This book is also too good
Do you feel like you've been saying "no" to your child and it's not doing much? You are helpless, and the children are annoying!
The reason is in**? What to do? "The Awakening of Parents" gives us the answer.
First of all, you need to figure out when you say "yes" or "no" to your child, is it your true thought after deliberation or your emotional reaction at the time? Or is it just a flippant perfunctory approach to children? Or even just feel like I'm mom and dad and you have to listen to me?
Very young children will have the ability to perceive and may not be able to express or not know how to express, but over time, children will soon realize that we are not genuinely affirming them, and they will also say "no" when there seems to be no reason, and they will feel that our attitude is casual. As a result, in their opinion, neither our affirmations nor our negatives have any practical significance. This means that if they insist on it, we can change our decisions at will."
Therefore, before you say "yes" or "no", you should "do your emotional homework" so that your child knows that rejection or affirmation is not arbitrary, but has full and serious consideration!
Second, it is necessary to distinguish between issues of principle and issues of flexibility. The so-called issues of principle are not the same in different periods, for a young child, eating, sleeping, cleaning, and politeness are issues of principle; For children and adolescents, it is a matter of principle that matters such as morality, morality, and a sense of responsibility. When we say "yes" to a matter of principle, it means 100 percent yes; When you say "no", you definitely mean no!
And the flexibility rule does not have a significant impact on the healthy development of the child. Once the major rules are established, parents and children can work together to define the rules of flexibility, which can be discussed slowly and gradually agreed upon. During this process, the child can say "no" to us. Gradually, "the child will see that we will exert authority and make big rules; At the same time, we will also see that we are willing to give away some of our power, so that they also have the right to express their individuality and express their opinions." As the daily spiritual communication continues, the process of behavior shaping becomes the process of spiritual communication between parents and children.
Third, lead by example.
Children will not gladly accept our every request and should not be. But children need to understand the bottom line of their own behavior, and know what to do and what not to do. Words are as important as deeds in this process, on the one hand, we must teach earnestly, and at the same time, we must practice them! You can't watch Tik Tok and watch live broadcasts all the time, but tell your children that you can't play games or watch TV! There are also words "How many times have I said, you just don't listen"!
Once the rules are set, all family members are expected to follow them, and if the parents themselves do not follow the family rules, there is no incentive for the children to follow them. It's no wonder that children challenge their parents' bottom lines and repeatedly force them to break their promises.
Fourth, be consistent, not do what you want! You can't be emotional or even change your order. For the same thing, it's okay to be happy, it's okay to be unhappy, it's important to maintain consistency.
We can't shape one behavior and leave it to the next, or do it today and give up the next day." For example, if you are in a good mood today, a two-year-old baby is not good at eating, and pour the vegetables into the water cup to play, although you tell the baby that you can't, but you coax and lure the baby to eat with the juice you like; And the next time, the baby repeats the same trick, but you are tired and in a bad mood, but you take away the food and the cup and scold you. Think about it, will the baby be at a loss? Do rules still work in the long run? "If parents affirm or deny their children based on subconscious unresolved emotional problems, rather than based on their developmental needs, it will inevitably lead to conflict."
Fifth, pay attention to timing, timing is crucial.
One of the common mistakes we make is trying to teach our children how to behave properly in moments of intense conflict. When the child is emotionally intense, no matter how hard you stop the child, even the baby can only be frightened, and it will not achieve the desired effect, and the child and teenager will not be useful. Because if a child does not calm down, he will not be able to recognize the deeper meaning of his actions.
To say "no" to children, but also to help them deal with the resulting emotional problems, "children's behavioral habits are not formed in a vacuum, but are related to the appropriateness of our authority."
Sixth, know your child's temperament.
How to send a "no" message to a child depends on their temperament. Well-behaved and obedient children are more sensitive and generally appear more submissive. Sometimes a single glance at parents can stop their misbehavior. However, they also tend to be easy to please their parents. "Therefore, parents of such children should be careful not to exert too much authority, lest the child become indecisive or even timid in the future". And children with a tougher personality can't solve problems with their eyes alone. Such children are often in trouble, they are independent and willful, stubborn, and even irritable and reckless. "Parents have to strike a difficult balance: strengthening restraint with good intentions. It is very important that all discipline is implemented and maintained in a gentle and rainy atmosphere." As the saying goes, "warm and firm".
When we are repetitive in the process of parenting and unyielding, it is time to stop and ask ourselves: Why am I doing this when it doesn't work? What's the crux of the problem?
The process of raising children is also a process of self-growth, and "every moment we spend with our children reflects a reflection on the past and will also lay the foundation for the future." Let's grow up with your child!