I used to think that it would be easier to walk with more friends.
After going through too many things, I found that the more people around me, the harder it was to have friends.
You perfunctory me, I fool you, and a relationship will pass.
I don't know which celebrity said such a sentence"People who want to be friends with everyone are not friends with anyone. ”
Sure enough, inviting too many people into your life is often for a different purpose, not a friendship.
If you mix to the end and don't have any friends, it's probably impersonal, it's a gentleman's friendship that is as light as water, and it's also like a person drinking water, and he knows his own warmth and coldness.
The friendship that goes in one direction will be lost sooner or later.
Talk show actor Tong Monan once said: "Everyone thinks they are a people-pleaser, but no one feels like they are really being flattered." ”When people interact with others, they need to exchange courtesies, whether it is words, or eating, drinking, giving gifts, and helping. This is the ideal state.
Unfortunately, what you think of as an interaction is often a one-way street. When you come to your senses, you won't please anyone anymore. It's better to please yourself.
The first case: you are always pleasing others and others take it for granted.
Han Yu of the Tang Dynasty read the article written by Li Shen and admired it very much.
In the afternoon of hoeing day, sweat drops into the soil. Who knows that Chinese food is hard work? "The easy-to-understand verses have resonated with countless people.
When Han Yu learned that Li Shen was participating in the scientific examination for the second time, he took the initiative to contact the deputy chief examiner Lu Wei and recommended him many times.
Soon, Li Shen was promoted to the Jinshi and became an official in the court.
What is surprising is that Li Shen is not grateful to Han Yu, and in the court, ** Han Yu does not understand the rules of work.
Similar situations, in life, we will also encounter, kindly help others, but they are falsely accused; Or people ask again and again, thinking that you are so rich and have status, you should help out.
Helping, in the eyes of the other party, is your responsibility.
Suddenly a phrase comes to mind: "There must be something hateful about the wretched." ”When you slowly put away your kindness, your human touch fades. After all, pleasing others is also "lifting a stone to shoot yourself in the foot", and there is no need to do it.
The second situation: the kindness of others to you is not what you want.
Some people say: "Wealth recruits friends, and hardship knows confidants." ”When we go into the social arena, we hope to meet friends, and it would be nice if there was someone who could pull themselves.
Someone really dragged you away, only to find that what the other party gave was not what you wanted. Or the other party's motive for pulling you is not pure enough.
Years ago, when I was just out of school, I had a relative who had set up a wood processing factory and asked me to help. As for how much the salary is, the relatives did not say.
I think that if I am related to my relatives, I will not be treated badly.
A month later, the people around me were paid more than 1,000 wages, while I only had a few hundred. But we work, and it's clear that there are just as many of them.
As the saying goes: "If you work part-time, you don't work with relatives, and you don't work on people's fields." "Once you experience it, you understand.When feelings and interests are involved, you will find that whether it is relatives or friends, it is not very easy to get along. It's better to be with strangers and talk about interests directly.
We will also think, "Buying and selling is not benevolent." "But many deals are not successful, benevolence and righteousness are gone, and even turn against each other.
When you don't have friends, learn to hold an umbrella for others, don't ask about the ending.
Any kind of affection that wants to become warm and last for a long time must go both ways.
See an example on the online platform of "Sanlian Life Weekly".
A girl works in a field and rents a cheap house.
At night, she had a toothache, so she ordered a medicine on her mobile phone.
The takeaway brother who delivered the medicine hurried to her area, went around several times, and did not find the stairwell of the house.
She took the initiative to contact the little brother and said, "You are waiting at the small supermarket at the door, and I will come downstairs to find you." ”
When the two met, the takeaway brother said vigorously: "I'm sorry, I've been looking for a long time, and it's overtime." ”
The girl said, "It's okay, this is an urban village, and it's really hard to find." ”
They looked at each other and smiled, and their hearts were warm.
One came from the pharmacy to deliver the medicine, and the other went downstairs to pick it up. Therefore, a small relationship is kept, and it may never be forgotten for the rest of your life.
After walking through half a life in a hurry, you will find that friends are not eternal, but people who treat each other sincerely at a certain period of time.
After mixing, I don't have friends, it's not that I'm not good enough, but I naturally get together.
Therefore, smart people will not be demanding of their friends, let alone demanding that their friends follow them all the way, and get used to it"But do good deeds, regardless of the future."
Su Shi of the Northern Song Dynasty was demoted because of the Wutai poetry case. Many old acquaintances have drawn a line with him, for fear of being implicated.
When Su Shi went to Huangzhou, a friend named Chen Jichang picked up the wind and washed the dust for Su Shi.
They also often drink alcohol and sigh about life. So much so that Chen Jichang's wife was full of hatred, leaving an allusion to the "Hedong Lion's Roar".
In "The Biography of Fang Shanzi", Su Shi recorded the scene of friends meeting"Smile on your back and stay at your home." ”
Su Shi left Huangzhou and was activated again, but Chen Jichang did not ask for benefits and continued to live a reclusive life.
Yes, there is a kind of affection, that is-you are not happy, I accompany you, I help you; You live happily, I don't bother.If you are used to helping others hold an umbrella, and when the weather is fine, you are used to putting away the umbrella and walking separately, it means that you are an affectionate person, but you will not say it.
Turning around is not a ruthless thing, it is just ruthless and the most affectionate. Hide your true feelings in the bottom of your heart and treat others with a calm attitude, then you have no friends along the way, or you lose friends, and life is still beautiful.
People can live without friends and be alone for a long time, but they can't live without kindness.
Those who leave, forgive them not to be sent away, and not to add sorrow to themselves; People who are close, regardless of wind or rain, go to pick them up.
Writer Haruki Murakami once said, "If you don't have any friends, then congratulations, proof that you have matured." ”Indeed, when we experience the gathering and dispersion, but do not resent the people who left, nor do we blame the mercenary people, we will always be as calm as water in the days to come.
One day, you let go of human affection and no longer wronged yourself.
One day, you hide your affection and no longer like it.