Hello, I'm Wabao.
A few days ago, a friend complained to me about her blind date experience, which opened my eyes.
Although more than half a month has passed, she still gets angry every time she thinks about it.
The following is narrated by Gong Jing and sorted out by Wabao).
My name is Gong Jing, I am from the countryside of southern Gansu, I am in my early 30s this year, I am medium-looking and gentle, and I am engaged in foreign trade work in Shenzhen.
Because since I was a child, I gave the impression that my neighbor next door was very homely, and I never brought a male friend home.
didn't go back to the village like other people to brag about themselves and talk about a few more people.
Therefore, the uncle and brother next door even thought that I had not even held the boy's hand, and they were all "anxious" for me.
Two months before the Chinese New Year, my cousin introduced me to a boy from a neighboring city who was a few years older than me.
I thought to myself, I am the only daughter in the family, my family is not well-off, and my parents are also old, although I once thought about marrying far away, but I had to give up this idea due to reality.
I think that since it was enthusiastically introduced by my cousin, I might as well try it, even if it doesn't work, it won't spoil the good intentions of others.
So he agreed.
Because I was in Shenzhen, the man worked in his hometown, so they added WeChat to each other and sent each other photos of their lives.
My impression of this boy is still quite good, he looks thin but not very active, and many times I find topics, so I don't know what he thinks in his heart.
As a girl, I don't take the initiative to ask people what their impression of me is, so I chatted with each other.
And so it went on until the Spring Festival.
When I came home for the Chinese New Year, my cousin asked me how we were talking.
I said that we only talked once every few days, and each time we talked for a short time, it was a courtesy greeting.
I also told my cousin that he was not very active and would not be able to find topics, and also expressed his idea of wanting to see everywhere.
She said that this boy is a bit introverted, otherwise he would not be in his 30s and unmarried.
She said, since you want to try it yourself, then take the initiative, many blind dates are like this, there must always be one party who takes the initiative.
When you are acquainted, the conversation box will be opened.
I nodded my head in response, but I didn't dare to tell her that he knew that I was on vacation in my hometown, but he didn't mean to ask me to meet at all.
When my cousin left, I said, while everyone is free during the Spring Festival holiday, I asked him to meet you, and online chat is never a thing.
Two days later, the boy sent a message saying that he wanted to make an appointment.
Ask me if I'm available.
I replied that yes and sent him the location.
The next day, the fourth day of the Lunar New Year, I got up and received a message from him after breakfast, saying that he had reached the entrance of the village.
I cleaned up a little, carried the souvenirs I had grown and walked to the entrance of the village.
He stood in front of a white car and looked left and right, and his thin appearance was not much different from the ** sent to me on WeChat.
I went up to him and confirmed that he handed me the candy gifts that I had prepared, and I also gave him the special products I had grown at home, which was a kind of ritual.
I invited him over for a cup of hot tea, and he said he was a little embarrassed to come for the first time, so he might as well find another place to sit.
Seeing him say this, I didn't force it.
So, we drove to the county seat.
Maybe my cousin told him my feedback before, and he talked a lot when I was walking by the river that day.
For lunch, we chose a western restaurant.
During the meal, he talked about his family background, his views on the behavior of blind dates, and his view of marriage.
I also expressed my opinion at the appropriate time.
This time, we seemed to have a good conversation.
At about 3 p.m., we ended our first "date" and he took me home.
In the car, he became less talkative.
I didn't force a topic, so I looked out the window, and from time to time I looked back at his face.
The car drove down the highway without hurrying.
Outside the car window, the sunset was beautiful. I stared at the fiery clouds in front of me, as if I had returned to the scene of playing with kaleidoscopes when I was a child, pure and beautiful.
When I got home, my siblings came to me and asked me how I felt, and said that I didn't want to be so high, and that I was almost right.
I said yes and thought to myself, it turns out that they have always thought that I was left because I was very demanding.
Strange to say, he didn't send me a message for a few days after that, and no one at home mentioned it again.
They were surprisingly unanimous.
On the seventh day of junior high school, I left for Shenzhen to work.
While waiting for the flight, I took the initiative to send a message to tell him to go back to Shenzhen now and go to work tomorrow.
After about half an hour, he replied with an oh word and nothing else.
At that moment, I understood, but without any mood swings.
Because of the signs of the past few days, I have a premonition.
When I returned to Shenzhen, because there were a lot of things to deal with at the beginning of the year, I didn't have time to contact him, and he didn't take the initiative to find me, so I slowly forgot about it.
I talked to my mother on the weekend night, and we talked about it while talking, and she asked me for confirmation by the way.
My mother said that after I returned to Shenzhen, she went to my cousin's house and was attacked by a group as soon as I entered the house.
The uncles scolded her and my dad in loud voices, saying how they raised their children, embarrassed their own family, and made others uncomfortable.
He also said that he would not introduce me to someone in the future, so I would find it myself.
My mom was so confused that she couldn't defend herself.
Hearing my mother say this, I was even more confused by the second monk.
My mom said that after sending me back that day, he immediately sent a message to my cousin saying that it was not appropriate.
