On February 8, 1994, Ji Xianlin and his son Ji Cheng had a fierce quarrel. At that time, Ji Xianlin's wife, Peng Dehua, had been hospitalized for more than two months.
Ji Cheng came to help tidy up the living room, but his father found that a pot of Junzi Orchid was missing, Ji Xianlin thought that his son threw it, and was very angry. Ji Cheng also broke out instantly because of the resentment over the years, and the two quarreled fiercely.
After this quarrel, the father and son had a conflict, and Ji Xianlin asked his son to leave his home, and did not contact him again until Peng Dehua's death. Since then, the father and son have turned against each other and have not seen each other for 13 years.
Ji Xianlin, known as an international master of orientalism, linguist and educator, is proficient in 12 Chinese languages. He served as the vice president of Peking University and became the only tenured professor of the university, and was highly respected and praised as a master of Chinese studies, a master of academic circles, and a national treasure.
However, after Ji Xianlin's death, his son Ji Cheng criticized his father in the book, saying that he didn't know Ji Xianlin, the so-called master of Chinese studies, but felt that his father was lonely and lonely in the hustle and bustle of academic pursuit.
Ji admits that Ji Xianlin is a failed life, a wanderer, a lonely, lonely, stingy, and ruthless literati. So, what exactly is the contradiction between the father and son?
What is the truth?
The beginning of life often determines a person's traits and character. Ji Xianlin, a child born in a poor rural area in Shandong, developed the habit of thrift and frugality through the hard experience of his childhood.
However, the incompleteness of the family and the life under the fence also made Ji Xianlin's heart indifferent and his family concept was weak. He was grateful to his uncle for his nurturing kindness, but for him, the experience didn't bring much emotional connection.
Still, Ji Xianlin's upbringing is worth pondering, as each of us may encounter similar challenges and difficulties at a certain stage of life.
Ji Xianlin's life transition: his uncle's gift and the pain of an arranged marriage Ji Xianlin mentioned in his memoirs that his fate changed dramatically because of his uncle's gift.
In the college entrance examination in 1930, he was admitted to both Peking University and Tsinghua University, but finally chose Tsinghua University, specializing in Western literature. However, at this moment, his uncle arranged a marriage for Ji Xianlin.
The woman's name is Peng Dehua, 4 years older than Ji Xianlin, and she has only studied in primary school. Although Ji Xianlin liked the fourth lady of the Peng family "Sister He" in his heart, the Peng family married Sister He to Liu Shaoyan, the son of a wealthy family, and married Peng Dehua to Ji Xianlin.
Ji Xianlin felt bitter about this arranged marriage, and he had no choice under the fence. He wrote in the "Tsinghua Garden Diary": "I think of the future ......Of course, the future is bleak, and with such a family, what happiness is there in a lifetime? ”
However, Ji Xianlin did not give up because of this, he eventually completed his studies in Tsinghua Park, became a high school teacher, and began to save money for travel expenses, planning to study abroad on his own.
Although Ji Xianlin was bitter about the arranged marriage, his uncle still hoped that he would be able to pass on the lintel and pass on the lineage. Therefore, Peng Dehua gave birth to his daughter Ji Wanru and son Ji Cheng after marriage, and completed his uncle's task, and Ji Xianlin was also relieved.
Overall, Ji Xianlin's life experience is full of twists and challenges, and through his own hard work and perseverance, he finally realized his dreams and goals.
In 1935, Ji Xianlin went abroad for further study as an exchange student between Tsinghua University and a German university, and originally planned to study for two years. However, due to the outbreak of the Sino-Japanese War and World War II, he was forced to stay in Germany, which was 11 years.
During this time, Ji Xianlin's uncle lost his job, and the family lost their finances. His sons and daughters had to help with the matchboxes and supplement the family. His wife worked hard and took on household chores such as cooking, making clothes, making shoes, and doing laundry.
Ji Xianlin's wife not only has to take care of her family, but also has to deal with bullying by her relatives. When her son Ji Cheng grew up, he was very sad about his mother's situation at that time, and he could not share his mother's pain and loneliness.
When Ji Xianlin left home, his daughter was only 2 years old and his son was only 3 months old, and they grew up without a father. Whenever relatives and friends ask about their father, they feel confused and lost.
They want to know what kind of person their father is.
1.Irmgard, the daughter of a landlord when Ji Xianlin was studying at the University of Göttingen, helped Ji Xianlin print a doctor**, and at the same time formed an unforgettable love with him.
Although Ji Xianlin later chose to return to his wife and children, Irmgard never married and was always waiting for his return. 2.On the road to pursue a doctorate, Ji Xianlin met Irmgard.
Irmgard's help allowed Ji Xianlin to successfully complete the printing of Dr.**, and the relationship between the two deepened. However, Ji Xianlin chose to return to his family after the end of World War II, leaving Irmgard alone.
