Two days ago, I saw a message in a private message, which read: "Teacher, I have a very important question for you. I have been with my boyfriend for more than two years, I met him through a friend, I was very happy with him the first time I saw him, and I liked him even more after we got together. I can feel that he is a very responsible person and treats me very well, but one thing, when we had a relationship recently, he actually called the name of her first girlfriend. It makes me very broken and puzzled, if he can't forget his ex, why start with me? I can't accept the thought that every time he might look at me, but what is in his mind is her first love. I asked him afterwards, but he didn't go into details. I only knew that they were together when they were in college, and they had been in love for less than half a year, and they had never had a relationship, and they assured me that nothing like this would happen again in the future. However, I am very mindful and scared, what should I do? Teacher, should I break up? “
1. I haven't slept before, so it's more memorable
Every man's first love is unforgettable, whether they had a relationship at the time or not, which involves the first experience of emotion and unfinished psychological characteristics. Everyone's first time is important, it can bring us a sense of excitement such as exploration, novelty, conquest, and even influence every time we follow.
Just like your childhood friends are learning to ride a bicycle, your curiosity, fear, and resistance before learning are the joy of learning success. Or maybe you just didn't succeed in your studies after everything you went through before, and when you became an adult, you just felt a little envious when you saw that others could ride a bike.
This is the emotional value and the impact of unfinished events on men. The reason why your boyfriend hasn't forgotten him is also this principle, which can only show that he has paid a lot for his first love and has high expectations, but he didn't go to the end because of some obstacles. At this stage, he is full of curiosity and wants to get his first love in the past.
Second, should you break up?
It depends on how high your demand for the relationship is, what the bottom line is, and how much you are worth.
Need: If you love each other very much, and your relationship is stable, and there has been no big problem, then there is no need for you to break up at all.
Bottom line: He shouted the name of his first love, this psychological state is understandable, but it depends on what your bottom line is, for example, some people can't accept their partner's physical cheating, some people can't accept soul cheating, and some can't accept both.
Value: Whether it is from the entanglement of your handling of the relationship, or from the analysis of the other party's uncontrollable and thrilling behavior, your value is not higher than that of this man.
If you are a woman of ** value, then you probably can't tolerate sand in your eyes, and they all say that your first love is unforgettable, and unforgettable does not mean that you can't forget, and it doesn't mean that you can't forget that you will take action. Therefore, what you want to choose, you should consider and make corresponding changes based on the above three dimensions. The freshness and curiosity that "never had before", as well as the first experience of possessiveness, will indeed make men miss such a woman.
But what I want to say is that feelings are alive, and continuous renewal and upgrading are the emotional states of a person's life. Hopefully, these suggestions will give you new ideas about this relationship, good luck!
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I am Zixin, a marriage and family teacher, a senior psychological counselor, a love counselor, and an adolescent mental health counselor.
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