Are we going to be obedient little kids?Many times we disagree with our parents and relatives, or we quarrel because we don't understand, or we fight coldly, or blame each other.
Each generation has a huge difference in thinking, which we call the "generation gap".
My colleague Xiao Zhang is a programmer, and it's rare that she's still a girl.
In our eyes, she is a very independent and assertive girl.
After graduating from high school, her parents wanted her to study finance, but she didn't listen and chose to major in computer science.
After graduating from college, her parents wanted her to take the public entrance examination, and she insisted on not wanting to have a relationship with her family.
In the end, she went to work alone in a city more than 100 kilometers away from her home to work as a programmer, which is our company.
Ask her why?
She said, "Yes."
She is always very hard working and creative at work, she likes to delve into various new technologies, and her personality is also cheerful and generous.
She also has a lot of favorite hobbies, photography, painting, dancing, doesn't it sound like a little princess who has a good family condition and is willing to spend a lot of money to cultivate with her heart?
But in fact, no, when she was a child, her family did not enroll her in special classes, these are what she learned by herself after work, or watched tutorials by herself, or enrolled in classes to study.
In her words:
Life is your own, and the road is your own.
She never defines herself.
Many people in the company liked her, but she never took the initiative to develop a love.
The person who has a crush on her feels both sad and happy, "I can't get it and others can't get it", which is probably what he thinks.
However, one day, she told a few of our good colleagues that she was in love, on a blind date.
We all dropped our jaws, but we all congratulated each other.
It's just that she doesn't seem to be very happy.
I asked her how her boyfriend was.
She said that she was okay, born in 985, an only child, a good job, and a good family background, and her parents were very satisfied with him.
I said, "What about yourself, do you like him?" ”。
She hesitated and said:
I don't feel anything, but my parents like him very much and think he's in good condition."
My parents can help me find such a blind date, it's not easy.
My grandmother, she said she was afraid that she would not see me get married or have children in this life.
I don't feel like she doesn't like that boy, but she's just trapped by the pressure around her.
I'm surprised that girls who have always been very decisive can have a hesitant side, but I'm not good at comforting people, so I just smiled awkwardly and said:
Feelings need to be cultivated, maybe it would be good to cultivate them."
After a month or two, I deliberately followed her and found that she was obviously not in very good shape.
I didn't go to dance class, and I didn't draw much, because the guy always asked her out on weekends for dates, or the boy's parents and relatives always invited her to dinner at home, and I really couldn't spare my time.
She also gradually became a little sad, and from time to time she would say some sad words of "I feel that life has no meaning", which was completely different from her previous state.
She said she didn't want to get married so early, she was only 25 years old.
However, the heavens did not fulfill people's wishes, and then there was an accident, the boy's grandfather died, and the man's parents said that according to the custom, they needed to get married within three months, which was a bit of a joy, otherwise they would have to wait three years to get married.
She didn't want to get married so early, she had only been with that man for half a year, and the relationship between the two parties was also very weak, and she was not ready to become a wife at all.
The boy didn't have his own opinions, he just said that he listened to his parents, and the pressure was all on her.
On the one hand, she thinks about herself, and on the other hand, she is swayed from side to side under the pressure exerted on her by the people around her.
It's been delayed for a long time, and even her parents have called ** to blame her:
Why not agree? How old are you?
Your grandmother said she wanted to see you get married."
Your third aunt also asked you when you would get married, and if you were going to have a wedding wine?"
Your grandmother gave birth to your uncle at this age."
I felt like I was trapped in a net," she said to me.
I was also shocked, I just didn't want to get married so early, like a sin, and became an enemy of my relatives?
Even her parents, who love her on weekdays, will help others talk about her.
I don't know how many mental struggles she went through later, or how many nights she spent in tears.
I only know that her emotions have been going back and forth, and something is very wrong, and she is not as sunny and dazzling as she was at the beginning.
A month after that forced marriage incident, she finally made a decision to break up.
She doesn't want her fate to be controlled by others, she wants to live by herself and be a dink, which is the way of life that she feels is most suitable for her.
In the days since the blind date, she has not been happy.
In addition to satisfying the family's spiritual need to desperately see their children get married, her own world has been decreasing.
Time is gradually occupied by the man and the man's family, she has no time to complete the career she loves, no time to do what she wants to do, and it has become dull.
Why do people in the family always think that it is right for a woman to get married and have children?Why do you have to follow someone else's planned life?
No, she doesn't want to!She has the life she wants to live, the life she wants, she doesn't want to be defined, she doesn't want to change her identity from being a man's wife, a child's mother, and a mother-in-law's daughter-in-law.
She wants to be herself, she really wants to be just herself.
I felt a lot of emotion and respected her decision.
According to the character of her parents and relatives, it must be difficult to take this path, but she still has the courage to fight for herself.
Why do people have to be obedient?We are independent individuals with our own thoughts, and our parents can guide us when we are young, but we should not interfere too much in our lives, we have our own way to go.
No one can be responsible for our lives, if she really listens to her parents, gets married and has children, and sacrifices so many of her hobbies and time, she may regret it for the rest of her life, and at that time, who can be responsible for her?Maybe everyone will only comfort her, life is like this, you have to be patient. And at that time, if you want to divorce, you have to involve too many things, and after having children, you have more worries, and you can no longer do what you want.
Maybe the final result will not be as bad as imagined, but we can't guarantee that she will be happy, and the outcome is unknown.
At least now she is following her heart, at least for the moment, she doesn't regret it.
Sometimes we don't want to be obedient, we just want to be ourselves, take responsibility for ourselves, and not be controlled by others, that's all.