Despite this, Irmgard still chooses to wait, her love is so deep and innocent. 3.In Ji Xianlin's academic path, Irmgard was his assistant and his friend.
In the process of printing**, the relationship between the two gradually deepened. However, Ji Xianlin chose to return to his family after the end of World War II, leaving Irmgard alone.
Despite this, Irmgard still chooses to wait, her love is so deep and innocent. 4.While studying at the University of Göttingen, Ji Xianlin met Irmgard.
Irmgard's help allowed Ji Xianlin to successfully complete the printing of Dr.**, and the relationship between the two deepened. However, Ji Xianlin chose to return to his family after the end of World War II, leaving Irmgard alone.
Despite this, Irmgard still chooses to wait, her love is so deep and innocent.
In 1946, Ji Xianlin was appointed as a full professor at Peking University and concurrently served as the head of the Department of Oriental Languages and Literatures of the Faculty of Letters. Although he has been working in Beijing for a long time and sends money home every month, he returns to Jinan to reunite with his family during the summer and winter vacations every year.
For 16 years, from 1946 to 1962, Ji Xianlin and his wife were separated. Ji Cheng wrote to his father many times, hoping that he could bring his mother to Beijing so that they could take care of each other.
However, Ji Xianlin said resolutely: "There is no affection between me and your mother. Although Ji Cheng had attended Peking University, graduated from the Russian Language Institute, and worked as a senior engineer at the Institute of High Energy Physics, he visited his father alone several times during his time in Beijing.
Every time they met, Ji Xianlin only cared about his son's learning at school, and never asked about his life and future plans. This made Ji Cheng feel that his father was very strange to him and very indifferent.
Once, Ji Cheng borrowed a camera from his father, but was refused. Ji Xianlin later regretted it, and asked his son many times how much it cost to buy a camera, and expressed his willingness to buy it for him.
However, Ji Seung decided to exchange his coat for a camera with a classmate, showing his stubbornness and independence.
In 1962, Ji Xianlin's uncle died, and Ji Cheng insisted on taking his uncle and grandmother to Beijing in order to take care of them. At that time, Ji Xianlin really reunited with his wife and had a home.
Peking University specially gave Ji Xianlin Building 13 of Langrun Garden in Yan Garden and gave him a double spring bed. But Ji Xianlin was used to living alone, so he replaced the bed with two single beds, one in the bedroom to sleep on himself, and one in the living room for his wife to sleep in.
Seeing his mother sleeping in the living room, Ji Cheng felt very uncomfortable: "Whenever I see my mother sleeping alone in the living room, my sister and I feel very uncomfortable, but at that time, our family had just reunited, and we didn't say anything in order not to make any extraneous branches." ”
Mr. and Mrs. Ji Xianlin and their children visit their parents' home every week to help with household chores. But Ji Xianlin has some confusing habits. He insisted that the children not be allowed to clean with tap water, but instead asked them to draw water from the lake.
He was also very frugal and opposed the purchase of appliances such as washing machines and refrigerators. Sometimes, he would also abruptly turn off the lights and TV while his family was chatting, which was embarrassing. In addition, he did not allow others to change his clothes and bed linen for him, claiming that his clothes were durable enough.
Ji admits that these behaviors are all due to Ji Xianlin's frugality and reluctance to spend money. He will give his wife a certain amount of living expenses every month, but no longer ask whether it is enough. If it is insufficient, he uses his savings to fill it.
Although he was stingy with his family, he was very generous to outsiders. Whether it is an aunt, a caregiver or a student's child, he will not hesitate to provide assistance, whether it is a few thousand yuan or tens of thousands of yuan.
His social donations are also very generous. Ji Xianlin's attitude towards outsiders is kind and approachable. However, at home, he is always cold and unconcerned about his family's affairs.
He didn't care about the children's affairs.
Ji Xianlin and his son had a dispute over flowers, and there is a hidden story behind it! Ji Cheng had a good relationship with Ji Xianlin's little nanny, which made Ji Xianlin dissatisfied, coupled with his son's dissatisfaction with his mother's attitude towards his mother and family, the conflict between father and son had accumulated for a long time and finally broke out!
Two days before Peng Dehua's death, Ji Xianlin quarreled with his son again over the hospitalization fee, and kicked his son out of the house in a fit of rage. Ji Cheng later realized that his father had opinions about him, not only because of his relationship with the little nanny, but also because of his deep love and filial piety to his mother.
Ji Xianlin has experienced a series of blows in his life, his aunt, daughter, wife, and son-in-law have died one after another, and his grandson, granddaughter, and grandson have also left him, and the only thing that accompanies him is a cat.
However, when he needed help the most, a woman named Li Yujie came into his life. She is Ji Xianlin's former subordinate, sociable and good at talking.
She took the initiative to take care of Ji Xianlin, acted as his assistant and family manager, and gained his trust. However, during Ji Xianlin's long-term hospitalization due to physical reasons, the hospital reported critical illness several times.
