Why do you find that many children are more reluctant to talk to their parents the more they grow up, and the relationship is becoming more and more tense? The reason is simple, some of our Chinese parents have gone awry with their parenting methods.
The first is excessive suffering education, people do have to go through some setbacks to grow, but it does not mean that we have to take the initiative to find sin, it does not mean that we have to be nervous all the time, and it does not mean that we cannot enjoy happiness.
The problem with many parents today is that as soon as he sees this child happy, he thinks you are falling. As soon as he sees the child's happiness, he thinks that you are carried away. Not only let the children suffer, but also suffer all the time. It's obviously what he wants to eat, so he has to give it to his children bitterly, and he says that I am reluctant to eat it for you. Obviously, what you want to buy, you have to restrain yourself, and you have to tell your child, you see that your mother hasn't changed her mobile phone for you for several years, and your father hasn't bought clothes for you for several years.
In that child, when his cognition is not yet fully mature, it is fatal to hear these words, because he will make the child feel that he is responsible for all this of his parents, and then he will not have any power to change the situation. Since then, even if this huge human debt is saddled, a sense of guilt, inferiority, and unworthiness has been formed.
When I grow up, this kind of so-called unhappy parents abound. You buy him something, and he'll say it's too expensive and worth it, and tell you to return it. If you want to go to the next restaurant, he will say that this thing is unhealthy, unpalatable, and it is better to be at home. When you finally take him out to play, he will complain that the road is too congested, the weather is too hot, and there are too many people. They can always come up with something to disappoint you, splash you with cold water, and make you remember the suffering.
Anyway, it's the main one, you talk to them about your anxiety, they make you double your anxiety, you share happiness with them, they can make your happiness disappear in an instant. Then there is the inexplicable contradiction and sense of separation. When you were a child, they wanted you to be obedient and sensible, and when you grew up, they wanted you to dare to fight. When you go to school, I beg you to stay away from the opposite sex, and as soon as you get out of school, the school immediately makes you anxious and defeated. When you are young, you are as smooth and mature as an adult, and when you grow up, you are required to be obedient and sensible like a child.
Usually compare you to the best children at every turn, and choose for yourself to be on par with the lowest standards. There are also those parents who know that their marriage is a chicken feather, and in turn want to persuade their children to start a family as soon as possible, sometimes you will find that their views and behaviors are simply outrageous double standards, but they themselves are unaware, because deep down, they always have a set of powerful explanation mechanisms that can justify themselves, a sentence is good for you, you can easily cover up all contradictions, and in the end you will never admit mistakes.
The most frustrating thing about Chinese parents is that many of them don't feel or are ashamed to admit that they have a problem. Some of them drown out the real needs of their children with self-sacrificing efforts, some make their children fall victim to comparison for the sake of face, and some of them control in the name of love, destroy boundaries, and make all decisions for their children from childhood to adulthood.
When children try to communicate their true feelings with them, hoping that the parent-child relationship will improve to some extent, the feedback of such parents is often indifferent, indifferent, or simply emotionally broken down and hysterical.
In fact, some parents finally find out what their problems are after many debates. But their sense of authority as parents still keeps them from lowering their heads. Isn't there such a saying, it's my mother's way of apologizing, that is, when I was crying under the quilt in my room and didn't dare to cry too loudly, she pushed open the door and called me to eat. In the eyes of such parents, it may already be a huge sacrifice to break the ice and actively interact with their children first. No matter how big the contradiction was, it was like a passing cloud, and it could be broken.
As everyone knows, these things will accumulate in the child little by little, like a thorn, the deeper it is pierced, the more painful it is. And the parents have long been in the wind, and the problems hidden behind them have never been solved. Of course, Haozi said so much, but it's not for you to take my content to find your parents to ask for guilt.
In the brain of decades of ideological imprints, in fact, you can easily change it with a little kid. The real purpose of this post is twofold, the first is that I found that many of us, even if you hate these behaviors of your parents, you still inherit some problems from your parents more or less when you grow up, and they are unconsciously brought to your children and your other half. This is a kind of inertia, a kind of subconscious transmission, so the average person cannot detect it.
This is also the significance of our research on the problems of the original family court. You will really see these problems, realize the impact of these problems on your behavior, and consciously correct them in your life, so as to avoid the continuation of these wrong patterns.
In addition, many people must have gone to their friends to confide in the problems of their families of origin and how they have been hurt. But the final point is always one thing, that is, why can't my parents be like other parents, why can other people's parents be friends with them? Why can other people's parents listen to reason?
You see, people who think this way actually want to change their parents. And Haozi, my most sincere advice to you is that you have to accept the imperfections of your parents, and you have to give up the obsession that turns them into your ideal parents.
When you grow up, use your best efforts to raise yourself again in the most correct way, this is the only way for you to redeem yourself. Click to follow, and we'll see you next time.
I am Haozi, who loves money and thinks about things, and I am your white moonlight and the person you can't get.