In this crowded city, I, Xiaoling, a 36-year-old ordinary urban white-collar worker, are like an obscure grass, growing hard, but also helplessly accepting various challenges in life.
From my 20s to now, I've always felt like something forgotten in the corner and no one came to claim it. Friends and classmates have entered the palace of marriage one by one, and the children have gradually grown up, but I am still alone. It's not because I haven't experienced love, but every time I fail. The pressure of all kinds of reality and my own confusion put me in a predicament.
My family is average, my parents are retired workers, and their biggest hope is to see their daughter settle down. But I keep letting them down.
As a sales consultant, I am busy working every day for a little bit of performance. But why is life so hard? Relationships are not fulfilling, and it is difficult to find satisfaction in work.
Last month, I couldn't stand my mother's nagging, so I went on a blind date. The other party is a supposedly successful entrepreneur, two years older than me, divorced but childless. Maybe this time, I'll meet my true destiny, right?
That day, I was dressed up with light makeup and a newly bought dress, and we met at a café in the city center. At the beginning, we had a good chat and introduced each other to the basics and work. However, as the chat deepened, he suddenly asked, "Why are you still single until now?" "I felt a little embarrassed by this question, as if I had been poked in the underbelly.
I hesitated for a moment, but finally decided to be honest: "I also want to get married, but I can't always find the right person." Unexpectedly, his answer almost made me choke on the coffee in my mouth.
He said, "You know what? There are not many women of our age anymore, and many of them are divorced with children. It's not easy to find a 'leftover woman' like you, who doesn't dislike you. You're about to go through menopause, are you marrying you for retirement? "My heart went cold all at once, and I didn't know how to respond.
Despite my inner displeasure, I tried to be polite: "Shouldn't feelings be the basis of marriage?" He sneered, "Feelings? At this age, ** still have so many feelings to speak of? Everyone is an adult, and they get married just to get by. You think, when you're over 40, it's harder to find the right match. At that time, if you wanted to get married, I was afraid that you could only find a divorced person. I couldn't take it anymore and picked up my bag to leave. He looked at me with a dismissive expression.
On the way home, I kept reflecting: Was I wrong? Is age really so important? Why do you have to settle at this age? I'm not reconciled!
This blind date made me deeply realize that my emotional predicament is not for nothing. Am I being too picky? Maybe I'm too demanding of feelings? Should I lower my requirements and marry someone?
I started to reflect on my mindset and values. What I've always longed for is a sincere relationship, but does such love really exist? Or have I been defeated by reality and lost my confidence?
I started to think seriously about my future and life plan. I don't want to be bothered by life, I want to try to find my own happiness! I have to tell myself: age is just a number, it does not define my worth and happiness!