Let's start with a case.
There is a plot in the TV series "Growing Up with You" that is very impressive.
Once Gu Jiawei came home and saw his wife Lin Yunyun swiping her mobile phone, he ordered:
"How can a mother who lies on the sofa and swipes her phone all day long raise an excellent daughter?Lin Yunyun hurriedly explained:You don't have to worry about other things, your task is to raise your daughter well at home. ”
"I don't usually swipe my mobile phone much, everyone is rumoring that there are preferential places on the day of the kindergarten open day, is it true? ”But Gu Jiawei didn't listen to it at all, and scolded again
"From today onwards, those rumors will not be heard, watched, or spoken.Lin Yunyun was reprimanded by her husband unreasonably, and couldn't help but start a counterattack directly.You remember, on the day of the open house, the New Moon has to be at its best. Those who recommend the best are the first place, and the others are all in vain.
Don't think about things you can't control, do something practical, or you will lose the meaning of me making you a good mother. ”
Doesn't this kind of scene sound familiar?
Gu Jiawei is always dictive to his wife, which is typical:
He used his leadership role in family life, and either ordered or instructed his wife, which made it difficult for the relationship between husband and wife to be harmonious.
Such examples are not uncommon.
For example, some people become teachers, and they have to "be a teacher" no matter how they go;
Some people become small leaders, and no matter who they communicate with, they have to "put on a score".
When you get along with such people, you may be attracted to their temperament at first.
But over time, you will find that they are particularly disgusted.
It is conceivable that it is difficult for such a person to obtain far-reaching relationships outside; At home, it is easy to have constant conflicts.
There's a good saying:
The deadliest thing in relationships is:Misalignment of roles.
A person has different roles in different scenes, and different positions have different identities.
Accustomed to using one role to cope with all the scenes of life, in essence, it is impossible to see oneself clearly.
Once people can't see themselves clearly, it is easy to cross the line, others are unhappy, and life is naturally not smooth.
As the old saying goes: the ass determines the head.
A person's perception of his own role often determines his thought and behavior path.
We all know that the most direct reason for the unpleasant relationship between people is that two people cannot communicate.
And one of the most basic reasons for not being able to communicate effectively is that many people have fixed their roles.
Someone said:
"Once a person has recognized a certain role, it is very difficult to make changes, and everything that is done is governed by that role. ”In other words, it is difficult to listen to such people and will only communicate with you in a way that suits their role.
With this type of communication, any relationship will be severed.
It's like some husbands who default to being a leader in their hearts, and when they communicate with their wives, they are accustomed to communicating as a leader.
No matter what his wife says, as long as he feels that it is unreasonable, he will immediately educate the other party in a critical tone and order the other party to do it.
How can people feel comfortable in a way that only puts themselves in their own shoes and doesn't consider the feelings of the other person?
Think about it on a deeper level and you'll find out.
Many times, a role misalignment in a relationship is essentially a shift in position.
With different positions, it is naturally difficult for people to reach a consensus.
Just like between employees and leaders, many times it can be called "sworn enemies", even if the two sides complain to each other, or confide in each other, it is difficult to understand each other.
That's because of different positions.
But between you and your colleagues, or when you become a leader yourself, these barriers don't exist.
On the contrary, friends are on the same side in relationships.
If one party becomes a kind of giver, the position changes, and it is difficult for each other to agree on consciousness.
Therefore, a good relationship must maintain the same position with the other party, so that we can truly stand on the same angle, understand each other, and empathize.
The relationship between each other will develop without barriers.
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