Have you noticed that there is a type of person in life who lives a very tired and twisted life, and it is easy to get stuck in the past and cannot extricate themselves, and in the process of repeated recollection, a series of negative emotions of entanglement, chagrin, and pain arise.
But at the same time, there is another type of people, no matter how unpleasant things happen, whether they are unemployed, out of love, even if they experience more major setbacks in life, they can always "let go" in a short time, quickly adjust their state, and then continue to set off with full energy.
How did they do it?
The ability to let go.
Psychologically, this ability to quickly "let go" is calledDisconnect from past targets（disengage）。It refers to a person's ability to release commitments from past goals, withdraw all commitments, and begin to connect with new goals on the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral levels.
Connecting with a new goal sounds simple, but it can be difficult to put it into practice. This is because people often internalize old goals that they put themselves into and experience as part of their self-identity. When we try to leave the old goal and start a new one, it's like stripping ourselves of a part of ourselves. This change involves a new appreciation of one's identity and worth, which is a challenge for many people.
For example, if someone is very senior in industry A, but after changing careers, they have to accept the fact that they have become a newbie.
How to "let go"?
1. Practice optimistic attribution
Attribution is the process of inferring the cause of an event or behavior, and it is something that people do every day. Over time, each person's attribution style will gradually stabilize into a part of their personality. For example, pessimism and optimism.
Those who are good at "letting go" have a more optimistic attribution style, are better at attributing good things to the fact that subjective agency plays a role, and autosuggesting that good things are the norm. And the bad things are some uncontrollable accidents in their opinion, and they have nothing to do with their own performance anyway.
If you are a person who is accustomed to pessimistic attribution, you can try to consciously change your attribution style, especially to abandon the "should think", such as:
I should be earning more every year than I did last year;
ta should love me for the rest of my life;
I shouldn't have made any mistakes.
2. Engage in active self-talk
There are also two types of self-talk: positive and negative. As the name suggests, positive self-talk is what makes people emotionally stable and better, and negative self-talk that makes people feel guilty, guilty, and self-doubtful. Often, negative self-talk is less controlled, and it is difficult to get rid of once it appears.
How can I improve my negativity and promote positive self-talk to help me let go of the past more easily?
Method 1 ——When you have a conversation, call yourself by your name in your heart
After the meeting, I said to myself, "xxx, you reported so well today, I'm happy for you no matter what the result is!" ”
This kind of third-person dialogue can greatly increase the sense of psychological distance with oneself, so that oneself can observe and feel one's own actions and emotions from a more objective and calm perspective, and make better decision-making judgments.
Method 2 – Continuously record the details of your self-conversations
Journaling, writing, and meditation are all good choices, but the key is to realistically and delicately restore those feelings that are easy to be ignored by yourself, and these feelings are likely to be the crux of your own difficulty in letting go of the past.
3. Give yourself time and learn to wait
It is often said that time is the best medicine for everything. Giving yourself enough time to wait for the possibility of turning the page is not only about the quality of patience, but also about the wisdom of survival.
Waiting does not mean sitting still, but always maintaining a state of accumulation, accumulation and development, while being able to manage emotions and find the right moment. Not only can you adjust yourself according to changes, but you can also calm down in the midst of complex changes.
There are even times when waiting to do nothing is better than trying in the wrong direction. In such a wait, it is at least possible to re-examine the relationship between oneself and the outside world, and clarify what is autonomous and controllable, and what is unchangeable.
4. Set new goals and divert attention
Using a new goal to divert attention is not to escape, but to make a brief but effective isolation from a series of negative emotions such as anxiety and sadness that are experienced when it is difficult to turn the page.
It is important to emphasize,Hasty search for the next target in order to divert attention and rash action for it are discouraged.
Some people blindly and quickly start a new relationship in order to get out of a failed relationship, especially with the intention of revenge or punishment for their ex. Rather than distracting or relieving emotions, it may exacerbate and prolong the suffering.
In contrast, it is more recommended to try to find a goal that has little relevance to the attributes of the previous event, such as developing an artistic creative hobby, such as cooking, painting, crafting, etc.
Through practice, people are able to learn to effectively disconnect from the past so that they can take positive action to shape the future. This process opens the door to a more fulfilling, free, and enjoyable life, regaining inner peace and freedom. So, take the bold step and let the past be a catalyst for growth, not a shackle to life.
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