few years ago, I went to Yantai Qixia to play with a friend, and saw a lotus leaf on the edge of the ground, the key is not in the water, but in the dry land, I blurted out: Why is this lotus no water?
My friend also blurted out: Dear, this is taro!
When my daughter-in-law gave birth to my son, I, a first-time father, waited outside the door of the delivery room, and I was both nervous and excited at that moment.
Suddenly, the door of the delivery room opened, ** came out with a small baby, I ran over excitedly, stared at the baby for a while, and muttered: "Oh no, why doesn't the baby look like me?" ”
* smiled: "It's bad if you really look like you, this is someone else's baby, and your daughter-in-law is still giving birth in it!" ”
Me: "It's ......It's embarrassing! ”
On this day, on the way home, I found a bakery following the scent, and the bread was just baked and being packed.
I asked the clerk, "Is this bread sold alone?" ”
The clerk replied, "It's not Danish, it's domestic." ”
If you like it, pay attention....Pay attention!