Marriage and love chapter Zhihu is a 37-year-old woman who is single in the mother's womb
Seeing her self-description on Zhihu, I think it has some meaning, here**:
I'm not unmarried, I'm not a Dink, I don't have a house, a car, a career, I'm not a strong woman, I have average work ability, I'm just an ordinary rural girl, I don't have a strong family background, my parents are ordinary farmers, I can't give me any constructive guidance in life, I feel that everything is on my own.
I don't know how I've dragged myself to where I am now. If you really want to think back to the past a little bit, think that I will still have traces to follow.
I come from a rural area, my family has three children (my elder sister and I), my parents are honest farmers, I have no knowledge and brains, I only rely on farming to support my family, and I have never gone out to work. Under such conditions, our family's economy can be imagined, and being able to eat and dress is the greatest luxury.
My childhood winters were always cold, my feet never felt warm, and on rainy days, my water shoes were always seeping water. In my memory, it took a long time to eat a meat dish. Such a family will give me some inferiority complex. My parents are the kind of good people, others need them to help without saying a word, and their personalities are also a little weak, focusing on not causing trouble, and they are also a lot of sadness by some people. Come to think of it, these subtle influences have had a lot on my personality.
Let's talk about me, I have been thin, dark and short since I was a child, and I have a very introverted personality, except for playing with my classmates when I go to school, I basically don't go out when I go home during the holidays, I don't like to play and I don't have any social interaction. Even when I go out, I follow my mother to visit the door, or go to work in the fields (so outsiders think that I am a child who is very diligent and always helps my parents work). Since I was a child, I have felt that my family is poor and ugly, very inferior and introverted, always feel inferior and feel bad, I don't like to talk or play with others. When I stay, I focus more on my studies, and I'm good at that, I'm quite diligent and hardworking, and my grades have always been pretty good. From elementary school to junior high school to high school, it is a good class and a good ranking. But I failed the college entrance examination, only got to the second line, more than 20 points away from the first, and I couldn't fill in the volunteers. I really don't have the courage to repeat my studies, first, because of the high pressure of studying, and second, because of the financial pressure. After only one year of college, my dad died of a sudden illness, which has always been an unrecoverable pain in my heart, too sudden. I was sick but kept it a secret from me, and I found out after returning home from vacation that it was already late when I went to the hospital, and I left in less than a month.
My dad and I have a very good relationship, since I was a child, he encouraged me to study hard, reading can change my fate, he said that he would always send me to study (study for a doctorate) until I don't want to miss.
My dad left, and I didn't really want to go to school, but when he knew that he was going to die (when he was sending him back to his hometown), he told me that I must finish college (I was the first girl in our family to go to college, and he was very proud, even if it was just an ordinary undergraduate university), and I agreed to give him peace of mind. I didn't leave to go back to school for a few days after his funeral, and it had been a long time since school started. Later, I somehow went to school, probably thinking that I had promised my dad after all. (Writing this, I feel a little off-topic, forget it, just just nag casually.) ）
Why I didn't want to go at that time, on the one hand, my father's death hit me hard, and on the other hand, he was the pillar of our family's economy, and it felt like the sky was falling without him. At this time, you will definitely ask my brother and my sisterAt that time, when my sister went to work, she was deceived into going to the mountains of another province to be a wife for a few years, and my father was seriously ill and did not give her back. As for my brother, he went out to work after graduating from junior high school, and he couldn't earn much money, and he occasionally asked my father to give money in those years. So you can imagine how confused I was at that time. I now try to recall that after my father died, there really was no uncle who came to my door to care about my schooling, of course, this is not a moral kidnapping, after all, no one else is obligated to help me. For the remaining 3 years of college, my tuition and living expenses were all based on scholarships, subsidies for poor students, and work-study programs. I felt like I was working part-time during my breaks and vacations, working as a dormitory attendant who stayed up late on duty, a tutor who rode my bike to class in the evenings and weekends, and handing out flyers and ...... when I stood on a broken legThere is so much nonsense in the above, I want to express that from elementary school to high school, the study pressure is heavy, I don't listen to things outside the window, I only read the books of sages, and this kind of thing is almost insulated from me (pay attention to the caution of using almost, there is no absolute).
There is not much pressure to study in college, but life is stressful, and there is no mind. At this point, maybe you say what about after the work?yes, why didn't I look for it after work?After working, I felt very poor, poorer than in school, because I could earn scholarships by studying hard in school, but when I went to society, I had to pay all kinds of fees. So I just want to work hard and earn money, but when I just came out, my personality is too introverted, I can't socialize, I can't make very much money, and I really don't want to work in the society. I don't have anyone to guide me when I come out to work (what job is good and promising, take the public examination and edit), I rely on myself, and I can do the job I like if someone wants it.
