What kind of girls have fatal attraction?
If you were asked to answer this question, the answer would be:Brave.
And the bear thinks that this is also usCope with the most valuable qualities of our time
This kind of thinking stems from several messages that Xiong has recently read in the background.
Middle-aged unemployed, financially stressed, and feeling at a low point in life. ”
My mother was sick, but I couldn't be with her ......”
I failed the graduate school entrance examination in World War II again, and I felt like I was so bad......”
In this day and age, people have their own life dilemmas.
These dilemmas are different from each other, but they seem to have one thing in common, and that is -
When we are in a difficult situation, it is easy to completely lose the direction of the future, lose trust in ourselves and hope in life.
But, what the bear wants to tell everyone is,Those circumstances that we find difficult will eventually pass;
Things that we thought we couldn't cope with may seem like a big deal now, but we can overcome them and get through them with a smile on our faces.
The premise is, as long as we have moreBrave. A little bit.
Of course, the bear is by no means simply to comfort everyone, or to give everyone chicken soup.
In addition to these encouragements, Xiong also wants to tell you a story.
The life dilemma of the protagonist of the story is more difficult than ours, many, many times more difficult.
However, look at how optimistic she is to deal with it, how much vitality she has burst out in the face of difficulties, and maybe it can bring us some strength to deal with our own lives.
She is the author of the following book, "Unfinished in This Life", Yu Juan.
Yu Juan (1978-2011), a returnee Ph.D., was also a young lecturer at Fudan University, and played the roles of wife, daughter, and mother.
In March 2008, Yu Juan stayed in Fudan to teach, and gave birth to a son by caesarean section in September.
It should have been the happiest time for the family, but in November 2009, Yu Juan's body suffered from frequent pain, and in December, she was diagnosed with breast cancer bone metastasis.
On April 19, 2011, Yu Juan passed away.
In the process of fighting against the disease, Yu Juan insisted on writing a diary of the gap on social platforms, and this book "Unfinished in This Life" is a collection of these diary.
If you use one word to describe Yu Juan, then Xiong will use:Brave.
In fact, there are thousands of people who have been killed by Yu JuanBrave. Moved by her, people encouraged her, cheered her on, and tried to tell her how much strength he had gained from her.
Yu Juan herself once showed off in her diary:
By the time of the third chemotherapy, I was already very famous on the 22nd floor of Ruijin Hospital, and I had a large number of old aunt fans. Many old ladies talk to me when they have nothing to do and like to play with me. ”
Bear thought,This is probably the great charm and attraction exuded by a brave man.
And today, Xiong has selected 5 short stories from the book "Unfinished in This Life" to share with you, which will not be too heavy, and you can read them with confidence.
I hope that after listening to Yu Juan's story, everyone can be braver.
Be brave to try more, be brave to take the first step, and be brave to explore more possibilities for yourself.
The illustration in this article is by German illustrator Martina Paukova).
"Prosthetic innovation
In general, breast cancer patients, if they are lucky, detected early, and have no distant metastases, will generally undergo mastectomy surgery.
Therefore, in the breast cancer chemotherapy ward, it is usually the women who only have one breast left.
Yu Juan said that to some extent, breasts may be the most useless organ in a woman's body;
Therefore, most patients do not choose to spend a lot of money to buy expensive prosthetic milk, but cross the sea and make prosthetic milk by themselves.
For example, Aunt Nanxiang Li made a small bag out of cotton cloth and stuffed it in her bra, but it was too light and easy to be squeezed around to change positions;
Aunt Zhoushanzhuang sewed a bag with mung beans, which was in good shape, but a few months later, the mung beans sprouted;
The retired teacher Gan used tea leaves to make prosthetic milk, but he threw it aside angrily after less than half a day: the tea stalk was too hard, and it was pricked indescribably.
So, what about Yu Juan?
Unfortunately, Yu Juan is the youngest of the patients, but the one with the least luck.
The cancer cells have metastasized and spread so much that they are not eligible for surgery, so they are the only ones who do not need breast prosthesis. ”
It's actually quite frustrating.
