Maybe you've just gone through a breakup, but you're not enjoying being single as much as you think.
You may be thinking about getting back together with your ex, but is it really a good idea for you to get back together?
If wanting to get back together is a deliberate decision, have you ever thought about why you want to get back together?
And "wanting to get back together" doesn't mean "being able to get back together", have you ever thought about what the relationship looks like after getting back together?
In today's article, I would like to start with these two questions, hoping to point you in the right direction.
Why do you want to get back together?
When a relationship ends, it can cause distress to those involved.
Especially for you who want to get back together, the feeling of longing or wanting the other person may persist.
When you begin to reach out and get to know other people, you may crave more of the previous comfortable relationships.
After all, it's not easy to date new people, and they can make you wonder if your previous relationship was really bad.
When you think he already has a new love, feelings of jealousy can also make you want to get closer to your ex.
But it's not the only emotion that may play a role, loneliness, sadness, guilt, and fear of being alone may also prompt you to want to get back together.
When these feelings come at you, it may be easier to stay in the wrong relationship than to handle everything independently.
When you believe that your partner has made positive changes, you may want to get back together because you see hope.
You realize that your ex has matured or developed a healthy communication pattern.
If you have the same positive changes as he does, then this will help to strengthen your relationship.
For some people, they have the wrong perception that since they choose to break up, it means that they are no longer in love.
In fact, many couples choose to break up, but they still love each other deeply.
When they can't suppress their love for their ex, they will have a strong desire to get back together.
Maybe you go through an important moment in your life with someone, so you may develop a strong attachment to him.
But missing your ex and wanting to return to a familiar and comfortable place doesn't mean getting back together is the right decision.
I think when you're thinking about getting back together, ask yourself first:Why do relationships break up?
You may want to get back together because you're lonely, but there's a reason for breaking up.
Being honest about the reasons for your breakup can help you answer whether getting back together is a good idea or not.
Reflect on whether the issue that led to the breakup has been resolved, whether it is a change for you or him.
Will these changes lead to different relationship dynamics later on?
If not, then it's best to get over the pain of the breakup, adjust yourself and try to find someone who is more suitable for you.
You can also ask the following questions:
How will getting back together with my ex improve my life?
How do we feel when we're together?
Now that we've broken up, how do I feel?
The more we can understand what it's like to experience intimacy, the better we can make the right decisions.
Dig deeper into the real motivation you want to get back together, is this desire from fear, or from love?
Don't want to get back together just because you're afraid of being lonely or hate being single, maybe getting back together can be an easy way to ease these painful feelings, but it doesn't solve the problem that led to the breakup.
What does a reunited relationship look like?
Make an honest assessment of yourself and the relationship before deciding to redeem to determine how you feel about the relationship as a whole.
It's best to prioritize your mental health and not rush into any decisions and actions.
Don't let your relationship become a source of pain or discomfort for your ex, and even family and friends can remember that the two of you had a lot of truly enjoyable times together.
Try to understand why you broke up in the first place
Before moving on to the next stage, you really have to reflect on the reasons for the breakup in the first place and get to know them in depth.
Think hard about why you ended up breaking up, and did you solve those problems? Are they still a problem?
If yes, how would you approach them differently now?
Take the time to look at the big picture and understand what your relationship is like and how the two of you have changed to make sure you're moving in the right direction together.
Don't make decisions based solely on feelings and feelings, as they are sure to fluctuate over time.
Otherwise, once the feelings subside again, you may end up in the same situation.
Make sure the compound is for the right reasons
Before reconciling with their ex, both parties should ask themselves why they took this step.
After all, you may have different motivations for wanting to build a relationship.
There's a reason why your relationship didn't work out the first time, and something had to change to make it possible for the second time to work.
So make sure that everyone wants to repair the relationship for the right reasons, and that this breakup doesn't cast a dark shadow over the relationship.
People don't make changes without making an effort to change and showing how, which means people don't change themselves for no reason unless they can gain something, so be prepared to be honest about what you want out of a compound relationship.
