Today, when I took my child out camping, he suddenly ran far away to play without our consent, and left the child he had just met alone in the tent we had set up.
What's strange is that one second they were still happily playing and sharing snacks together, and the next second they suddenly ran out to play alone, and they couldn't call it back.
This is very outrageous in the eyes of our adults. It's like a friend comes to your house, but you leave your friend alone at home to eat takeout, and then go to a restaurant to eat by yourself.
At first, I thought that the two children had a conflict, but after asking, I found out that there was not. In the end, I could only call out to the other children to leave in embarrassment, and I put away the tent in a very angry way.
When I found him, I asked him why he had run away all of a sudden, and he didn't say why, let alone know he was wrong. On the contrary, he felt that this was a normal thing, because he was originally out to play. It made me feel like I had to educate him.
After several arguments with him, but there was still no result, but he kept stubbornly claiming that he was not wrong, and kept saying that it was our fault. I finally couldn't help but reach out and hit him, and his tears finally cried, and then he fought with me.
Of course he couldn't beat me, so I just knocked him down and pressed him on the lawn, so that he would be good to me. A long time ago, this way of immobilizing him would have made him admit his mistake quickly, but this time it didn't work. Even if the fight was more painful in the back, he could still endure it, never admit his mistakes, and still have the strength to shoot back at me. I have to admire his perseverance, no matter how he fights, he doesn't let go, and he doesn't admit defeat.
He showed the stubbornness unique to a child - since he can't beat it, his mouth must not admit defeat. Even though I was crying when I hit him, my mouth never stopped for a moment. In his way, he is fighting violence - I'm not wrong, I'm not going to admit defeat.
After a long stalemate without results, and the number of onlookers increased, I finally had to angrily carry him home to deal with it.
On the way home, he repeated one sentence over and over again:Whatever is wrong with me, it's your fault.
Moreover, he found a very convincing reason for himself, blaming us for not re-emphasizing to him when we went out today: we can't run around without permission.
I couldn't refute it, and even felt that there was some truth in what he said, that such a young child could see through the essence and say such philosophical words. But after all, I'm educating him that he can't admit defeat in terms of momentum, and the more he is like this, the more I want to beat him.
So, I am also reflecting on myself, is it really wrong for us to be adults when educating children?
When we give him a lot of demands and restrictions, we always remind him that he is just a child. But when it comes to education, we often forget that he was just a child.
He's just a kid, how can he remember so many rules? So he is not a quibble, the mistakes made by children are the fault of adults. If you explain the safety issue to him again when you go out to play today, today's outing should be a happy end.
At this age, children's thinking is very active, always imaginative, and should not be subject to too many restrictions. It is also destined that it will be difficult for them to maintain long-term focus on one thing. But sometimes, their concentration can also be very concentrated, for example, when watching cartoons, and they can completely block out information from the outside world.
When I got home, I reflected on myself and finally decided that I should take the initiative to admit my mistake to him first. He quickly opened the door, and then I went to buy some fried chicken to comfort him, which was one of the better things I did today.
Because it didn't seem to be something I would have done before, I always felt that it wasn't my fault and that I shouldn't apologize first. Now I understand that a family can never tell right from wrong. A sensible person should make concessions first, otherwise what is the difference between him and an ignorant person?
After I apologized to him, he cried again, but this time I could feel that he realized that he was wrong.
I asked him, do you think you're wrong? He cried and saidI know I'm wrong, but I can't control my emotions under your threats.
Yes, I found myself expressing my anger by only raising my voice, which did make him realize that we were angry, but it also made him lose control of his emotions.
Many of the ways I deal with my children are learned from the older generation of parents, and the educational methods they used to use for us do not seem to be effective now. Nowadays, the Internet is too developed, and the growth rate of children is really amazing, and they already understand a lot of truths.
I thought about it carefully, children also have face, and they also need an equal way to communicate. If I hadn't yelled at him at first, but patiently reasoned with him, and then made him realize his mistake, maybe what happened later would not have happened.
After all, the way children deal with problems is also learned from adults. If an adult deals with a child's problem by yelling, the child will naturally use this method when facing the same situation.
One of the main problems with the conflict between children and adults is that we always feel that children should listen to adults, that they should do things according to their ideas and rules, and that if they do not obey, they should be disciplined and even punished.
I wanted to take him out to play every time I went home, but it turned out that I didn't do a good job. Once he is disobedient and does not do what I want, I will not be unhappy, and I will not want to follow his ideas, and I want to punish him for this, so that he can remember it longer.
But this method doesn't seem to work, because he seems to know that no matter how naughty he is, what should be given to him will still be given to him in the end. So in the end, I was the only one doing useless emotional friction.
Children are also independent individuals, and they also have their own ideas. So more often than not, adults should consult with their children rather than give orders.
But adults can stick to issues of principle like safety, but if it's just a matter for their own convenience, they don't have to ask their children to listen to themselves. Allowing children to explore the world in their own way may be a better way to preserve their imagination and creativity.
It's only been two days since I went home, and I don't have much time to play with him. Instead of scolding education to make him angry, it is better to leave him some good impressions and memories. It's a day to be happy, and it's a day to be unhappy.
I suddenly remembered that he came to ask me how to write my homework this morning, and I happened to be playing a game, so he asked me to come back later. Adults don't study well, and children wonder why they want to study. Children are very good at imitation, and if adults are reading and studying, then children are naturally more likely to develop such habits.
So the results of this experience gave me the following reflections:
1.When communicating with others, you must control your emotions, learn to communicate effectively, and try to create an equal opportunity for communication. When you treat some tricky people as children, communication is not that difficult.
2.When educating children, use negative punishment instead of positive punishment, so that you will not feel guilty about hitting your child.
Positive Punishment: Gives an unpleasant stimulus, and the probability is reduced. (imposing penalties).
Negative Penalty: Cancels the pleasant stimulus, and the probability is reduced. (Revocation of Reward).
2.Less playing games and watching dramas in front of your children. Try to take him to study for a while and play with him for a while. Using his own practical actions to teach him to control his emotions is also to help him control his emotions.
3.To be a man, we must learn to be tolerant and generous, and be less calculating. It is not only to forgive others, but also to achieve oneself.
Children have a lot to learn from adults, that is, there is never an overnight feud. No matter how much friends play hard, they can still play happily together in a few days.
But adults have gradually lost this ability, and holding grudges seems to be a lifelong thing. In fact, as long as one person gives in first and gives the other party a step down, many things can be solved.
Therefore, when you have a dispute with others, even if it is not your own fault, you should give others a step down first. Letting anger get carried away will only affect your emotions in the future, and you may even hold a grudge for a lifetime after an argument. But if you regress first and alleviate the conflict, then you will have less burden, and you will even feel proud and happy because you have done something different.
Learning to control our emotions is a lifelong task.
After all, game failures can be repeated multiple times, but life is only once, and the trauma encountered may take a lifetime. It is also very rewarding to be able to live a positive and happy day.
My diary with a baby