Author: Ai Wen (emotional self-** person).
In the face of emotional betrayal, many people are entangled in the question of whether to break up or not, but,If you don't find the essence of the problem, whether you leave it or not, you won't be able to heal your wounds, let alone regain the happiness of life.
After experiencing emotional betrayal, you must first understand that the damage caused by betrayal to you is only temporary, and if you are trapped in it for a long time, unable to extricate yourself, and living in pain forever, then the fundamental problem is that you take your feelings too seriously - so whether you choose to end the relationship or not, you will not be able to recover.Because you take the relationship too seriously, the relationship becomes an important component of your life, and betrayal means that you cannot get happiness from this important component, but instead it brings you a kind of pain and suffering, and the more you look at the relationship, the deeper the hurt and torture will be - it's as simple as that.
Correspondingly, if you want to heal your pain and hope that you can get better, the first lesson is to look down on or even let go of the relationship.
What we value will sway and control us, and this is especially true of feelings. There are all sentient beings, and everyone cares differently, which is why all sentient beings have their own suffering.
Those who have been unable to ** themselves for a long time after being betrayed have a basic common characteristic, that is, they take their feelings too seriously, so heavy that they affect their lives.
In fact, except for life and death, there are trivial things in the world—it's just that it is really not easy to cultivate the mentality to this state.
It's a pity that too many people who have suffered emotional betrayal not only can't look down on their feelings, but they fall deeper and deeper into the whirlpool of feelings. The feeling of being deceived and abandoned, they lose themselves, they are angry on the one hand, and inferior on the other.After a long period of internal friction, many people gradually see the essence of the problem, and finally understand that if they want to get better, they must complete the homework of looking down on feelings. However, the reason is clear, but the specific way is not known, this is the path and practical operation.Unless they are determined to break up in the first place, they usually cling to the relationship because they are afraid of losing it—the relationship that hurts them is instead seen by them as a medicine to save themselves; should have looked down on the feelings that were put down, but they weighed more than a thousand pounds in their hearts.
Here are some practical ways to do it:
Put your feelings first.
Feelings are valued because you put the other party before yourself, so when the other party doesn't care or even hurts you, this kind of damage is doubled, and this "doubled" coefficient is actually increased by yourself.
Therefore, to look down on feelings, you must first learn to consider your own feelings. For example, if you are in a bad mood this minute, you have to take care of your mood and emotions first, or from another perspective, you don't need to think about the other party first, how happy and comfortable you can come, why care about the other party?At this time, you may say, if so, is there still love - what a stupid question, a person who betrays you, what kind of love do you talk about, it is better to love yourself first; You say, if it's already like this, it's better to get a divorce.
Yes, here you need to understand a truth, you can not leave, but you must not be afraid of the other party filing for divorce, about this issue, I will talk to you alone another day, here you just need to remember:You can not mention divorce, but you must not be afraid that the other party will file for divorce. Correspondingly, if you can't adjust your mentality like this, you will never be able to get rid of the influence and hurt of the other party.
Invest more time and energy in other aspects, and find new fulcrums of happiness outside of relationships.
After a betrayal of your feelings, you are probably dead-hearted, uninterested in anything, and like to close yourself off, but doing so will only make your situation worse.
The way to help heal yourself is to force yourself to do more things, and invest your energy and time in other things outside of your relationship, such as your work career, your interpersonal interactions, your hobbies, etc., you have to remember that investing in these aspects is probably basically following the principle of "pay will be rewarded", but feelings are definitely not. So, once you're able to invest in something else, your condition will gradually improve.
Another important way is that you need to look beyond the relationship, is to find a new fulcrum of happiness - why you are hurt so badly, because in your happiness composition, feelings basically become the only one, so once the relationship is unhappy, your whole life will fall into a dead silence.
At this time, it is necessary to change the mindDon't expect to resurrect happiness that is only supported by feelings through the way of "** feelings", but learn to find the fulcrum that supports happiness in life again.
What is the new fulcrum - the work career, interpersonal communication, hobbies, etc. just mentioned are all things, in short, you will do whatever can improve your happiness.
At this time, some people will say: I can't find a new fulcrum?
If so, ask yourself, have you tried to find it, have you worked hard, have you persevered, ......
If you can't find happiness anywhere else but your feelings, then this may be the fundamental reason why you can't heal yourself from betrayal.
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