I found a very interesting phenomenon that there are many people who are emotionally a "giant baby" existence, no matter what kind of relationship they are.
For example, a girl told me that she was disciplined by her parents everywhere since she was a child, and she didn't dare to have her own ideas about anything.
When I grew up, I got a boyfriend, and I would tell my mother everything in the relationship, and even if her boyfriend proposed, all she wanted was for her parents to decide.
Such an example is very common in life, in fact, this kind of person plays the role of a "giant baby" in the relationship.
01 "Giant Baby".
First, let's understand what a "giant baby" is. Newborns are born with no sense of self, they are unaware of their existence and the world around them. At this stage, they are unable to generate emotions about external things because they can only perceive their own needs.
If a person still only focuses on his own needs and is indifferent to the outside world when he is an adult, then this person is like a "giant baby". They are unable to comprehend the meaning of the external world and to perceive the existence of others. The core of the thinking of such people is the influence of maternal love, they are accustomed to receiving love unconditionally, but they do not know how to give love.
The giant baby has been seeking the love of others all his life, but he is not willing to try to love others. They seem to think that gaining the love of others is the most important thing in life. However, the existence of "giant babies" is sad because they will always only wait for the love of others and will not be able to experience true love.
True love is a two-way street, and we need to learn to feel the love of others and respond in the same way. If we don't know how to love and don't understand love, we should try to love, jump out of our own world, break the concept of "love is unconditionally obtained", give love first, and then exchange love for love.
Therefore, we must refuse to be giant babies and learn to love others in order to reap true love.
02 Childish love, mature love.
After understanding the giant baby, let's go back to the maturity and naivety of love. Many people have written on their QQ signatures: "If you don't love me, I don't love me." "This notion is still stuck in a baby's mind. For them, love is conditional, and they love only those who love them.
Childish love is "I love you because I need you", while mature love is "I need you because I love you". When a person is overly dependent on the other person's contribution in a relationship, or easily changes his mind because the other person cannot meet his needs, this is a manifestation of childish love.
In the childish stage of love, people tend to see love as a way to satisfy their own needs. However, mature love is based on identifying with the other person's inner traits and emotions, not just because the other person can fulfill a certain need of the other.
The key to discerning whether one's love is childish or mature is to review the reasons why you liked the other person in the first place. If it's because the other person's unique charm and emotions attract you, it's mature love. And if it's just because the other person can provide material help or meet the needs of life, it's childish love.
To learn mature love, we need to get rid of the giant baby mentality, no longer ask the other person for anything, and no longer decide whether to love because of what the other person has given. We should start from the inner qualities and emotional connections of the other person to truly understand and appreciate the other person. In this way, we can move towards a mature love and achieve true emotional exchange and sharing.
03 Father's love and mother's love.
1. Mother's love and father's love.
Understanding the essential difference between maternal and paternal love is essential to understanding the formation of the "giant baby" and the "Virgin". Maternal love is unconditional, it stems from the grace of fertility and has nothing to do with the child's performance. However, as we grow up, we may begin to doubt this unconditional love, because "I am loved" is often because I make the other person happy, not out of my own worth. This leads us to feel that "I am not loved, but needed", and this shift in perception is a common pain in growing up.
Father's love is very different from mother's love, it is conditional. Fatherhood represents aspects of society's ideology, law, and discipline, and fathers guide their children to understand the world and teach them how to become adults. However, in many families, the role of the father is not fully valued and fulfilled, resulting in a lack of necessary guidance and education for children as they grow up.
2. The difference between father's love and mother's love.
Paternal love is conditional love, which is based on the child's performance and conformity with the father's requirements. This love has both positive and negative sides. The negative side of paternity is that it can lead children to work too hard to gain paternal affection or even lose paternal affection when they fail to live up to expectations. The positive side of fatherhood is that it helps children build self-confidence and independence.
In our culture, paternal love is often overemphasized, which affects the balance of power in the family to some extent. The concept of "filial piety" in traditional culture is essentially a manifestation of paternal love, which requires children to unconditionally obey their parents and social ethics. However, this extreme paternal love can lead to pain and struggles in the child's upbringing.
3. The influence of mother's love and father's love.
A good mother can give her child a sense of security because her love is unconditional and does not change because of her child's performance. This sense of security is indispensable for children growing up. However, some mothers may be overly manipulative, and this behavior actually hinders their child's development.
In contrast, it is the father's responsibility to guide his children through the difficulties ahead and help them build self-confidence and independence. However, if the father's love is too ** or aggressive, it can also have a negative impact on the child's development. A father and a doting mother can destroy a child together, so it's crucial to balance the way parents love and educate.
Overall, understanding the essential differences between motherhood and fatherhood and their impact on a child's development is essential to becoming a healthy adult. We need to cherish and appreciate the love of our parents, while also learning to face life's challenges independently and confidently.
04 The difference between "Giant Baby" and "Our Lady".
A mature person needs to accept and integrate the essence of mother's love and father's love after all. If there is something missing, he should educate himself and seek to make up for it in the journey of life. I once said that life is like a journey, the missing part will always become the goal to pursue, and only by finding balance can we move on to the next journey.
Although mature people rely on fatherly and maternal love, they ultimately need to internalize it in their hearts and build a self-image. If you only focus on one side, you will easily become a deficient person. Emphasizing paternal love may become harsh and ruthless; Focusing on maternal love, perhaps losing judgment and giving blindly. This is the origin of the Virgin's illness, in which the inner body is only a mother figure, and the true judgment of self and others is lost.
Motherly love is selfless, and the mother-like giving often brings tragedy to both sides. Excessive affection becomes a bargaining chip, hindering the growth and independent judgment of both parties. The health and maturity of the human soul stems from the transition and integration from maternal love to father's love. If you deviate from this path, or indulge in mother's love, or prefer father's love, it may cause a spiritual crisis.
Some people are lost in motherly love, seek endless dependence, and lack the discipline and independence that fatherly love brings. They look for motherly refuge in their partners, but struggle to build healthy relationships. On the other hand, if the father's love is excessive, the person may be too obedient to authority and order, and lose the ability to love unconditionally.
The Virgin and the giant baby are both caused by a biased inner image. The road of life, whether you love or not, is because of the depth of the relationship. Mature people must first learn to love others before they can have the ability to love. Taking off the coat of a giant baby and feeling the pluralistic relationships of the world is the beginning of a mature love.