It's important that both people agree on what they want and honestly assess whether you'll be able to meet each other's expectations.
And your expectations are realistic and feasible, otherwise it breeds conflict in itself.
Don't expect the problem to go away after compounding
There may be some important issues that make your relationship not very good at the beginning, of course people will change, but no one is perfect, and your new relationship will not be perfect.
Unless the problem is relatively simple (e.g. someone is unemployed and now has a job), most problems will not simply go away, and this is not something that can be solved by saying "let's start over".
If you've been apart for a while and have learned to appreciate only the parts of the relationship that you like, it's easy to get overly emotional.
Once you start missing your partner, idealize the relationship.
The important thing is that idealized relationships do not mean that there are no problems with relationshipsIt's just that people selectively ignore those problems until they gradually surface after the "honeymoon period".
Eliminate mistakes in past relationships
You may repeat what the other person said during a heated argument, but if you can get back together, you can't punish each other for past mistakes.
If you dwell on the traumas and pains of the past, there will be no room for new relationships. You may never be able to get rid of the past, and it doesn't allow you to create good things in the future.
Think of it as an invisible barrier between you, and the process of reuniting requires removing the barriers that you can't see, as they will always prevent you from experiencing true intimacy.
Once you've put everything on the table and repaired the rifts, you can't bring things up again or hurt each other in an argument.
Stay curious and keep dating
It's not hard to settle into your daily routine after getting back together, but it's important to stay curious and keep dating if you want your new relationship to be successful.
During this time of breakup, your partner may have undergone significant changes, so don't assume that you know everything about him.
Be curious and take the time to get to know him again. No matter how busy your life is, taking some time out to dedicate your heart to your partner is a key ingredient in a healthy relationship.
The development and prosperity of relationships requires a sustained effort, not regular spot checks, to prevent stagnation.
For example, on a regular date night every week, put away your phone, have dinner together, watch a movie, and go out for a walk together.
It's important to keep your commitments, which reflect the importance you place on your relationship and are able to provide each other with a sense of security that allows you to maintain a close emotional connection.
Make time for friends
Meeting up and dating friends regularly can help create a space of your own outside of your relationship.
Having your partner be an important part of your world, but not your whole world, goes a long way in establishing a healthy emotional balance in the relationship and avoiding over-dependence.
We have a responsibility to control our emotions, and it's crucial to understand that your partner can't "make you whole."
Your partner will not be responsible for your well-beingAs ridiculous as it may sound, it's important to realize that only you are responsible for your emotional state and how you want to feel on a daily basis.
Once you realize that you can take full control of your feelings and take responsibility for self-regulation, your relationships can develop into healthier, happier relationships and truly give them a second chance.
Nip old habits in the bud
No matter how hard you try, you will inevitably fall into some old habits that lead to conflict.
The question is not "if" you will get stuck in, but "when" you will get into it, and it's best to be honest about it and plan for it.
It's more important than ever to be able to immediately realize this pattern after compounding, and like a disease, the sooner you detect it, the better your chances of survival.
Old habits can be changed, and it's normal to develop them. And new behaviors must be used and practiced consistently to become habits, which takes time.
It is important to recognize what is happening and stay calm, think about how to change old habits and communicate solutions to each other.
**10,000 Fans Incentive PlanSummary
What should I do if I want to get back together?
When you start thinking about it, have you ever thought about why you want to get back together?
Is it because you're afraid of being alone, or you want him to take responsibility for your pain, or if you find that you still love him.
Making sure you are clear about what you want from your reunited relationship can help you make the right decisions and behaviors.
Have you ever envisioned the future? Have you ever thought about what a reunited relationship will look like?
It may be that you already know why the relationship failed in the first place, that you have realized that you need to change, and that there has been positive change, and you have started to develop new habits and be able to apply them to the new relationship.
You need to realize that others will not be responsible for your happiness, and you also need to be responsible for your own emotions and future.
Once you are able to do this, then you are likely to get back together with your ex and have a happier and healthier relationship, and importantly, it takes time and patience to do this.