Although others only have one breast left, they have a chance to survive; Yu Juan kept both breasts, but she could only let the cancer cells spread.
However, Yu Juan did not get depressed, although she did not have a need for prosthetic milk, she also enthusiastically participated in the "prosthetic milk innovation".
Her bad idea was to fill it with balloons.
Aunt Wu in Huangshan adopted Yu Juan's method, and when she went out to eat, she bought balloons to decorate with water and put them in her clothes.
Later, because the elevator was too urgent, it was crowded.
The simple joy of "just be alive".
Yu Juan said that sometimes she is surprised by herself - "I never thought that I could face cancer like this." ”
When she knew she had cancer, it was already at an advanced stage, and the cancer cells had spread to the bones of her torso.
Later, after dying and critically ill several times, he wandered through the ghost gate several times, and "almost tossed me into a philosopher who studied life and death."
She said"If cancer has a positive effect on people, it's one of them, because it's easy to understand when cancer is in an advanced stage. ”
Although, it may be a little late. ”
What did Yu Juanhuo understand?
She said that on the one hand, she was extremely cheerful and good at making friends before, so she had countless friends, all kinds of teachings, all kinds of things;
But now, she just needs to lie quietly and close her eyes to recuperate, but she can tell which ones are real friends and which ones are not, which is also a "great blessing" for her, because there is a lot less worry.
Second, after a few blows, she finally cultivated to the state of "thunder in her chest and face like a peaceful lake" that she had been longing for, which can be regarded as a step closer to the self she wants to become.
And, most importantly, she seems to have become happier more easily.
Before this, she had been through five levels and six generals, undergraduate, master's, doctorate, going abroad, staying up countless nights and working countless shifts, no time to spend with her family, and the mental pressure was also huge;
But now, although she was "pinched by fate and pressed into the dust" as soon as she showed signs of development, her heart is more calm.
"I don't have too many lives to lose. Because, only when you live with a name can you talk about life. And I'm more focused on struggling, trying to live, and with such a clear and single goal, I naturally don't think too much about the extension of life. ”
This cancer made me have to let go of everything, so that it is simple, and it is really easy to be happy. Why did I work as hard as I did for the previous thirty years? ”
Yu Juan's words made Xiong feel sad, but he was also deeply moved.
As long as we live", may we understand it when we are healthy.
You can fail, but you can't give up
Perhaps half of the patients in the cancer ward have thought about suicide.
53 beds, a Shanghainese, survived 50 years of hard life by selling wontons and stinky tofu, and finally raised his two sons, no longer having to push a cart to escape from the city management, but he got breast cancer;
Aunt Wonton couldn't accept it, she wanted to jump the Huangpu River, just walked to the Yangpu Bridge, and wanted to look back at Yangpu District, where she had lived for more than 50 years, but she didn't expect to see a ** man running towards her when she turned around;
The years of the wonton in a hurry to avoid the chengguan made Aunt Wonton have an instinctive reaction, she turned around and ran away, and ran down the Yangpu Bridge.
There is also a 56-bed Anhui aunt, who learned that she had breast cancer, her eyes were black, and she touched a bottle in the kitchen late one night and drank it;
It turned out that it wasn't a pesticide, it was a motorcycle lubricant.
There is also Aunt Index, who lives in a small room with Yu Juan, who began to accumulate sleeping pills when she first knew that she was sick, but before she saved enough sleeping pills, she found that breast cancer was not equal to death, and she could still go to the mahjong table, so she fed all the more than 100 pills to the toilet.
These stories, which are told in hindsight with some black humor, but when they happen, they all really reflect the pain and despair of these patients.
So, what about Yu Juan? Yu Juan didn't think about dying.
She said that for her to die is very simple, and it is pleasant and comfortable, and she does not have to bear the pain of cancer cells eating her bones day and night;
However, "death is to let my most loved relatives in this world taste the pain of losing their mother at a young age, losing a wife in middle age, and losing a child in old age." ”
What's more, Yu Juan is still a mother of more than a year old.
