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Loving mothers will accompany their daughters when they need them, give understanding and support when appropriate, and choose to quit when they are most appropriate.
In this way, the daughter can be given a full sense of security, and the relationship between mother and daughter has always been as close as ever.
Author |Potato Mom
watched CCTV's hit drama "Fireworks People", and was instantly fans of Meng Yunqing and Tao Shuna, the mother and daughter.
Tao Shuna is not only smart and successful in her studies, she was admitted to a female doctorate, but her personality is also sunny and confident, and her speech and demeanor are generous.
Whether it is in the face of career, love, or life, she is brave and determined.
When she chose liberal arts and sciences in high school, her teacher suggested that she study literature, but she still chose the science she longed for.
When she got to college, she majored in mechanical engineering, and she didn't care how much prejudice others had.
When she meets someone she likes, she strives to improve herself, chase bravely, and is never afraid of rejection.
She is independent and sober, and she is really a treasure girl who will sparkle wherever she goes.
And the reason why Tao Shuna was raised so well is inseparable from her mother Meng Yunqing.
Meng Yunqing has never been condescending and self-righteous towards her daughter, the two get along more like best friends, they can talk about feelings, gossip, share all kinds of little secrets, and the circle of friends is always open to each other.
Especially compared with the eldest sister Meng Mingwei, Meng Yunqing can be called a "dream mother".
If you also want to raise your daughter into a warm and caring little padded jacket like Tao Shuna, you must come to learn Meng Yunqing's wisdom.
Unconditional trust gives you a sense of security
There are two scenes like this in the play, which really touched me.
The first scene was when Tao Shuna was in the third year of junior high school, she passed a note with a male classmate, and happened to be caught by the teacher, so she was invited to the parents.
Meng Yunqing hurried to the school with her half-dyed hair.
The teacher came up and scolded, saying that Tao Shuna was in early love, and the note was the evidence.
But Meng Yunqing did not blame her daughter, but first patiently asked her daughter "whether she is really in early love". When her daughter shook her head in denial, she stood firmly on her daughter's side:
"My Nana said that she didn't talk about it, and a note can't explain anything! ”
The teacher took out Tao Shuna and the male classmate to skip class to talk about it, saying that she would bring others bad because she was good-looking.
Meng Yunqing was very angry when she heard this, and replied to the teacher violently
"Whether girls look good or not, whether they like boys or not, has nothing to do with whether they will bring anyone bad, that's the problem of those boys, why are we to blame? ”My daughter, I'm sure she'll put her studies first. ”The second scene is when Tao Shuna was studying for a doctorate, she went to the police station because of her "beating", and the police beat ** to ask her parents to come over.
Meng Yunqing was anxious, but the first thing she said when she saw the police was that she was concerned about whether her daughter was injured.
She also told the police that her daughter would never hit someone for no reason, and she must have seen who had been wronged.
Sure enough, Tao Shuna met someone else in the taxi and did it bravely.
Meng Yunqing unconditionally trusts and supports her daughter at all times.
And this is exactly what many parents can't do, and Meng Mingwei in the play is a typical negative teaching material.
When her daughter Li Yijin went to school, she was always worried and often peeked at her daughter's schoolbag.
Once, she took out a note of "I like you" from her school bag, scolded her indiscriminately for her early love, and stabbed the incident at school in an attempt to find out the boy.
When Li Yijin and her male classmates fought, she began to accuse and scold without asking the reason, believing that everything was her daughter's fault.
Even if Li Yijin is 30 years old, she will still rummage through her daughter's bag and wrongfully accuse her daughter of being pregnant before marriage, no matter how Li Yijin explains, she will not listen.
It was her suspicions and suspicions that pushed her daughter farther and farther, and the two were full of indifference and alienation.
Psychologists once said that trust is the best love for children.
When your child is wronged, support her instead of helping others bully her.
When your child encounters a problem, accompany her to solve it instead of creating more conflicts.
Only when your child feels your love and trust will she open up to you, will she know that you are her dependence, and your relationship can be close and long-lasting.
I will always stand with you, and it will work better than any means of education.
Don't spoil the fun, the emotional value is full
There was a hot topic online: That's why I blocked my parents.
In the comments, a girl said that she drew a beautiful picture when she was a child, and she was full of joy to show it to her parents, but they said:
What do you draw these for? I won't be able to rely on this to eat in the future! ”
When she shared something funny, her parents scolded her for "laughing too loudly, knowing how to shout".
She showed her mother the ** when she was traveling, but her mother began to pick on her, "It's ugly for you to smile with your mouth pursed."
Gradually, the girl stopped sharing with her parents and hid in her room when she got home. But at this time, they blamed the girl for being too indifferent.
Many parents are like this, obviously they plugged their children's mouths with their own hands, but in turn blamed the children for being dumb.