Li Yujie has been hiding it, and even prevented Ji Xianlin's relatives and students from coming to visit. This made Ji Xianlin feel lonely and helpless, and he wrote in an article: "I have been sick in the hospital for several years, and no one in my relatives seems to really care about me.
They joined forces to spread rumors and make trouble, which made me feel pressured. Therefore, I often say that I have no children, and I have doubts about the origin of the bloodline. This experience made Ji Xianlin deeply appreciate the warmth and coldness of the world.
Ji Cheng works at the "China Advanced Science and Technology Center", and every day he commutes to and from work, he passes by his father's hospital. He wanted to see his father several times, but he encountered many difficulties.
It wasn't until 2008 that there was a sudden incident of "Ji Xianlin's collection being stolen and sold", and the clue pointed to Li Yujie. After investigation, Ji Cheng found that "it was none other than the so-called secretary Li Yujie, who seemed to have worked hard for more than ten years by his side, who stole his father's cultural relics." ”
At this time, he realized that it was not his father's intention to not see him for many years. Their relationship became strained for various reasons, and more than a decade of estrangement kept their hearts away from each other.
In this case, people can easily be taken advantage of by others, and the results can be overwhelming.
I haven't seen you in years, and I'm here to apologize to you, Dad. "Ji Cheng looked at the old man in front of him, saw that he was much older, and asked softly"What's your sin, I've been thinking about you all these years. "
Ji Xianlin smiled and said"Actually, I've always wanted to see you, but I've always had all kinds of difficulties. For 13 years, I have passed by the hospital every day on my commute to work, and I have made many special trips to the hospital, but I have never been able to get in. "
After listening to this, Ji Cheng's heart was full of emotion, and he replied in a choked voice"I know why there are so many obstacles, but I still want to come and meet you. "
Ji Cheng would go to the hospital every day to accompany his father and take care of him. He is already married to his nanny, Ma Xiaoqin, and gave birth to a boy in July last year. This little boy is 97 years old with Ji Xianlin.
The full house of children and grandchildren brought great comfort to Ji Xianlin's old age. Ji Cheng said: "In the last eight months of our relationship, there was no resentment between my father and me, and we got along in an atmosphere of understanding.
This time is full of warmth and genuine affection, and it is the most harmonious time between our father and son. The father and son untied the knot, and Ji Cheng became the sole proprietor of his father's estate.
On November 18, 2008, Ji Xianlin wrote a note to Li Yujie: "Please give all the items you have kept, such as my diary, manuscripts, calligraphy and paintings, money, and gifts, to Ji Cheng and Ji Qing."
Thank you! On July 10, 2009, Ji Cheng came to the hospital as usual, reading the newspaper and rubbing his arm for his father Ji Xianlin. However, when Ji Cheng was about to attend a meeting at half past four in the afternoon, he said to his father: "I can't have dinner with you today, and I will come to see you tomorrow." ”
On weekdays, Ji Xianlin always urges Ji Cheng to go back early, because Ji Cheng still has a big family to take care of. However, Ji Xianlin did not urge Ji Cheng to leave as usual that day, his eyes revealed a kind of nostalgia, reluctance and fear.
At nine o'clock in the morning the next day, Ji Xianlin died in the hospital at the age of 98. Ji Cheng recalled the last time he and his father met, and said bitterly: "If I knew that it was the last time we met, I would definitely always be by my father's side and never leave." ”
Ji Cheng's memoir "My Father Ji Xianlin and Me" has aroused heated discussions. He wrote in the book that the Ji Xianlin he knew was not the so-called "master of Chinese studies" in everyone's mouth, but an old man who was cold and lonely in the pursuit of the academic community.
Ye Kuangzheng's comments reveal how Ji Xianlin's painful experiences in his early years shaped his character and led to his failure in life. These comments made some readers express their dissatisfaction with Ji Cheng's unfilial behavior, and some people also appreciated his frankness, allowing everyone to see a real Ji Xianlin and the Ji family.
Ji Cheng made it clear in an interview that his purpose in writing this book is to let people know the real Ji Xianlin and the Ji family, not to avoid anything. He believes that it is not right to avoid it, because his father Ji Xianlin is not a god, but a person.
He also does not shy away from some of the true feelings of himself and his family, because he believes that doing so will not cause harm to everyone, but will get more understanding and support.
Ji Xianlin: He struggled with love and responsibility all his life, his family concept was indifferent, he was only grateful to his adoptive parents, he had no love for his wife, and he was indifferent and alienated from his children. His childhood experiences led to his indifference to his family, which also affected his children, who were resentful.
Ji Cheng said: "Congenital deficiency is the root cause of our family's misfortune. The father and son broke up because of a moment of whim, and outsiders took advantage of the situation, causing them to not see each other for 13 years.