When my cousin asked him why, he said that my words were full of disdain and disrespect for his development in his hometown, and that I thought that I would be superior to others in the big city.
He also said that the views on marriage revealed in my speech were simply unheard of, and every moment with me was like a year, and I really couldn't accept it.
As I listened to my mother's story, I reviewed the details of the meeting that day, making sure that I had never spoken or shown the kind of aggressive language he had spoken in his words.
The more I listened, the more angry I became.
I can't imagine that a boy would do such a thing and slander a girl out of nothing.
I thought to myself, even if he didn't feel it, even if he was forced to meet me on a blind date for various reasons, it shouldn't be like this.
According to the time my mom told me, he probably hadn't arrived home yet, and he couldn't wait to complain to my cousin halfway through.
This kind of framing is really clever.
As for this matter, the people on my side did not ask me about the specific situation when I was not out, and blindly listened to what outsiders said.
When I went back to Shenzhen, I was angry with my parents.
This is the first real blind date in my life, although it is more or less forced, but if I am really so lucky to meet my lover once, I don't think it's anything.
But I never expected to meet such a scumbag.
What annoys me even more is that the so-called family members on my side do not understand the reason, nor do they believe in the well-behaved and polite "relatives" who grew up, but would rather choose to believe the words of outsiders.
Just because my parents are honest and incompetent?
My parents are loyal and honest farmers, and they naturally don't believe that their children can offend people by saying such insulting things.
Besides, I really didn't say anything to embarrass him that day, and I didn't look down on him because he was developing in his hometown.
I'm glad he didn't disguise himself after the meeting that day.
Otherwise, you may be blinded by his appearance, and therefore fall into it.
But his meanness made me see the essence of the matter of introducing someone to a relative:
1. It's done, and everyone is happy.
2. It is done, they rejoice, and they are wronged.
3. No, it's definitely your own problem. It is likely that various attacks will follow, and soon the back will be poked into a hornet's nest by them.
If it's serious, he'll be scolded by his family.
Among my friends, the first case is very rare.
The third case should be quite a lot, but basically digest it by yourself and do not spread it.
Only the second type, without the authority himself, can be seen by others at a glance, and the first driving force behind it is often "almost done" by others.
I don't know how many seemingly ordinary and casual words from others have directly or indirectly contributed to the coming together of two people who have no emotional foundation.
How many people have silently accepted the uneasy marriage and changed the trajectory of their lives?
In my hometown, I saw with my own eyes that the neighbors ignored their children, and even started to fight each other for the first two days.
I often hear that a certain classmate is divorced, because he has no emotional foundation at all, and he can't make do with it.
In Shenzhen, there are no less than 6-7 temporary couples in the 20 or so households that I rent and live in apartments on the same floor, excluding unmarried couples on both sides.
I also witnessed a left-behind woman with a two- or three-year-old child coming from her hometown in Hunan Province to make trouble.
It is said that after a while the man relented, he mixed with the woman and moved to a nearby urban village.
I once saw a story about a little girl who worked in the county court, and her daily job was to deal with divorce indictments, and there were hundreds of cases piled up every month.
She found that the people who came to the divorce revealed a common commonality in the paperwork information: acquaintance on a blind date.
Most of those who come to handle the divorce will basically write the complaint because they have been together for too short a time, or they have been introduced by someone and have not got along with each other to get along with each other without much understanding.
It's just that at that time, I felt that the age relationship and conditions were appropriate.
It turns out that there are all sorts of problems, and it's too late.
Therefore, many times I wonder what is the meaning of this kind of marriage that is combined because of age, family background, proximity to parents, etc., coupled with the sentence "almost done" promoted by others, just for the sake of passing on the ancestry, for the sake of the parents' faces, and in order to escape the strange eyes of others, and gamble with one's own life?
I don't know when or where this "dangerous" thought of mine came about.
It's just that after witnessing too many unhappy marriages, I've learned to look at it with a more rational eye.
Just like Mao Buyi said on a variety show, I believe that there is true love in this world, but I don't believe that true love will come to me.
I also believe that there are many happy marriages in this world, but I don't believe that this kind of marriage that is united at the cost of wronging oneself can last long.
At least in today's environment, it's hard.
So, I don't dare to have any illusions.
Although the mood tone is a bit dark, it is the truest thought in my heart after seeing too many marital tragedies.
Regarding the topic of urging marriage, it can be said that it has been in the limelight in recent years.
The words from family, relatives, and friends, intentionally or unintentionally, add another marital anxiety to young men and women who are under economic pressure and want to make money to achieve financial freedom.
Unfortunately, I've been caught up in it myself.
Now that I think about it, it's really not necessary.
Especially when you meet the kind of person who is full of your good and closes your mouth so that your vision is not too high, and you are almost done, it is better to quickly escape from the chat scene.
Just like the online poem called "Persuasion" wrote: People with unhappy marriages came to persuade me to start a family early; People who are happily married will only feed me **.
After all, marriage is the result of affection, not synonymous with making do with life!
This article was first published on WeChat***Youwa Vision", infringement must be investigated **10,000 fans incentive plan