In those years, I felt like I was really a workaholic, the kind of work I dreamed of. Seeing this, you must have guessed that I have been single for 36 years! In fact, when I was about 30 years old, many people introduced me to me, and I met many people intermittently, either because I felt that my personality was not compatible, or I felt that he was poor and I was poor, but I was not rich enough, so I wanted to work harder to earn money. I'm poor and afraid, so I think it's too important to form a family economy, if we are not rich ourselves, how can we get married and have a baby so that she can grow up in such an environment and repeat the mistakes of my childhood?
is about to be 37 years old and unmarried and childless, and it is false to say that there is no hurry. In 2022, I resigned naked when I was 34 years old, and it has been two years since I was an older unemployed, unmarried, and childless woman, and every label is enough to make me anxious and confused at the moment, so what is the end of me? I think the above-mentioned poor and ugly, introverted, workaholic and so on are the main reasons for my current age. In addition, there is another reason that I have never dared to say, a strange unrequited love (unilateral crush) for nearly 8 years seems to have a bit of an impact on my relationship.
When I mentioned the early love when I was a student, I was cautious about the word "almost" impossible, because I felt that the crush was really an emotional exchange that had nothing to do with others, and sometimes I think back to that experience and feel more like I had been in love with myself for a long time, so the crush is also a kind of love, right? The first spring heart sprouted was in high school, not the kind of love at first sight, but love over time. He and I are in the same study group, and we check in and study together every day, and I like it inexplicably after getting along for a long time, until now I don't know when I was attracted to him, he is not handsome, and he is not as good at studying as me, and he is not particularly good to me. But I also remember when I realized that I had a special feeling about him that was different from others.
It was one day, a female classmate who had a good relationship with him suddenly fainted and bruised, and lost a lot of blood, which frightened us all at that time. He happened to be next to her, picked up and tried to wake her up, we all ran to find the teacher, and when I ran back, a group of classmates surrounded, he was very anxious and didn't know what to do, I was worried about my classmates on the one hand, and I felt very uncomfortable when I watched him hold her (I knew that I was not good like this, but I did feel a little jealous - but I didn't understand it at the time, I felt uncomfortable in my heart), and then the teacher came and sent the classmates to the hospital. When I got back to the dormitory, I kept thinking about the picture of him holding her, and my heart was a little uncomfortable. Until the next day, he and other classmates went to visit her in the hospital, and he was still in the hospital.
I had been very uncomfortable and didn't speak, and he probably sensed that something was wrong with me and quietly came to me and asked me what was wrong, but I ignored him (I was also confused about my behavior at the time) and left the hospital with my classmates and went back to school. Later, I didn't know why I forgot about it, and since then there have been some subtle changes between us (maybe it's just me), such as we are close to each other every time we change seats, either he is in tune with someone else (maybe I'm in the illusion), or I tune in with someone else (it should be me).
Another example is to pass more notes (I used to love to pass notes, and I wrote notes when I was talking a bit of), I remember that I had kept a lot of notes that we had passed before, and now I don't know how to throw **. And then, at that time, there was a lot of pressure to study, and there was a bad appetite for a while, my dad ordered me fresh milk, and sent a bottle of it every day (quite luxurious), sometimes I was reluctant to drink it and specially left it to him, now I think about this proper love brain brain, every time I think of the corners of his mouth unconsciously raised, I feel happy, I especially like that feeling!
After all, it's a crush, and there will always be an illusion that he likes me too. The reason why he let me have a crush for seven or eight years is that his delusion that he likes me is too real! His occasional teasing and occasional concern made me particularly interested, probably because he was the most frequent classmate of the opposite sex I had contact with at that time. Later, the college entrance examination and the two of us did not do very well, when he was waiting for the score at home, he often called me **, and did not talk about anything, just chatted, and could also chat for about half an hour and an hour (at that time, the phone bill was expensive), when filling in the volunteer, he asked me to wait for him to be together, I felt that he wanted me to fill in the same city or school with him, but he did not say it clearly, so he kept emphasizing that I should wait for him to fill in.
But because my dad and I ** passed the first time I filled in first (the first choice was indeed in the same city as him, but I was not admitted), and then I waited for him to fill in his later, and his later admission was on, I was not admitted, and I went to another city for the re-enlistment.
