A writer once said that in marriage, the best state is neither similarity nor complementarity, but each shining in different fields.
When two people are together, their eyes are full of appreciation, and when the other party encounters setbacks, their eyes are full of understanding and distress.
Such a marriage will not become tasteless under the consumption of time, firewood, rice, oil and salt, or it will be the same enemy-".
It should be said that most of those unhappy marriages are brought about by the deviation of values, or the imbalance of emotional values.
I once heard an old man tell a story. When a girl got married, her mother gave her a box when she left, and she told her daughter that it was the deposit of their marriage.
The daughter was puzzled, and the mother explained that in marriage, the understanding and dedication of two people when they live are like savings, you save a little when you are rich, and when you are rich, you will save a little and more.
Over time, there will be so much money in it that you can't use it up, and you'll become rich.
When you are not rich, you take out a little, and wealth is increased or operated on this basis.
However, if only one of them has deposits, and the other only withdraws and does not deposit, or if they have obtained more and less deposits, then the depositing party will have a psychological imbalance, quarrels will increase, and with the accumulation of time, they will be exhausted and become poor in feelings.
Marriage is sometimes like learning, and the 10 percent talent is like their natural attraction, and maintaining the stability of the marriage is 70 percent of the business.
Writer Bi Shumin said: "The essence of marriage is like a slow-growing plant, which needs constant irrigation, fertilizer, pruning and leaf management, and killing insects to have long-lasting green shade." ”
The seven-year itch in marriage is usually due to the fact that they move from sweet and dreamy dopamine to the end of firewood, rice, oil, salt, and feces and pees in life.
In marriage, the greatest disaster is the absence of borders, or the over-dependence of one party.
There is a saying that distance produces beauty, and distance is not only physiological, but also psychological. According to the characteristics of human nature, there is a certain sense of mystery between people, so as to produce the desire to understand and attract each other.
It's easy to lose interest if it's too close. Especially the intimacy, the two eat, drink, and sleep every day, and they are together.
In addition, after the birth of the child, the chickens and dogs in life often collide with different sparks-".
If both parties don't know how to create a sense of ritual in life, or maintain a certain sense of mystery, basically, after a few years, they may become impatient.
In the seven-year itch, most of those non-stop quarrels are the small things and miscellaneous things in life, and if they can't hold on, they will part ways, and if they can get through, there is basically no big problem.
In a marriage, all people have at least 200 thoughts of wanting to kill each other, or 30 times of divorce.
Those who were able to manage their marriages to the end basically survived the war.
Therefore, people who have a true understanding of married life will not have idealized ideas about it, because in married life, their essence is the shortcomings of each other, not the advantages of each other.
In "Do You Know", Minglan once said that when you look at a person in marriage, you should look at its lowest point, because what tests whether you can tolerate each other is usually its bottom line.
The American economist Paul Samuelson once proposed a ".The Happiness EquationHappiness = Utility Expectation
This means that a person's happiness is inversely proportional to his expectations.
Happiness in marriage is basically in business, not in idealization, under irrational expectations, usually the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment.
I don't know if you still remember film and television stars Huang Xiaoming and Angelbaby, Hawick Lau and Yang Mi, Feng Shaofeng and Zhao Liying.
I don't know if it's a problem in the entertainment industry, which causes their seemingly perfect match to come to an end, or if marriage is full of uncertainty.
However, celebrities we rarely hear of scandals. In fact, people who enter politics basically have something to do with feelings, which is insulators.
Because, their work is turbulent every day, and the nature of their work leads to the fact that their marriage can only be stable, otherwise, there is a possibility of overturning at any time.
Therefore, turning work and marriage into a kind of practice in life is what they need to do, and they are as stable as a mountain in life, even if the work is overturned, it will not affect it.
Writer Lin Yutang once said: "A person with a clean heart, clear thinking, and no superfluous emotions and delusions will bring people a sense of security." Because he does not hurt others, nor does he hurt himself, nor causes trouble, nor troubles others. ”
Such a person is a person who brings a sense of security, whether at home or at work.
In the spy war drama "The Chaser", Chang Ping'an chased Fu Yun all over the street when he was young and ignorant of the world, but in fact, they really got married, and the price should be that Chang Ping'an couldn't enter the military command.
Its wife, Wang Xiaoyu, has insufficient cognition, and the words of the two of them are often answered by non-questions, which is very interesting.
However, without the stable environment provided by Wang Xiaoyu like a stubborn stone, I don't know what Chang Ping'an would look like, which is a kind of revolution that can abandon all the power for it.
Therefore, when Wang Xiaoyu died and Fu Yun divorced, Chang Ping'an did not renew his relationship with Fu Yun, but at the end, a girl like Wang Xiaoyu appeared as a foreshadowing.
And this is also the ending that the audience is looking forward to more.
Another of the biggest problems in marriage is changing oneself to fit in with other people. It is often said that when we become a pair of **uncomfortable** plasters in our relationships, we can only become an accessory to others.
Of course, appendages also have the role of appendages. It's just that for the needs of others, keep changing yourself to adapt to other people's people, and in the end, you may become four different and will still be abandoned.
Does film and television star Zheng Shuang remember? It is a typical example of this kind of woman, the negative emotions it brings to women cannot be sympathized at all, and what people remember is not the negative Zhang Han, but its irrationality.
This is also the biggest problem in marriage, this problem not only leads to the breathless bondage in marriage, but also makes many people eventually lose their ontology and even dignity as human beings, what a painful realization.
In "The Chaser", the marriage between Fu Yun and Cao Ruofei is a great tragedy, Fu Yun's simplicity and Cao Ruofei's complexity basically form an extreme contrast.
Compared with Cao Ruofei, Fu Yun is an ornament and a tool, but Fu Yun regards it as everything, and the final failure is inevitable.
Write at the end
The writer Zheng Yuanjie once said: "Pinning hope on others means keeping the disappointment to itself, and it will fall into passivity due to disappointment." ”
In an intimate relationship, over-reliance on the other party is a disguised surrender of one's sovereignty, and ultimate failure is inevitable.