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Question: After reading Dream of Red Mansions, you will know that the biggest conflict between men and women about children is not about naming rights at all!
Text: Jiang Zi said the story.
In most people's cognition, the first purpose of marriage is to reproduce, that is, to have children. In thousands of years of traditional marriage, children are the continuation of a man's incense and a woman's guarantee for the elderly. Because they do not desire to have offspring, modern young people choose not to marry and have children.
In the story of "Dream of Red Mansions", Jia's mother was originally the eldest lady from the Shi family, known as Shi Taijun, she married Jia Daishan, the second generation of the Jia family's grandfather, and gave birth to Jia Yu, Jia Zheng, Jia Min Three children, after the death of her husband, the children got married and had babies, and Jia's mother, as the ancestor, was able to enjoy the joy of family.
After the death of Duke Rong, the eldest son Jia Daishan attacked the official, married the young lady of the Shihou family of Jinling Shixun, and gave birth to two sons: the eldest son Jia Yu and the second son Jia Zheng. Now Dai Shan has long passed away, and Mrs. Tai is still alive.The magistrate heard that Jia's mother naturally would not compete with her husband Jia Daishan for the naming rights of the child, because the titles taken by Jia Yu, including Jia Zheng's official position as a foreign officer, are all from her husband's family. Because she married into the Guogong Mansion, the blessing of the ancestors of Jiafu is now enjoyed by herself.Jia Mu said to everyone: "When I reach such an age, I don't know why I can't move." When my relatives came, I was afraid that people would laugh at me, and I wouldn't do it, but I chewed and ate two bites, slept for a while, and laughed with these grandchildren when I was bored. Grandma Liu smiled: "This is the blessing of the old lady." We can't do that. We are born to suffer, and old ladies are born to be happy. If we had done the same, no one would have done the work of the crops. ”
Zixing said: "The eldest son, Jia Yu, is attacking the official. The second son, Jia Zheng, likes to read since he was a child, and his grandfather loves it the most. Originally, he wanted to be born in Kejia, but when Dai Shan was dying, the emperor immediately ordered his eldest son to attack the official, asked how many sons there were, and immediately introduced him, so he gave the political father an additional title of director, so that he entered the ministry to study, and now he has been promoted to a foreign officer. ”In the story of "Dream of Red Mansions", Jia Baoyu, as the little ancestor of Rongguo Mansion, has been embroidered with a golden crown since he was a child, and in addition to the nurse Mama Li serving with him, there are six big girls such as Musk Yue, and eight little girls such as Jia Hui.
The magistrate heard that Mama Li and the eight big maids are all people who serve Jia Baoyu closely, and there are not only these people in Yihong Courtyard, but there are many layers of little maids and old grandmothers outside. If Jia Baoyu goes out, there are a large number of small servants such as Li Gui, the son of the nurse, and Mingyan, the scholar. It's really a proud and extravagant child.
Mingyan ate it early and shouted: "You guys don't come to do it yet!" "Baoyu also has three small servants: one is a hoe, one is red, and one is ink. None of these three is naughty? Outside, Li Gui and a few other big servants heard that they were revolting inside, and they all came in and drank together.Compared with Jia Baoyu, Jia Yun, who is also a descendant of the Jia family, is still ignorant of his father's age, leaving only one acre of land and two houses, and his partial uncle is also called "Bu Shiren", he has to fight children to make a living, begging people everywhere, and in order to find a way out, he is willing to be Jia Baoyu's son.
Baoyu smiled: "You are more and more provocative than first, but like my son." Jia Lian smiled: "I'm not ashamed!" Is someone four or five years older than you, and they will be your son? Jia Yun smiled and said: "As the saying goes, 'Grandpa in the car, grandson on crutches'." Although he is old, the mountain is no taller than the sun. Since my father is gone, there has been no one to take care of me for the past few years. If Uncle Bao doesn't think his nephew is stupid and thinks of him as a son, it will be my creation. ”In the story of "Dream of Red Mansions", Qingxuguan Guifei did a good deed, Jia's mother went to make incense, and the child of a small family hit Wang Xifeng because of cutting lantern flowers, and was knocked to the ground by Sister Feng in the face, she didn't care about the pain, she didn't care about picking up candles and scissors, she just wanted to run out, and she was almost taken down. Later, I met Jia's mother, kneeling in the ground and fighting, fortunately Jia's mother was kind, otherwise she wouldn't necessarily be embarrassed!