In this way, we started our respective university life in different cities. Because I spend most of my time part-time in part-time except for classes, I keep in touch with him occasionally, sometimes only once in a long time, but every time I feel like I can't finish talking. When I go home on vacation, I basically see each other once, almost every year. During that time, we felt that lovers were not full of friends first (I felt unilaterally), ambiguous, and no one pierced this piece of paper (it should be me, and he didn't feel it).
After graduation, I didn't go to his city (he was in his hometown), and I went to another city with my friend (at that time, I was very confused and didn't have any plans for the future, I had a good relationship with this friend, and I felt safe and secure with her).
He still contacted me occasionally, and everyone didn't work well in the first year or two before he started working, and we encouraged each other, and sometimes he called me at two or three o'clock in the morning, and I would accompany him. I vaguely remember a few times when he hinted at when I would go back to my hometown (I don't know if it was an illusion), and I always felt that I couldn't survive in a strange city without relying on it, so I said this concern, and he didn't say anything more.
In fact, after graduation, I think he must like me too, but he has never said it, I have been waiting, hoping that he will take the first step, but unfortunately not.
In fact, after graduation, I think he must like me too, but he has never said it, I have been waiting, hoping that he will take the first step, but unfortunately not. I used to be more passive (now not so passive), and not long after I graduated, I happened to learn from other classmates that his family background is actually quite good, the family seems to be in business, and he started his own business after graduation (he didn't tell me), which made me feel more inferior and dare not take the initiative, thinking that I would work harder to earn money and become better to be worthy of him.
But God doesn't fulfill people's wishes, and I don't know when we started to contact less and less, until one day he suddenly sent me a wedding post, asking me to go back to his wedding, at that time my head was buzzing, I had just come back from the hospital (I was easily smashed my wrist when cleaning, and I just injured my veins and flowed a lot of blood to frighten myself and thought it would be si), I didn't cry when I washed the wound and injected in the hospital, and I received his wedding card when I came back, and my head really had to buzz.
But I didn't cry, I took a few days off while my hands hurt, and I was in a house for a few days. Later, I kept numbing myself with work, and occasionally I thought about it and persuaded myself to let go. I always thought I had let go. Every time I felt like I was letting go, he would come out and have a few words, and then I would move on to the next round of persuasion. I've been dealing with this relationship well.
Until one day, he said that he had come to my city on a business trip and happened to be near me, and asked me out to meet my old classmates for dinner (it had been a few years since the last time we met), and I thought that I had completely let go, and it was nothing for my old classmates to meet. As a result, I sent him away after dinner, and when I saw his car going farther and farther, I suddenly had a huge sadness in my heart, and I kept going back to the rental room, and gave my girlfriend a ** before saying: He shouldn't have come to me! I broke down and couldn't stop crying, I felt inexplicable about my sudden emotions while crying, and it took me a long time to calm down.
Maybe at that moment I felt that we would never see each other again, maybe we would never see each other again, and I felt especially sorry and sad for what we had done. It was only after that time that I slowly let go and began to gradually accept blind dates.
This is my weird crush experience, in addition to getting along in reality in high school, we have been in a different place since college, and I don't know that I have the huge illusion that he likes me, and I like him. Maybe I like it when I liked him at the beginning, the spring heart is budding, the real joy in my heart when I think of him, every molecule in the air is sweet.
Although I don't have any actual emotional experience, I do feel that (maybe on paper) I have learned a little bit from my past experiences
1. Men and women are equal in front of feelings, you must have a sense of worthiness, he must have a shining point to attract him when he chooses you, then you are worthy. I used to be skeptical about whether he liked me or not, because I felt that I was not good or good.
2. Don't be too passive, my previous personality was too passive, most of them were he who took the initiative to contact me. I think the maintenance of feelings requires both parties to pay, and it will last for a long time in both directions. A person who takes the initiative unilaterally for a long time will be tired.
3. When you meet someone you like, remember to express yourself bravely, and don't regret it until you lose it.
4. Pursue bravely and stop losses in time. Pursue bravely first, and if you don't fulfill people's wishes, stop losses in time. Don't come out like you did for a long time. When the heart is clean, there will be new people.
The reason why everyone is single is different, whether it is the influence of the original family, and the unladylike encounter, or regret missing, I think, there is no need to be anxious, God has its own arrangements.
We strive to have a good fate, but if we really can't meet it, it's not a big deal, people live a lifetime, and we must have the courage to face everything.
Be yourself and enjoy life. Although I am single until I am 37 years old, it does not affect my love of life now.
I wish you all the older men and women a fruitful harvest.