But Meng Yunqing in the play shows us a very good model of parent-child communication.
No matter what her daughter shared with her, she listened patiently, responded to everything, and did not perfunctory, suppressed, or disappointed.
The daughter said that she wanted to learn taekwondo, and she supported it unconditionally;
The daughter said that she wanted to confess to her crush, and she also encouraged her daughter to be brave enough to pursue love.
When my daughter was studying for her PhD, she said that she and her roommates had different schedules and interfered with each other, so she wanted to move out of the dormitory and rent a house.
Meng Yunqing is not like an ordinary mother, who will accuse her daughter of spending money indiscriminately, but did not hesitate to transfer 30,000 yuan to her daughter.
When her daughter wanted to live with her boyfriend, although Meng Yunqing also had concerns, she still agreed with her daughter's decision, thinking that it was a good thing that the two could find problems in advance.
She didn't nag blindly, but just reminded her daughter that "girls must take care of their bodies".
She is also never stingy with praise and praise for her daughter, "My daughter is the best" is the words she often says.
So from childhood to adulthood, my daughter is happy to share big and small things with her.
When her daughter ate delicious hot pot, bought a good-looking bag, made a breakthrough in her studies, and finally succeeded in confessing. will tell her as soon as possible.
These two are not so much mother and daughter as sisters, and their relationship is so good that they talk about everything.
Wu Zhihong once said:
"Good parents become containers for their children. Acknowledging the child when the child gets things done, supporting the child when the child encounters frustration, and letting the child's emotions, energy, and aggression flow through the parent's relationship. ”Doing these 3 points also means that you are providing enough emotional value to your child.
When the emotional value is enough, the relationship will naturally be close.
Don't cross the line, know how to love yourself and please yourself
How scary is a mom with no ego? Just look at Meng Mingwei in the play.
She has a disabled leg and is married to a husband who doesn't love her, so all her thoughts are on her daughter Li Yijin.
If you are not satisfied with your daughter's grades, you will prevent her from reading any extracurricular books and ban her from all hobbies except studying;
I couldn't get used to my daughter's bangs, so I cut them directly;
As long as her daughter doesn't reply to a message for a second, she will be bombarded with all kinds of ** and text messages.
She also took it upon herself to register a blind date account for her daughter, and tricked her daughter into coming out to meet netizens with "sick";
thought that her daughter was going to go abroad, so she rushed to her daughter's unit and made a big noise, and even slapped her in public.
She put all her eyes and expectations on her daughter, and she also called "everything is for your good".
In the end, his daughter was forced to cut off the relationship with herself.
Such a tense mother-daughter relationship also abounds in reality.
A post-90s girl is reluctant to marry a blind date she doesn't like.
The mother chased after the girl's workplace, crying and making trouble, making everyone know.
Seeing that the girl still didn't comply, she forced her to die again, and the girl had no choice but to compromise.
But after marriage, the girl's life was not happy, and she wanted to divorce her mother but said that she would not agree to anything. The girl had no choice but to turn to the court so that she could be relieved.
On the other hand, Meng Yunqing in the play loves her daughter but never interferes with her daughter, giving her enough choice and freedom.
She has said to her daughter since she was a child:
"My girl, what she wants to do, who she wants to like, that's what she makes her own decisions in the future, and I will never change her because of anyone's prejudices. ”When her husband Tao Dalei taught her daughter to get married and have children while she was young, she would also warn her husband "Don't point fingers at her daughter's life".
It's really hard not to love such a mother who advances and retreats to a degree.
Another point worth learning from us is that Meng Yunqing has never forgotten to love herself.
After becoming a mother, she still loves beauty very much, usually likes to wear makeup and dress up, and never treats herself badly in life.
At work, she works hard, is motivated, and has her own small business.
Such a mother will naturally not be full of anger to control her child.
I think of a poem written by Satya, the family teacher:
"If you love me,Please love yourself before you love me, and love yourself at the same time as you love me.The most important thing to learn as a mother is "self-care".If you don't love yourself, you can't love me, that's the law of love.
Because, you can't give what you don't have. ”
Only when a mother loves herself and manages herself well can she give her daughter just the right amount of love.
Many mothers will wonder:
I gave everything for my daughter, but she didn't kiss me, and even regarded me as an enemy, why is this?
Actually, it all depends on your heart and wisdom.
Some mothers not only give their children love and support, but also give their children freedom, such children are the luckiest.
Some mothers, even if they can't give their children enough love, can strictly abide by the boundaries and let their children be free, which can be regarded as leaving a way for their children.
But there are still some mothers who can neither give love, understanding, respect, trust and appreciation, but also have a strong desire to control, forcing their children to just want to escape.
What kind of mom are you? How's your relationship with your daughter going?