Coincidentally, there was a twelve- or thirteen-year-old little Taoist priest, holding a scissors tube, taking care of the wax flowers cut everywhere, and was about to hide it, not wanting to hit his head in Sister Feng'er's arms. Sister Feng raised her hand, looked at her face, beat the child into a somersault, and scolded: "Bison, Hu Chao ran there!" Just as Baochai and others got out of the car, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were surrounding the wind and rain, but when they saw a little Taoist priest rolling out, they all shouted "Take, take, take!" Hit, hit, hit! ”In the story of "Dream of Red Mansions", Ban'er is only five or six years old, but he is going to be taken by Grandma Liu to fight the autumn breeze in the Houmen Mansion, and he was taught a few words by Grandma Liu before going out, and later made a fuss about him and begged Wang Xifeng to give him some silver.
Here Grandma Liu was calm, and then said: "I brought your nephew here today, not for anything else, just because his old son and mother are at home, and they don't even have anything to eat." If it's cold again today, the more you want to have no leader, you have to take your nephew to run to your old age. As he spoke, he pushed the board and said, "How did your father teach you at home?" Send us to do evil? Just eat the fruit. ”In the story of "Dream of Red Mansions", the child of Ximenqing's family, Xiao Tieba, played in the garden, picked up Pan Jinlian's shoes, changed circles with Chen Jingji, and was beaten half to death.
Yulou said: "Speaking of shoes again, this is not a tongue, Sister Li is listening here." Yesterday, because you lost this shoe, his father beat him with a small iron rod, saying that he was beaten and lay on the ground and died for a long time. It's good to provoke a young man who is not scolded in the back. ”In contrast, how kind of pampered is Li Bei'er's child? provoked Pan Jinlian to scold behind her back, "A urine bubble seed in her arms, plain to her family, if you have money and nowhere to show it", she later took the gold to the official brother to play, and was taken away by the subordinates, and was sent a message behind Pan Jinlian's back.
Pan Jinlian told Yueniang: "Sister, look at the three-inch goods that make a living! No matter how rich your family is, you should not use gold to play with your children. Who knew he was **! Before you saw it, he brought in from the outside and wrapped it in the sleeves of his jacket, just like the eight barbarians entering the treasure. I asked him what it was, and I brought it to me and took a look. The head didn't look back, but kept running to the house. Even if your family is a king, you can't do it. A piece of gold, weighing at least ten to two taels, is also worth fifty or sixty taels of silver. ”At this point, everyone must have discovered that the rich family gives birth to children, and they can't wait to give the gold and silver mountains to the children, the cost is countless times that of the poor families to have children, and the poor families can't wait to have a child, and they can give themselves gold and silver when they are young.
In fact, the cost of a mother raising a baby is more than ten times the cost of a father raising a baby. Dad raises a baby, adds a pair of chopsticks to pull down, it is too much to spend three or five hundred a month on the child, and the mother is too little to spend three or five thousand a month on the child. When a mother takes a baby, the child must be under her nose 24 hours a day, and her ears listen to the child's movements at any time; Dad takes the baby, goes out to play cards all day long, and the child leaves it at home to play by himself.
As a result, men are tired of raising babies and raising babies according to women's requirements, and women feel that the price I pay for raising babies is more than ten times that of your whole family combined, and it is good to leave the purely redundant man's family. Men with babies are born with Buddha lying flat; Women with babies are naturally pessimistic and nervous. Men are accustomed to casual fate, and they directly throw their children to the old man for a few years or more with peace of mind. Women always want to be sure, but how can there be foolproof? Women are often countless times more tired than men in marriage.
In the end, it is often the man who desperately snatches the child, and then free-range, leaving the child to fend for himself. The child with a mother is a treasure, and the fifth and sixth grades are also picked up and dropped off to school, and the children who follow their fathers learn to go to school by themselves in kindergarten, just like the children of poor families are in charge of the house. After the mother's divorce, she saw a sensible and well-behaved child, she was relieved, distressed, and more helpless.
How to get married and have children, you and your children can live well, and who is the surname of the child to fight for? If most men's requirements for marriage are that they don't need to pay anything except for the extra half of the bed, the woman must give them the family heirloom, do filial piety for him, contract housework, and make money to raise a baby together, if women and children are not allowed to have other requirements except not to be starved to death and frozen to death, but also to be angry with the man's whole family, what motivation does a woman have to get married and have a baby?
The information in this article is mainly quoted from: "Dream of Red Mansions" Cheng Gaoben, "Fat Yan Zhai Complete Commentary on the Stone Record".