The psychologist Adler once said that all human troubles originate from interpersonal relationships.
Everyone is born into the world, and they become a social person, from birth to death, they are inseparable from the relationship with the people around them, and some people have been cultivating all their lives, how to establish good interpersonal relationships with the people around them, and how to become a person who is not trapped by relationships.
Some of our relationships are congenitally formed, and they are also maintained by natural bonds, such as parent-child relationships, everyone's relationship with their parents, brothers and sisters, because blood is thicker than water, maybe it doesn't take too many skills, it will be willing to pay for the family from the bottom of the heart, whether it is around or not, there is always a kind of concern and care.
But there are more relationships, and if we want to maintain them well, we must understand the human nature and the lowest level of logic.
We don't care about those long-sleeved and good public relations skills, we only have a relationship that can be deep and lasting, what is the core need?
In my opinion, the core of any healthy, good relationship is: mutual respect and recognition.
First of all, two people respect each other is the foundation, which can also be said to be the basic quality and requirement of a good interpersonal relationship.
Respect represents the politeness and sense of boundaries that you and everyone who is different from you should have.
Whether it's in a work relationship, a friend's relationship, or even an intimate relationship, we should be respectful.
When you respect the differences between the other person and you in terms of experience, understanding, and ability, and do not demand or force changes, you can win the love of the vast majority of people.
Because everyone has their own self-esteem and pride, their own strengths and flaws, and their own persistence and stubbornness.
I remember watching an interview with director Ang Lee before, probably saying that respect is more important than love in a relationship Respect each other's personal life, hobbies, and aesthetic tastes, and do not deceive or perfunctory.
The word respect seems to be very common, but to really do it, it is actually a test of a person's pattern and mind.
When you are able to accept the differences between the other person and you, you will not have disputes and unnecessary harm because of it.
It is in a tone of peace and distance that you are able to further engage and develop your relationship.
In addition to respect, the most important thing is to identify with each other.
That is, both of you can understand that each other is imperfect, but more often than not, you can see the sparkle in each other and appreciate it from the bottom of your heart, seeing it as a precious trait.
The same applies to any intimate relationship, lovers, parent-child, friends, co-workers, and anyone else who needs to build a relationship.
When one day, you no longer feel this recognition from the other person, it is a sign that your relationship is coming to an end.
At least the relationship is no longer so healthy that it doesn't nourish you and provide you with energy, but instead consumes your energy from time to time, then both people in the relationship will feel tired and troubled.
Only by giving each other positive feedback, such as praise, recognition, encouragement, support, etc.
When we see each other's feelings, we are actually projecting our true selves onto each other, so sometimes even if we deliberately create an atmosphere of mutual support, it is also a kind of wisdom, which is to first use a positive information to feedback to the other person and inject confidence into the relationship between two people.
But you can see the shining points in the other person, and at the same time, the other person can also see your strengths, whether they are similar or complementary to each other, it is a very beautiful feeling.
When you are seen by the other person, you must be happy when you have found a soulmate.
And this emotion can be contagious, you will form a very happy closed loop, both people feel that in this relationship, the mood becomes better, the motivation of life is more sufficient, and naturally more and more willing to get along with each other.
Being able to see each other and appreciate each other is the connection between living people, otherwise they are just tools in their respective worlds.
We often say that love is a two-way street, it is the heart that is recognized by the other party, he can cherish your precious qualities as much as yourself, this kind of love is the most worthwhile, and will be needed by each other.
Express your recognition and support for the person you like, tap into his various strengths, and appreciate them from the bottom of your heart.
At the same time, you also have to improve yourself, so that the other party is pleasantly surprised to find that you are such an excellent existence, he will definitely feel that it is too late to meet you.
Respect, let us understand each other's differences, and do not hurt each other. Recognition, let us hug each other tightly, in the vast sea of people, to find a kind of sympathy and more powerful strength.
Do both,Maintain and cultivate your own unique charm and value, the people you want to meet, will definitely appear, and the people you meet will definitely not leave.