I don't know if there is a chance to raise children and become talents, but I can use today's actions to tell my children: your mother is not a coward, so in your life, when you encounter precious and key people and things, you must actively strive for themThere can be failures, but there can be no giving up.
"Fearless".
After falling ill, in order to seek inner softness and peace, Yu Juan read a lot of religious books, including Buddhism and Zen.
It mentions that there are three kinds of giving: financial giving, legal giving, and fearless giving.
Cai Shi, Yu Juan has no money, or rather, she herself is more like a recipient;
The law is given, and there is no spare energy for the time being;
And fearlessness, I think, I can always do fearlessness. ”
Fearlessness refers to giving to the common people with a fearless heart, soothing people's hearts when others are in trouble and hardship, so that people can be physically and mentally stable and free from fear.
Yu Juan thought about this: "As a member of the world, if someone gets fearlessness from my suffering, then my pain is not in vain." ”
With this in mind, Yu Juan decided to go and see Mei.
Mei is the lover of a female friend of Yu Juan, and when Yu Juan was studying in Norway, she once boarded at the female friend and Mei's home for more than a month, and got along with them like family;
Later, Mei was diagnosed with thymic cancer, and the sequelae was myasthenia gravis, so Yu Juan wanted to see Mei, "If nothing else, I'm going to give my brother fearless."
After several twists and turns, Yu Juan and Mei finally met.
Their reaction when they met was beyond everyone's expectations, they laughed, one in a wheelchair, the other lying on the bed, and at the same time gave each other a thumbs up: "It's okay, let's stand it!" Then they joked with each other in a room full of ventilators.
But perhaps only Yu Juan and Mei understand in their hearts that there are many unspeakable silent sighs buried in the depths of the two of them's conversation and laughter.
Mei and I used to think that happiness must fly to the clouds to get it, and a sword in the hand is happy to revenge, but we don't know that the soil is the real down-to-earth, calm, and warm happiness. ”
One of us was lying in a hospital bed, the other in a wheelchair, but we were smiling happier and more relaxed than ever. The most real life, with the most real family, friendship and love, and the most real and simple from the heart of the softness. ”
In the end, Yu Juan said that she didn't expect that she would be fearless instead.
Pretending to be optimistic is also a sign of bravery
Cancer patients are most afraid of "illness within a disease".
After all, the patient's immunity is poor, and the cold is easy to cause other complications, especially during radiotherapy and chemotherapy, the entire metabolic function of the person is declining, and once the cold is cold, it is very likely to collapse the already fragile immune defense line.
In fact, the above sentence causes cancer patients as much fear as the illness itself.
For example, once, when Yu Juan woke up, she felt a sharp pain next to the root of her ear.
She immediately fell into a state of rumors and soldiers, is it an ordinary stiff neck? Or inflammation? Or brain metastases?
The problem is that this pain has just begun, and it is only two hours before and after, and everything has to be watched one after another.
Yu Juan was so nervous that she couldn't calm down to do anything, so she could only log in to social ** and change her status to:"Let me fall into my head, let me fall in my head......”
In the next four or five days, all the status signatures of Yu Juan's MSN, Kaixin.com, and BBS were words around the topic of stiff neck:
Expectation is a stiff neck. ”
It's a pleasure to have a stiff neck. ”
It's a pleasure to have a stiff neck. ”
She also joked that Shi Yang sang: When I see cockroaches, I'm not afraid, I'm nervous, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, I'......m not afraid, I'
And I am singing: I am not afraid of stiff neck, I must firmly believe: the transfer is not so easy......
Although a little nonsensical, a little funny, a little bit pretending to be optimistic.
But, as Yu Juan said: "Cowardice will only make you haggard, and paralysis is also a sign of bravery." ”
Write at the endAfter reading Yu Juan's story, I don't know what kind of feelings you have? Is life hard? Perhaps. One hurdle after another, there are too many challenges and difficulties waiting for us to deal with them one by one. In the face of these predicaments, we may all be small and vulnerable, but Xiong thinksAt least we still have one, that is, our bravery. I hope we can all face life more courageously. Or maybe we're all brave enough, but we don't realize it yet.