During the Chinese New Year, I heard that a relatively good man in his hometown Murakami was very angry because of a trivial matter, and in addition to being emotionally impulsive, he beat his pregnant wife.
The wife was disappointed and resolutely chose to divorce the man.
Afterwards, the man regretted it and tried everything to keep it, but the wife firmly disagreed.
A good and decent home is so dissolved because of the loss of emotional control, which is embarrassing.
Why can't some people control their emotions?
American neurologist Joseph Ledoux found that people's emotions such as anxiety, fear, and impatience are connected to the cognitive system in the brain.
In other words, a person's reaction and emotions when encountering an encounter depend largely on his cognition.
It turns out that the essence of our emotional distress is that we don't know enough.
How can we be an "emotionally stable" person?
A person's emotional pattern actually has roots.
The biggest root cause is our family of origin and our own personality, as well as our subconscious.
The man mentioned above is influenced by his family.
The man's father, when he was young, was very fond of drinking, and when he did, he would beat his wife.
In the eyes of this father, he is the head of the family, and he must listen to him in everything.
If he is slightly unsatisfied, he will scold his wife and even fight.
The child is a replica of his parents, and having been exposed to such an environment since childhood, it is difficult for this man not to be influenced by his father.
Therefore, when he encounters a similar problem, the first thing that comes to mind is the familiar method of dealing with it in his mind - domestic violence.
But not everyone is as submissive as his mother, so the breakdown of the marriage is inevitable.
If you want to stabilize your emotions, you must look inward, see yourself clearly, understand your own shortcomings, study hard, improve your cognition, and change yourself from the roots.
There is a "emotional ABC" rule in psychology:
A is the event itself, B is our perception of the matter, and C is our emotions and words and actions.
Do you think it is A or B that determines our emotions and words and deeds?
The answer is b. It is not the event itself that determines our emotions and actions, but our perception of the event.
Victor Fran, author of Living the Meaning of Life, was imprisoned in a concentration camp for many years and tortured in his early years.
He witnessed his loved ones die tragically at the hands of the Nazis.
This kind of life, for ordinary people, should be worse than death, and life is like a year, right?
However, not only did he survive in a hellish cage, but he also pioneered meaning** and rekindled hope for people in desperate situations.
What sustained him through the years of hardship was a belief:
Anything that man has can be taken away, but the last freedom of human nature,—— the freedom to choose one's own attitude and way of life in any circumstance, cannot be taken away. ”
In the face of adversity, we still choose to be optimistic and choose to explore the meaning of life.
It is this firm belief that made him not hit by emotions, did not succumb to bad luck, and finally became a strong man in life.
In the face of bad things, some people lose control of their emotions, and the fundamental reason is that they do not have a sober and optimistic view of this matter.
Life is a kind of choice, when impulsive, we must learn to look at problems from multiple angles, learn to change our minds, learn to look at problems optimistically, and choose a better way to deal with things.
Quality Author List 03, It is wisest to deal with emotions first and then deal with things.
Emotionally, in fact, everyone has it? The reason why some people can achieve emotional stability is not because they don't lose their temper, but because they know how to deal with their emotions first and then deal with things.
How do you deal with your emotions?
1. First of all, see emotions
When we are angry, frustrated, or sad, we must first learn to perceive.
Oh, this incident makes me a little angry, a little sad. "Today, I don't seem to be in a good mood. ”
When you see emotions, the power of emotions to influence you becomes less.
2. Secondly, the reason
What makes me so angry? Can I think about my thoughts on this issue from a more perspective? Can I change my mind?
This process of thinking is actually a process of calming yourself down.
According to expert statistics, as long as you give yourself 12 seconds and think about it calmly, many people will give up the impulse.
3. Third, learn to express consistency
When you're angry, don't drop things, don't yell at others.
You can just tell the person: "I'm angry that you're doing this?" The reason is ......”
When the other person understands the real reason for your anger, they will choose to communicate with you or explain.
In this way, many problems can be easily solved.
4. Fourth, release emotions
There must be an outlet for emotions, otherwise, if you hold it in your heart, it will either cause physical illness or form mental illness.
Sometimes, when emotions can't be cathartic, you can choose to find some outlets for them:
Cry if you want to;
If you want to go out for a walk, go out for a walk, look at the mountains, look at the water, and let nature heal your emotions;
You can also talk to friends and family and talk about ...... appropriately
If you don't want to talk to someone, you can also choose to sleep, and after a sleep, the rain will be clear.
Remember: emotions come and go fast!
Russell said: "The ups and downs of a person's emotions are inversely proportional to his perception of facts, and the less you know about them, the more likely you are to get emotional." ”
If we can jump out of our own limitations, learn to improve our cognition, see things from more angles, and know how to deal with emotions, I believe we can all become "emotionally stable" people.
Life is not easy, don't let emotions become the destruction of our good life"**May we all upgrade our thinking, quit bad emotions, and meet a better self.