Adler said: Once you try to get recognized, your spirit becomes tense.
It seems that every time we are nervous, we really have a desire for recognition and high evaluation from others.
Adler thinks that this has something to do with the fact that we are "given attributes" from an early age. What is attribute conferring? To put it simply, it can be understood as:One person labels anotherFor example, parents think that you are a "smart" child, and you are an "obedient" child.
And behind this attribute endowment is actually a kind ofImperative requirements, so that you will invisibly please your parents for this label, hoping to get your parents' approval. When you are recognized in this way, you will satisfy your vanity.
I remember when I was a child, my mother used to say that I was a "very well-behaved", "very obedient" and "wouldn't go outside to make trouble", and in order to get such praise, I would become more obedient and not like to play outside, so I stayed at home all the time. Because, I myself enjoy the feeling of being praised in front of people.
What can be done to change this?
As parents, we don't have to live to meet our parents' expectations. As parents, we should not impose this expectation on our children, label our children, and hope that our sons will become dragons and daughters will become phoenixes.
Second, we must recognize that evaluation has nothing to do with the value or essence of a person per se. What others say about you, that's justFeedback from one perspective doesn't mean everything you have, so we don't have to pander to others.
Day 122 of copying books and punching cards This article is an excerpt from "The Courage of Not Care".